I went back to the hospital today as I do every Tuesday to have a check up. When I went today and saw all the familiar faces it felt weird. Some people nodded, some smiled and said hi, others walked past not noticing me. Which is weird when someone has cared for you in such an intimate way, but hey, they see and care for hundreds of people.
It's six weeks today since I was admitted to hospital and six weeks tomorrow since D arrived unwillingly in the world. For the first few weeks, my mind could not stop going over and over and over the events of those few days. Trying to absorb and process it all. It was such a shock. It didn't feel real. It felt like maybe I had over-dramatised in my head, maybe it hadn't really happened. Slowly I've begun to stop the thoughts from whirling in my mind.
Slowly my body has healed from the trauma. Just until a few days ago, the soreness of my stomach was still there lingering, the headaches from the high blood pressure were too. Now, I'm feeling stronger. I look at D and he's getting bigger and chubbier. I can barely think of him as that tiny being on a ventilator.
I've begun to block out that whole month. Like it never existed. It's weird.
On the weekend I kept saying things like 'Oh when such and such happened a couple of weeks ago." And then realising that it was actually a couple of months ago. It's like now normalcy is starting to return, those few horrible hard weeks are being erased. Maybe it's just my mind healing too.
When you have a baby, they tell you it takes about six weeks to recover. I'm amazed that it's true.