Our household has been hit by a very serious illness – man cold. Thankfully women are immune to this dreadful malaise, so only a quarter of our household has been struck down. Funnily enough the females in our home have colds, but it doesn't seem to be as serious as the dreaded man cold.
The symptoms of man cold appear to be similar to that of regular colds everyone suffers, just more extreme. There is, of course, the added symptoms of excessive whinging, moaning and groaning. The patient will often think they're dying and sometimes try to find baseless reasons for their pain.
I'm hopeful that scientists will see how devastating this illness can be and develop a vaccine. I guess when the day-to-day running can still be done by the women (who are obviously not affected) they have so far seen no need. Perhaps we should start a fund-raising group. We could sell giant dummies at the train station on a special Friday we name 'Dummy Spit Day - let's spit out man cold for good'.
Women who are exposed to the effects of man cold should never, I repeat never, try to downplay the seriousness of man cold – it is a very debilitating condition, or so I'm told.
The only way to survive man cold is to put the patient in an isolated place (preferably a sound-proof room far away from the rest of the household) and take a measure of red wine or vodka (the carer, not the patient) regularly while symptoms persist. Hopefully within a day or two the illness will have passed.
PS - as you can see I have updated the design of 'A Day in the Life'. Would love to hear your thoughts. Do you love it? Hate it? Like the old one better?