Friday 29 July 2011

Crisis of confidence averted

This year has been hard yakka. I feel like a little mouse on a wheel running, running, running and getting nowhere. We put soooo much effort into selling our house and, yet, we are still here. We tried to go on a holiday to chill out and it turned into a debacle. Everything has felt like a challenge, nothing has felt easy and it kinda feels like I've achieved nothing, despite running my bum off. It's frustrating.

I wanted to spend time doing stuff for me and having fun and seeing more of my friends, as once little one arrives this will be difficult for a little while at least. It hasn't really happened.

This pregnancy has been hard. I've felt old, tired and fairly lacklustre.

This blog, my little spot, my happy place. It hasn't felt so happy lately. I haven't been enjoying it as much. It's felt lonely. Usually it's the one thing that I can do to make myself feel tip top and it hasn't been happening. The past few weeks I've even considered taking a break or shutting down completely.

I have fairly crap self- esteem. I've always felt like everyone else does everything better. And those feelings have exploded the past month or so. I think it's cause despite my best efforts to move forward, I've felt like I'm just standing on the spot. I've felt like I've been surrounded by deaf ears.

This week, I've had a cold and felt pretty crappy. It's been a big week with a lot on, and to tell you the truth I have just wanted it over with. I zoned out on autopilot just to get through. It's funny though, this week has surprised me, just when I'd given up on being surprised.

Firstly, the Pulp concert was fantastic. It really made me feel lighter. It brought back memories which in turn reminded me of how far I'd come. Most of all it was a lot of fun. And sometimes in life you just need fun.

Then yesterday we had our hearing with that airline. And we won! It felt like, yes, we weren't being unreasonable. Sometimes, the little guy can win. If you yell loud enough for long enough you will be heard.

Then I happened to snap the picture at the top of Goosey as she lifted my shirt to say "Hello" to her little brother. And my heart melted. I thought maybe I'm not standing as still as I thought.

My plan today was to write a "Farewell, see you whenever" post, as I didn't think I had the motivation to keep going. But you know what? I think I may stick around and keep bashing away.


  1. Don't stop blogging, just a pause if you need it. I love your posts and would miss them. x

  2. Oh lovely. I love your blog. And am so glad you're sticking it out. xx

  3. Glad to hear that some things happened to boost your mood and you are still blogging.
    It is not an easy thing to do.
    I hear ya on so many levels in this post. This pregnancy has been really hard for me as well and I am so over it.
    I feel very old and haggard and I have had a constant cold the whole pregnancy.
    I guess we'll forget it once we meet our babies. Let's just hope its not too far away

  4. I'm only new to blogging and new to reading yours, but just love your blog!

    Don't leave? :)

    I actually wanted to give you a medal for going to a concert with bump! Kudos to you sista.

    People don't do things better ... Just differently.

    Don't doubt yourself :) xx

  5. Corrine

    just take a break if you need - you will catch up.

    Have you ever noticed when returning from a holiday how inspired and 1000 thoughts can be running through your head.

    Well you may just need a blog holiday - do it - we will survive and you will be better for it.

    if you don't want a holiday just post 2 times a week etc - take a photo of what you love and set yourself to only write 1 paragraph about it.

    hope I have helped

    You need to look after you, then your family and the new bundle of joy to come - don't worry about a silly computer for now



  6. Glad that you are sticking around if only for a lttle while longer!

    Do what makes you happy. People will understand


  7. You may not think that you're doing much good, but seriously, there may be other poor, pregnant souls reading you and thinking, "I'm not the only feeling this way." Pregnancy can be hard. Good luck and rest to you, my dear!

  8. Sometimes we just get in a rut, but please keep blogging - writing and reading other people's blogs keeps us all sane! :) Congrats on your airline win and glad to hear of those special little moments that make us realise it's all worthwhile!

  9. Oh Corinne. I really feel for you. That third pregnancy is hard with the other two to look after, let alone having housing issues to contend with. Hang in there, take a break and come back when you feel like it. I'm not going anywhere! J x

  10. I love your blog! And I love your sunny attitude despite things being so hard, so please stick around. I totally get the need for a break and thats why I pulled back from stressing about my blog and feeling left out and worrying about what everyone else thought. Now I look forward to blogging for the fun of it, simple! xx

  11. Don't you dare! No deaf ears here. Sometimes no comments, but you are being heard, believe me.

    I know how you feel about the mouse wheel. I too have felt that this year is a bit 'two steps forward three back', I just don't feel like I ever really get on top of one thing before oh look, another thing to deal with. You know that feeling - I think we all do. Which is why lately I have reminded myself that life is pretty relentless at the best of times. Dory was right, you've just gotta keep on swimming, keep on swimming.

    I hope blogging continues to be your happy place, Corinne. Your blog is whatever you want it to be. I recently took the 'follower' count off my blog and it's made me feel sooo much better for whatever reason. I was so sick of the f'ing numbers game. x

  12. OH MY GOODNESS Corinne! I am so glad your crisis of confidence has been averted. Your blog is one of my absolute faves. I read EVERY post and I laugh, enjoy and most importantly relate to pretty much everything you write about. You are a fantastic writer and your words never fall on deaf ears.
    This year has dealt you some fairly shitty things from the sounds of it, BUT you are cooking another little human being in your belly and THAT my friend, is more awesome than anything anyone can do.
    Beautiful moment captured in the pic of Goosey and bump. You're doing great Corinne :o) xo

  13. It's okay to be in a rut.
    Just keep moving (even when you feel you're getting nowhere) and you'll slowly come out the other side.
    I can identify with so many of your feelings about this year and your blog space.
    So, so glad that the last couple of days have been some comfort to you.
    I hope you have a gorgoeus weekend.
    Do what you have to do - but you would be missed around here.

  14. Thanks to everyone for joining into my pity party.
    Don't worry you can't get rid of me that easily. I think I'd crawl back even if I did try to escape.

    Feeling more positive today, often all it needs is a blog post to get it out. xx

    Thanks for all your comments x

  15. I'm late to reading this but I'm so glad I did - There is NO way in the world that I would let you leave this place. You're fab and you're here to stay. Kapish? x

  16. Is this your way of getting me to hop a plane and head down there to knock some sense into you????

    This too shall pass.
    I may not be pregnant, but work is so overwhelming that it has taken the joy from most areas of my life including blogging.

    Know of any jobs down there for a highly skilled shop girl???

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