|Biggest sister, little brother. Hand in hand.|
Then came my standard reply: "He's actually 11 weeks old. He was almost 7 weeks premature so he's small."
It hit me shortly after, I often forget he's premmie. It doesn't really affect the way I treat him or think about him. I did realise though that maybe this is the fatigue that I'm feeling. I'm feeling like I've had a newborn for a really long time. In some ways I have.
He's 12 weeks now and he's only really just starting smile and respond. He's only just getting a bit of head control. He doesn't look 'freaky' as a lot of people say they think he might. He's 4.5kg so not tiny small, but definitely small for a 12-week-old baby. He looks like a large 5-week-old baby, which is what he essentially is.
Yesterday, I saw a baby that was a full-term 11-week-old and I felt a pang of sadness. Stupid really as I have nothing to be sad about. D is healthy now, doing well. I don't expect more out of him than I should, but seeing that baby made me realise how he's not a "normal" 12-week-old baby. This 11-week-old was so much more advanced than he was. I realised that this newborn phase is going to go on for a while longer. That the arsenic hour phase probably will go on for another 6 or so weeks. I've got a 'bonus' 7 weeks of newborn-ness.
I adore him and I'm enjoying him, but I feel like I'm running a marathon. Deep breath, dig deep, keep on going.