Friday 10 June 2011

Looking for my husband

Marriage, relationships, families – funny, strange things. You meet someone, fall in love, get to know each other and build a relationship. You get married and the world is just the two of you. Your life revolves around each other. Then you decide to have a family. A spanner is thrown into the relationship works.

When Lil-lil was born, I remember feeling very lonely. I missed Skip terribly, even though we were in the same house. The closeness and the quantity and quality of time we spent together was sapped away by this little being. So much time was spent trying to settle her. We barely even had a moment to have a meal or just sit and watch TV together. Things plod along, kids take up so much time and quality time is replaced with nods and a quick hug as you pass in the hallway. You think: "Once we get through this, we'll spend lots of time together. Once we get through these early days, we'll be romantic again."

Unfortunately, when life gets busy with a new family, often quality time and attention for your partner gets put to the bottom of the list. You've got such a solid relationship that you often take your partner for granted. Sleep and child rearing takes precedence over everything else. This is hard for new mums, I think sometimes it's even harder for new dads. I often feel that people who have kids to save their relationship are mad, the pressure is far too great. I think even the most solid relationships get rocked by the arrival of new baby.

Before you know it another bub has arrived, there's even less time and even more pressure. Then there's the juggle of making sure you spend time together as family, one-on-one time with each kid, spend time with friends and somewhere fit time in as a couple. Trying to be parent and friend as well as a spouse can take up a lot of time. It's so important though, that relationship with your partner is the bedrock of the whole catastrophe. Sometimes it's necessary to push the tiredness to side, the daily aggravations to the back and just be together and laugh. Not let that person become a stranger. Remember why you did all this crazy family stuff in the first place. The reasons often get lost in the chaos of the grind.

Tonight, Skip and I are going out for a fancy meal. I can't wait. It's so nice to spend time together and chat. Not get interrupted by "muuuuuuuuum" or "daaaaaaaaad". Bring a touch of the 'before' back. Laugh, reflect and just enjoy being together. Fall in love all over again. Discover you actually love them even more than you did before. Bliss.


  1. Enjoy yourselves and relax! Dinner minus the kids is bliss.

  2. So, so, so know what you mean. We are doing this on Sunday night! The big kids are staying with grandma and granddad for the long weekend Sunday and Monday! We still have to take the 6 month old though - one day it will just be the 2 of us!

  3. Have a gorgeous time.
    We're having a movie date Sat. night and I can't wait.
    All the excitement of dating without any of the crap!!

  4. You've hit the nail on the head with this post Corrine. Six years after our first daughter was born and now that our youngest is two, it FINALLY feels like Mr SJW and I are back to 'us' again. Enjoy your evening. gxo

  5. YES! My husband and I are going through this stage too. It is quite hard with a new baby in the house. We even nearly missed his Birthday a few weeks ago, we're both so busy and tired!

    Enjoy your fancy dinner. Hold hands while you eat. Share dessert. xx

  6. I am in the thick of this too at the moment. I see Rob all the time, and I miss him. Strange isn't it? I think it's because we got a taste of it when we were away. As soon as we got back, my head just switches into Mum mode, and try as I might, I can't get it focused on him. I really need to work on this. Seriously.

    Ok enough of a therapy session - have fun fancy pants!

  7. "I remember feeling very lonely. I missed Skip terribly, even though we were in the same house"

    I often said the same thing when our babes were born. MC & I were like two ships passing in the night!

    Enjoy tonight gorgeous, you two more than deserve it x

  8. Oh, enjoy. Have fun, reconnect and all that date stuff.

    We have had 1 dinner and 1 attempted dinner out as a couple in the last 6 weeks. It was the first time 18 months we got us time. If I had my time over again I would make sure we got to have couple time at least once every few months.

  9. I am able to empathise with this so much - the husband and I are like ships in the night. I miss him and the "before", and never again will I be the centre of his universe. But I'd also not be able to imagine loving him more than when I see him with our son...

    Enjoy your night our lucky thing - we've had 1 date in almost a year...!?!

  10. Aw, lovely post!

    I think a big mistake Hubby and I made after the birth of our first son was to not organise a babysitter and get out on date nights. The 9yo was 14 months old before we had our first night about together! Not having family in town makes a difference, I guess.

    We still don't get out much - just the two of us - but we're known to sit on the couch, the sound muted on the tv and just chat. Or get in to bed and talk instead of sleep. But not enough though.

    Lovely post. xxx


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