I've had a few real-life people say to me that they feel like a stalker when they read my blog. My reply to that is: "If I've put it on the internet I'm OK with you reading it. Believe me."
My blog is about my life, my thoughts and feelings. My insecurities, my fears. My hope and dreams. It's my perspective of my corner of the world. I don't put anything here that I wouldn't say to anyone in the real world. I wouldn't put anything here that I think would embarrass or hurt my family or friends. I do try to be open and honest though. My perspective on things that happen in my life are probably completely different from those around me, but that's what life's about. In all honesty, only a small percentage of my life makes it onto the blog, though I think it's the feelings and the things I tussle with that make it on the most. There are times I post something and wonder: "Oooh, have I said too much? Will people think I'm mad/a whinger/sad/etc? Will Skip approve of this? " I think most bloggers think this at one time or another.
I have to say that the only time he's ever disapproved of something I've written (or at least that he's spoken of) is when he thinks I haven't been honest enough.
I've recently realised how drawn I am to people who live openly and honestly. People who don't have a facade. They say: "This is me, like it or not". I've found myself with less time for people who 'try' to be something they are not, try to be perfect or at least portray their life as perfect. I really like the imperfect. We're all imperfect, some of us are just more honest about it than others.
Over the past 12 months or so I've had the pleasure of meeting people like Eden and Beth through blogging. Both funny, gorgeous and smart, but both oh so honest about being imperfect. Their lives are real, complicated, exciting and boring and I love reading about it. In real life, I've recently befriended someone who is incredibly open and honest and I like it, I like it a lot. I found the words: "I love your openness!" pouring out of my mouth to her just a few days ago.
I think one of the many reasons I love Skip so much is that he's real. He generally says what he thinks, no bullshit. I respect that openness. I think raw honesty is an attractive quality in someone.
I hate whispers, intrigue, secrets. I don't find the mysterious attractive, I find it unsettling. I much prefer an open book.
Earlier this week, I read this post from Sarah at Ah The Possibilities and it really resonated with me about why I blog, how I blog, how I want to blog and what I've got out of blogging. By sharing a lot of my feelings about being a parent, a partner and a person, I've come to understand them better and I hope that I may have made others out there feel better about having similar feelings (or at least made them feel better so they can say "What a freak!"). That there is a difference between being vulnerable and being intimate.
So while you may feel like a stalker reading this, I promise there is more going on behind the scenes. Though all the angst, insecurities, delight, joy, sadness, frustration, anger, boredom are real, imperfectly real. I don't blog to say 'hey, look how good I am here on the internet', I blog to wade through all 'stuff' in life. I blog to be open to myself. I blog in the hope that someone else will say: "I totally get what you're saying."