You think by age 33, married with two kids and 10 years working in a 'career', that I would be able to finish this sentence by now. But, nup I still have no idea what I want to 'do' with my life.
I don't mean that I haven't done anything yet, of course, I've achieved a lot. What I mean is, I don't think I've found my passion - the one thing that drives me away from family. [Edit: I just re-read this, I don't mean I want to be driven away from my family; rather I want something the drives my life in addition to my family... derrr me].
I feel bad writing that, as I have a job (when I do work) that a lot of people would love. Writing that makes me think of The Devil Wears Prada where Andrea is constantly reminded: "
I started thinking about all this again this morning while I was hanging out the washing. I was then reminded of it when I took the girls to swimming lessons and saw a lady wearing a jumpsuit. I don't normally get excited by women in jumpsuits, but this one had "Forensic Services" emblazoned across the back, plus she was carrying a cool looking suitcase, she strode like she was on CSI. Maybe that could have been me if I actually applied for that Forensic Science course, attended Uni for four years and passed it. Gosh, I'm now wondering why my local pool needed the services of a forensics expert...
I'm really envious of those people who have a passion, something they love throwing themselves into. Something that gets them jumping out of bed in the mornings. I also fill with anguish when I see people throw their dreams away to do something 'safe' or 'better' or 'cause "x" thinks I should'. I think to have a passion is one of life's greatest gifts.
I want to find something or combine my interests to create some sparks. I'm not just sure how yet. I love writing this blog, but I'm not sure how I make a living out of it? I love good food and wine (but am not a great cook). I like trivia (but I'm not sure you can make a career out of trivia nights). Hmmm I'm reminding myself of that Seinfeld episode where George is trying to find a job:
George: I like sports. I could do something in sports. Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity? George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something. Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get. George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game. Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments. George: What about that? Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting. George: Well, that's really not fair.
Yes, I know, I have a lot of pop culture filling my brain (maybe why I've done so well working in magazines...). Anyhoo, I'll keep thinking. Maybe I'm just too spoilt for choice. Maybe I'm just a very indecisive person. Something to work on I guess. It is after all one of my resolutions - to find a dream and chase it.
Do you have a secret passion, something you'd love to do but would never in a million years? Do you have something that you're so excited about that you bounce out of bed every morning ready to tackle it? Have you always known exactly what you have wanted to do?