While I've been away, I've had lots of time to think about Lil-Lil starting school. I must admit, I've never understood the mothers who weep at the gate as they wave goodbye on that first day of school. I've always thought it would be more exciting than sad. As the day approaches though I'm starting to get it.
Lil-Lil and I have been through a lot. Being a firstborn she's has the rough job of breaking me into motherhood. It's been a long journey these past five years, which is why I think firstborns have a unique relationship with their parents. Poor kid.
As I get ready to send her out into the world I'm starting to panic a little. Have done well enough by her? I should have has more patience, been more engaged, soaked up the days with her a little more. Will she cope being thrown into the deep end of school?
Maybe it's my anxiety, knowing all the challenges she's going to face. Bitchy girls, cranky teachers, teasing boys. Mental arithmetic. Urgh. Her innocence will be lost and at the moment I'm soaking in that gorgeous innocence. She's naively so happy about the 'fun' of big school, but it's really her first step into a lifelong journey of challenges.
Of course there is the selfish fact that she's going to need me less. That Maddy or Sienna or whoever at school is suddenly going to be smarter/cooler in her eyes. She will probably worship her teacher.
As much as I've downplayed it to myself, starting school is a big deal. And I will miss her. That precious time of her being a little kid at home is over, but I feel lucky to have had it.
I'm also a teeny bit excited to watch her blossom, as I'm sure she will. I will probably shed a little tear on that first day, but also a big sigh of relief that we made it this far. That we've survived the first leg of childhood relatively unscathed. Let's hope we survive the next!