All good things...

I started writing this blog about 3.5 years ago, this is post 901. When I first started, I didn't really know what a blog was. I stumbled across Blogger through Google and started mucking around. I was at a really sleep deprived stage and feeling a bit isolated at home. I was thinking about returning to work and freelance writing, so I thought I needed some practise. I started tapping away on the laptop, the blog being a place I could store my scrawlings. I honestly never expected any of it to see the light of day. This was at a time when blogging was almost non-existent.

Somehow, I'm not really sure how, other bloggers stumbled upon my blog and started reading and commenting. I started reading their blogs and commenting on theirs. Some of these people are now blog 'royalty', others have vanished along the way. I started to like the feedback, I started to connect with these other bloggers and enjoyed having this interaction while being home, somewhat isolated. I made good friends.

I enjoyed having a hobby (my first ever one), something I really loved and looked forward to doing. Before, if you wanted to write as a hobby you scrawled on some paper and shoved it in a drawer. Here writing could be a fun hobby and shared with people who were interested in reading it. It felt lovely and it felt safe.

Slowly, I invited close friends and family to read. That's when I really enjoyed this blog, I enjoyed the writing and I enjoyed the comments.

Then about 2 years ago, I was made one of the Kidspot Top 50 Australian Bloggers and it was a real privilege. It was nice to feel recognised and be regarded as something other than 'just a mum at home'. It was a nice to feel that I was good at something and other people thought so too. That I had something to contribute. The downside was, as part of the competition, I had to publicise my blog. That was the first time that I really pursued readers, at the time it didn't really feel comfortable and I think it's never really sat right with me since. In some way, while I haven't actively pursued followers, I think I almost felt like I had to as part of the natural progression. Since then I've changed the way I've written, I've tried to ensure my blog was written entirely from my own perspective. While I've included my family and friends, I've tried to ensure they were bit players and that this was my story.  Sometimes I've succeeded and sometimes I haven't.

Over the past few months, I've felt less and less comfortable and motivated to keep writing here. I think I need to take heed of these feelings. I've felt obligated to write here and that's something I've never wanted. Blogging here just hasn't felt good.

I love writing and will always write in some form. I think now is the time to take a different direction. While I'll never say never, I think it's time to take an extended break from here. More than likely a permanent break.

Over the past few days, I've toyed with how I'd finish up. At first I thought I'd just stop, but that's not my style. Then I thought I'd put a small note saying thanks and goodbye, again not my style.

I want to thank everyone who has read and commented and given me lovely feedback. I want to thank all the wonderful friends I've met along the way. I want to thank you all for your encouragement and lovely words. I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read my words.

In the future, I may resurrect this blog but turn it into something different. I may just start a completely different blog. I may not blog at all. In the meantime, I will be contributing to a blog written by expat Australian women called Wandering Women, it will feature stories about life as an Australian woman living overseas.

So again, thank you. And, ciao for now.

El Loco

I think out of everything that you can do for yourself, sleep is number one. Get a few hours of solid sleep a night and you can tackle the world. Don't? Well, the craziness of sleep deprivation can set in.

Sleep deprivation and I are no strangers, in fact, you might say we're good mates. Well, actually, not so much good mates as well-worn companions. If I can get 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night, I'm going well and can cope with life as normal, though at present that's rare.

The past six-and-a-half years three months, my sleep has been broken and limited, which is painful. The past week has been more woeful. The past two nights, almost non-existent.

On Tuesday night (the wee hours of Wednesday morning) I found myself woken again and then emailing for a number of hours, trying to sort out issues back home. So a grand total of 3 hours of sleep of an hour here and an hour there. Last night was the same, an hour at the start of the night and then two hours at the end of the night due to an insomniac baby boy who was just wide awake for hours. So six hours in the past 55 or so hours, means I'm feeling particularly loco today.

Life goes on though and there are kids to collect from school, shopping to be done, dinners to be made, baths to be done, questions to be answered and maybe, just maybe they'll be a few hours of slumber as a sweet reward (let's face it, probably not). The knock-on effects of not sleeping properly touch every part of your every day life. I'm snappy at the kids and Skip. I'm not a fun person to be around. I make mistakes and bad judgement calls.

But I'm just one of many, many people not sleeping soundly. I often feel though, life would be so, so different if all my family could catch a few solid zzzs every night. I know life would be a lot more technicoloured.

I didn't want to write a post today because I feel completely crap and completely loopy. To be honest, I feel like I want to throw up. Then I thought, stuff it, I may as well write what I feel.

What about you? Is sleep an issue? How much sleep do you need to feel tip top?

What I really need now

It feels like there isn't a moment in my life when I think to myself "What I really need now is...."

It can be anything from:

• some quiet, alone time
• some family time
• a long lunch
• to get down to business and get some jobs done.

What I really need right now is some fun. I can't remember the last time I had a huge amount of fun. You know, just silly, crazy fun when you laugh until your cheeks hurt. You don't think about dinner, bath and bed. You don't worry if the kids have eaten enough vegetables. Have we got enough nappies? Will that stain come out? Did I remember to buy milk? Better go to sleep before one of the kids wakes me.  Just pure fun.

When was the last time you really had fun? What do you really need right now?

 

Damaged for eternity

The other night, the girls were in the bath and I was picking up some things in their bedroom next door.

I overheard this little gem of a conversation:

"I will love you for eternity!" said Goosey.

"Do you even know what eternity means?" replied Lil-lil.

"No, do you?"

"It means damaged," Lil spat out.

"What does damaged mean?" asked Goosey.

"It means broken. So your love is broken." Lil-lil assured her.

"Oh, OK then. Like how smoking damages you." Goose said.

"Yep."

Glad they got that cleared up!

From coffee to 'in case of an emergency'

Living as an expat makes relationships with the people you meet so much more intense. When you've lived in a suburb, a city, a country for many years you have a whole network of people to rely on. You can take your time getting to know new people and let relationships grow at a slow and steady pace. When you suddenly find yourself in a new city, a new country and a new hemispherse, that network is non-existent and bonds have to be made quickly and made strong.

On the first day of school, I had to fill in some forms. I reached the 'in case of emergency' section and they were after someone else other than me or Skip, I had to leave the line empty because I didn't know a single soul. Not one single soul.

As time goes on, school mums have to become more than people you have coffee with after drop-offs and work colleagues more than someone you catch up with for a drink on a Friday night. They become confidants. They become people you share holidays and milestones with. They are the ones who understand the frustrations, the loneliness, the excitement and everything else in a new land. They become your 'in case of emergency' people.

At a recent birthday party, a friend looked at the kids wistfully and said: "I hate these kids birthday parties, not because of the noise or the chaos, but because these kids weren't here last year and most won't be here next year. My kids have parties filled with people who they won't even remember in a year or two. It's just sad."

I'm a little more optimistic and hope that at least some of the people who we are forming these bonds with we'll know for a lifetime. The bonds must be made quickly but they will be long-lasting.

Seven months on and I have someone on the 'in case of emergency' line. I have someone I trust to leave my kids with if I need to be rushed to hospital. I have people who I could call at 2am in an emergency. It feels funny that I didn't know these people even walked the planet six months ago and that suddenly they are filling the places of family and long-term friends. That's the reality of being an expat.

Thank God, it's Friday

Peaceful, calm and still. Not words I often use to describe this city, but that's what Dubai is on a Friday. It's fast becoming my favourite day of the week.

Friday is the first day of the weekend here and is the holy day in Islam. Years ago, the weekend used to be Thursday-Friday (and it still is in places in the Middle East, such as Saudi Arabia) but it was changed to Friday-Saturday to make doing business with the west a little easier.

By law, workers are only required to have one day off a week in the UAE and for a lot of people that day is Friday. Which means the city is very, very quiet. The roads are blissfully empty and I love soaking up the peace in an otherwise chaotic city.

For Muslims, Friday is a time to spend at the mosque and with family. It's a day where everyone seems to move slowly.

In Dubai, Friday brunches are very popular for Western expats. Every hotel in the city has a brunch, as do many restaurants, and it can be completely over the top and extravagant (one hotel has Chinese acrobats to entertain the kids, free flowing French bubbles and live cooking stations whipping up a world of food). There are other brunches that are a little more sedate.

Large open areas around town are filled with Indian, Sri Lankan, Pakistani and Bangladeshi men playing cricket. Pakistani men gather to cheer on their favourite wrestlers, Carly captured this tradition beautifull in her post here.

For our little family, Fridays usually involve coffee at our favourite cafe, grocery shopping for the week and some times we like to go out for lunch, usually trying out a new Lebanese restaurant. We might take a swim in the afternoon or play in one of the city's well manicured parks. We may catch up with friends or visit one of the city's attractions.

Most small shops and tourist attractions are closed on a Friday or at least on Friday mornings, which has taken some time to get used to. Many a Friday we've turned up somewhere to find it a ghost town.

Yep, Friday is fast becoming my favourite day.

Happy mother's day

In most of the Middle East today, it's Mother's Day, the first official day of Spring I believe.

The girls have been excitedly doing craft at school, making cards, drawing pictures, doing performances. Today will finish off with a picnic at school with the mums being treated to coffee and cupcakes.

The highlights? Goosey singing the Spice Girls' Mama ( I love you) with her classmates, which made more than a few mums misty-eyed. The other was this gorgeous picture that Lil drew of me.

Goosey randomly told me the other day over dinner: "There is no way to be a perfect mum, but a million ways to be a good one." I was ready to ship off to Hallmark to start her career, but it turns out that was her line at the performance.

To all the mums in the Middle East and around the world, Happy Mother's Day.