For the past week, each weekday when the girls go off to school and Skip goes off to work I find this lump in my throat. It hasn't been there on the weekends, just when Darbs and I are alone in this place.
We've found somewhere to live and it's been a rush of finding and buying furniture. We came with just a suitcase, so there is a whole home for a family of five to set up.
It's a lovely place and I know that we're going to have a lot of fun and make a whole heap of great memories there.
But still that lump remains...
That lump is anxiety and nervousness.
It's worrying about the girls at school, hoping that they're settling in and don't have lumps in their own throats. It's remembering their little fingers digging into my leg as I pried myself away at their classroom door this morning.
It's the extra energy it takes when you're in a foreign place just to get in the car and find a supermarket. Or find a bed shop. Or find anything. It's making sure you don't turn the car into oncoming traffic or take a wrong turn and end up in another Emirate.
It's worrying that I'm dressed appropriately.
It's trying to find something for dinner in a supermarket that's different. Do I really want to buy that odd looking meat from Kenya?
It's worrying that Skip is finding his feet at work and enjoying it.
It's not having someone, anyone, to call and say let's catch up for a play and a coffee and a laugh.
It's looking at the mums at school drop-off in stilettos and full make up and wondering how or if I'll ever break into that circle.
It's all the things that you take for granted at home, that is second nature, that you don't even think about that suddenly need your energy.
I know that in time, soon enough, that the lump will get smaller and disappear. As the kids make friends, as I make friends, as I find my way around. I know that it's not a bad thing. I know that I'm learning and growing. I know that it will all be worth it. I know that I'll be glad that I've pushed myself. It's like the first of school or the first day of anything, the fear and the nervousness can be all-consuming but before long you can't even remember feeling that way.
But right now, right this minute, all I can feel is that lump.