Thursday, 5 May 2011
When we were away, I was aghast when I caught a glimpse of myself in my cossie. I looked like a large apple. A big round ball. No distinct preggo basketball bump, my whole body looked like a basketball. Skip assured me this is what happens every time I get pregnant, I'm not so sure. I just felt rather uncomfortable on the beach with my apple body. I usually love being pregnant. I don't not like it this time, I'm just not there mentally.
I'm not prepared for getting big. I'm not prepared for not being able to do everything. I'm not prepared for being slower. Most of all, I'm so not prepared for having another baby. Sleepless nights (well we still have those, but I can tell the kids 'shush and go to sleep'), crying, naps, nappies and all that biz. What the hell am I doing?? What the hell are we doing??
To be honest, being a mum to three kids is a scary prospect. Skip and I will be outnumbered and I won't have enough hands. The car is going to be very squishy. As is the dinner table. What if we have another non-sleeper (which is odds-on, I reckon)? How will this bundle fit into our life?
So, how do I deal with all the stress and angst? I just don't think about it. Pretend it's not happening. Complete denial. Healthy and sane, I know!
I know that once it's here I'll be besotted and things will just work out. After a couple of months, I won't be able to remember what life was like before. Let's face it, who is ever really ready for a baby? For the moment though, it's a scary, daunting prospect. So I'll keep denying. And when I struggle to do up my jeans, I'll blame it on the 1000s of Easter Eggs I've eaten... well, actually that may have something to do with it too.