Wednesday 23 June 2010

Loving moments

Almost five years ago, Skip and I decided it was time to start our family. We were newly married and were blissfully excited about having a little person in our lives.

Not long after, I discovered I was pregnant. We were ecstatic! So excited that we pretty much yelled the news from every mountain top. We planned, we dreamed and we chatted endlessly about the new bub. We booked into the hospital and did a tour and wondered what it would be like when we'd next be there (little did we know we'd be there sooner rather than later). Then 10-week mark came and we trotted off to our first obstetrician's appointment. After filling in all the forms, being poked, prodded, weighed and measured, it was time for an ultrasound.

The doctor made Skip wait outside for a moment. As he did the scan, I could tell things weren't right. He then took my hand and said: "I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat." I looked on the screen and saw the 'peanut', a grey, blurry blob on the screen.

Skip was called in and he came bounding in excited. As soon as he saw my face, his own face dropped. We sat in that ultrasound room for what felt like hours. I was booked into the hospital the following day for a D&C.

The next 24 hours were surreal. Pregnant, yet not. I don't remember much, except waking in the middle of the night sobbing. The pain in my heart made me realise one thing – I wanted a baby more than anything else.

Months passed and I nervously found I was pregnant again. There I was in that same room again. My heart was beating out of my chest. Every part of me tense, praying like hell that I wouldn't see that look on the doctor's face. The doctor turned and said: "There's the heartbeat." I'm sure I gasped out loud. I stared at that little 'peanut' with the flickering heart and I was filled with relief, joy and love.

Skip came in, nervously looking at me to see if things are OK. I can see him visibly sigh in relief. We were going to have a baby.

This was my very first loving moment as a mother, one of my most wonderful, yet bittersweet, memories. Now, whenever things get hard or I question what it's all about, I remember the pain in my heart and that overwhelming desire to hold my baby, and I know.

I was asked to write this post by Kidspot Baby Club, an online space where mums and mums-to-be can tell stories, ask questions, share their knowledge and support each other – day or night. Something that is essential for all mums at some stage of motherhood. There are also chances to win prizes, now who doesn't like that? Check it out.


  1. I remember those terrifying moments in the ultrasound office where you are praying with all your might that you will get good news. Sorry for your loss, but so happy you got your baby.

  2. Oh what a rollercoast ride of emotions your post is. It's beautiful, yet sad. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. x

  3. Oh sweetie, brought back memories for me.

    I always wonder about that baby (I was a bit further than you) but then again I got my Boo after that and he is awesome.

  4. Now THAT'S a mothering moment. Don't EVER forget what a wonderful Mum you are. Thrown out crayons and all ;) Thanks for sharing x

  5. I have been there myself, twice. Your post is beautiful.

  6. Loved this post. Reminded me of when I first became a mommy. Thanks Corinne.

  7. Thank you so much for sharing this story. I lost my first pregnancy at nine weeks - which they discovered at the 12-week-scan. It's still a sharp memory for me. Thankfully I fell pregnant again - and the relief of a heart beat with every scan is still up there in my happiest moments.

  8. Absolutely beautiful and well written.
    Ironic to me how many of us have experienced this same situation ~
    I went for my annual ob/gyn appt in 2006 and was told that I was pregnant.An impromptu ultrasound confirmed it was 8-10 weeks along. We were solidly set on NOT having anymore children.
    I remember everyone in the doctor's office congratulating me and not feeling so sure of whether or not that is what I wanted.
    But with two already at home, how do you not want your 3rd?
    A few days later I began to miscarry at was such a tumultuous time in our lives and made us both stop and think about exactly what we really wanted for our future.

  9. THanks for sharing your story Corinne and lovely addition up top re: JG - xx

  10. That must have been heartbreaking. I know so many women can relate to this. I'm glad you've had two healthy pregnancies since.

  11. I remember the heart-beating-out-of-the-chest moment when I had my first ultrasound too. I remember that moment everytime I get tired running after my little one. Thanks for sharing.

  12. I'll never forgot laying on the bed and waiting for the heartbeat - I'd had lots of blood loss and was expecting the worse. I saw that little flicker and I think my heart just about exploded. I instantly burst into tears of relief and joy.
    Thank you for sharing your story.


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