Friday, 7 January 2011

Step back in time

Do you ever have moments when you can go back to a certain time to talk to a younger you? Reassure them about the future and the choices they will make?

I had this feeling last night as I drove through the pouring rain. On our way home after dinner out with my mum, Skip interstate for work, me driving and listening to the girls chat and giggle in the backseat. They live in their own little world, speak their own little language and simply adore each other. I can't imagine life without them, I can't imagine one not having the other in their life.

A little over three years ago, I discovered I was pregnant. I was terrified. Pure and simple. Lil-lil had just turned one and it had been a difficult year. Lil-lil rarely slept. Ever. In the early days her reflux meant that she cried, screamed and squirmed a lot. At the end of her first year, I was exhausted from months of little and broken sleep, as much as I adored her, I felt like I was failing at motherhood.

At that time I was not myself. I was a shell of myself. Living in a fog. I felt completely alone and cut off from the world. The only person who understood was Skip. I was just beginning to feel slightly normal again when I discovered I was pregnant.

I didn't think I could go through all the baby stuff again. What would I do if I had another baby who didn't sleep? How would I cope with two bubs that didn't sleep? I had images of the three of us sitting up all night together.

As I sat in the car last night, listening to the girls' gorgeous giggles, I wished I could go back to that Corinne. The one who felt so scared. The one who felt really isolated and alone. The one who wondered how it would all turn out. I wish I could tell her that life would become full and happy again, with the love and support of family and good friends. I wish I could tell her of the joy that new baby would bring. The special friend that Lil-lil would have. Yes, the new baby wouldn't sleep either and things would certainly get worse before they got better, but that little girl, so full of life, would be worth every moment. A precious sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece, friend.


A friend and fellow blogger Lori is suffering a terrible tragedy at the moment. Can you please read her post and offer your good thoughts, prayers and well wishes. Lori, you're in my thoughts and prayers today. You've always been so kind and thoughtful to me, I truly hope that everything works out OK. Many thanks. 

4 comments:

  1. Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it. Some days I too wish I could step back and visit my former self and say that it will all be ok and so worth it in the end.

    I love listening to my kids interact with each other like that. Makes my heart soar.

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  2. Weird how often how worries and concerns turn out to be blessings - with the benefit of hindsight, of course!!

    Have a great weekend!!

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  3. I'm in one of those periods at the moment where I'm sure I'll want to be again in a few years time, but right now? Doesn't feel all that great! Hindsight is such a bittersweet concept don't you think? Just discovered your blog today and look forward to following your musings in 2011!

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  4. Beautiful, heartfelt blog xo

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