Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Back down

I've mentioned my dodgy back here before. The one that plays up and leaves me looking like the hunchback of Notre Dame and generally very cranky and unpleasant.

Last week it played up and started to get better. Then yesterday I heard a crack and then agonising pain. I woke up this morning and thought 'uh oh, that's not good.' Stabbing hot daggers of pain shooting up my spine and down my legs with each and every movement.

After hobbling around I decided I needed to go to the doctor. They squeezed me in and said: "You can not lift anything. At all." Riiiiiiiiight. I explained that I had two young children and was in the middle of packing away a lot of my home before it went on the market. To which she said: "You can not lift anything. At all. Oh and don't bend too much either."

Well, that's really not practical, is it? Goosey falls over and I'm supposed to nudge her with my foot and say: "Get up, honey, you'll be right!"?

I'm supposed to leave all this packing work to someone else? I don't think so. It just isn't going to happen.

One interesting thing has happened, I've realised how vulnerable you can feel while in pain. Getting out and about with the kids I feel nervous and panicky knowing that I can't chase them if they dart off. I'm just not quick to react if something happens.

As I hobbled to the doctor's office this morning I approached a large zebra crossing on a busy road. It looked a mile wide and I wondered: "How on earth am I going to get across there? Each step is searing pain, I'll keep traffic back for ages." As I crossed, the car waiting for me at the front kept revving his engine trying to hurry me. What an awful feeling. Exposed, vulnerable, fearful.

It gave me an insight to what it's like to live with chronic pain, to be elderly or disabled and have to face a busy, rushed world. As I walked down the footpath, people bumped into me as I couldn't move out of the way fast enough. Despite obviously being in pain and unable to move quickly, people were too busy to help, hold a door open or even take one step out of their way.

I'll tell you what, it's not a nice feeling. By the time I got to the doctor I was ready to collapse in tears from pain, stress and exhaustion. It's so easy to take being well and feeling fit for granted.


  1. yep. thats exactly what its like...I feel your pain as I unfortunately know it all too well. It's not just your bodies pain but the mental pain and then the way no one else understands your vunerability in the outside world... Yep thats it all right. Oh honey I hope you'll be ok? please take care and know we are all a phone call away xxx

  2. Oh Corinne!
    Poor thing ~ when it rains it pours doesn't it???
    Thinking you might need a Mary Poppins in the form of a former punk rocking, Jarvis loving friend to fly down from the US to help out.....?

  3. Oh my goodness Corinne, this hurt me just reading it! You paint the picture too well, I can almost feel how painful your day getting around was... and out in the world, oh my, yuck! I can only liken that feeling to how I have felt when I've been REALLY sick before and had to go out to the doctors to get treatment. It feels like the world has the volume turned up to full ball and you're right, seemingly NO ONE gives a damn. Oh Corinne, I would have held the door open for you :o(
    Hoping that the nasty back pain subsides quickly for you.


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