Dinner, drinks, laughs and panadol

It's Saturday, yet again! Time to share what I'm grateful for...


* Good friends - dinner, a glass of wine and a lot of laughs with good friends can be medicine for the soul.

* Panadol – feverish kids this week has meant I've been grateful for paracetamol giving them a bit of relief.

* Gluten-free bakeries – being able to buy a sweet treat that all my friends can enjoy.


What are you grateful for this weekend? Join in with Maxabella Loves... grateful Saturday.

Heart break

'Don't touch that!' she yells and she snatches away the doll's stroller. 'I don't like you.'

The words strike Lil-lil like a snake bite. Frozen, her eyes turn red as tears well in the corner. Her head drops and she sits slowly on rock. Lil-lil turns back and looks, checking that what just happened wasn't something she imagined.

After a minute, she stumbles over to me, 'I want to go home', the words catching in her throat.

I put my arms around her, then grasp her hand as tightly as I can and head across the park.

Halfway home, Lil-lil says: 'Why doesn't anyone like me?' My heart sinks.
'Oh, there's lots and lots of people who like you! Lots of people who love you.' I then rattle off name after name. Slowly the smile comes back to her face.

'I know you really like her and want her to be your friend, but if she doesn't want to play with you there are plenty of other people who like you and want to be your friend,' I try to reassure her.

She skips the rest of the way home. My heart still feels like it's going to fall out of my chest in a million pieces. I know that this is the first of many times someone in a playground will hurt her. Someone she desperately wants to impress. Someone she wants to befriend. I know that she needs to become resilient, but when her feelings are hurt, her pain is multiplied by 100 in me.

In the swim

I've always been a bit of a water baby. I love being in the water. The feel, the weightlessness and sensation of being underwater. As a very young child, I used to sit on the bottom of the pool and was constantly being 'rescued' by well-meaning strangers. I'm not a great or a strong swimmer, laps bore me senseless. You're more likely to find me in the 'splash and play' section of the pool.

I really want my girls to love the water like I do. I have so many happy memories of summers spent at the beach or in the pool. Lil-lil started out liking the water but somewhere along the way it all went a little wrong. She didn't hate it, but she didn't want to put her head under and was really anxious in the water. She started protesting every time we went to swimming lessons, once there she didn't mind the lessons but would negotiate endlessly with the teacher about what she would and wouldn't do. It was painful for everyone and I became a little despondent as things seemed to be going backwards.

At the end of last term, the head of the swim school, who had been filling in for Lil-lil's regular teacher, pulled me aside and suggested that things weren't going too well. (Tell me something I don't know!)
So, we decided to put her into a holiday intensive program and I researched which teachers would be best able to help her. Preparing myself for a week of hell, I was pleasantly surprised when things began to improve almost straightaway. Lil loved the teacher and we enrolled in her class this term. Each week, Lil-lil grows more confident and she's improving out of sight. I wouldn't have believed it if you'd told me this a month or so ago.

I'm so proud of her, voluntarily putting her head under the water, happy to put her hand up to try something new and improving more and more each week. We're going away in a couple of weeks – a beach holiday with a visit to a water park – so it's going to be magic to see Lil actually enjoy herself in the water.

That's my proud parental boast for the day!

Happy birthday, T!

Sometimes in life you're lucky enough to meet a good person. Someone who is kind, funny, smart, generous and caring. A true friend who calls when she thinks you may need something. A friend who is happy to put herself out, if it means making your life a little easier. A friend who will tell it like it is, but in the kindest possible way. A friend who has a laugh so contagious you want to say something funny just to hear it.

I'm lucky enough to have someone like this in my life who I can call my friend. Lil-lil is lucky enough to have someone like this as her godmother.

That someone is celebrating a birthday today, so.....

Happy birthday, T! We hope you have the most wonderful day and the year ahead brings you nothing but joy, fun and laughter. We love you and appreciate all you do for us. xxx

Life in the slow lane

Earlier this week I talked about taking the rush out of my kids' lives. I wanted to slow things down a notch. Often, being a stay-at-home mum, I feel compelled to get them out seeing, experiencing, learning. I think this is due to a mix of the girls needing lots of stimulation and that I don't want them to miss out on learning experiences that other kids in care/preschool may be getting. It's probably due to my own insecurities that pop up when people are surprised they're not in some sort of care. I hear a lot of: "Really? You will send them to preschool at some stage though??"

Sure, they do swimming, ballet and go to preschool-type class with their Grandma, they're not locked up in their room twiddling their thumbs. They spend almost every afternoon playing in our local park with the local kids, so they socialise a lot, but I still feel pangs of guilt of 'Am I doing the right thing'. Which I know will happen whatever I do.

Anyway, back to the point of my post which is this – I wanted to stop rushing around as much, take advantage of the time at home together (which will end next year when Lil-lil does go to preschool), live the slow life. So, on Sunday with the rain pelting down we watched old home movies together as a family. It was fabulous! Seeing how the girls have grown, remembering all the little things they used to do which we'd forgotten and the girls thought it was great to watch a movie where they were the stars. In the afternoon we made pasta. It was messy and fun, plus we had enough for two yummy dinners.

On Monday, we stayed in our PJs until lunchtime. The girls painted, coloured in, danced and played with their toys. Yesterday, we baked muffins together. This was an idea I got from Pink Patent Mary Janes, a lovely way to spend some time with the girls, they love helping out in the kitchen and we have some healthy treats that I know aren't filled with fat, salt or sugar.

Now the week is starting to get busier and we are getting out and about a little more, but I feel relaxed from the gentle time at home and I think the kids do too.

What things do you like to do at home? Give me some inspiration!

Baby bonus

I have quite a few things I want to do today – bake some healthy muffins for the kids for afternoon tea, do a lot of washing, take Lil-lil to the GP for her vax, do some more washing. One thing I won't be doing is signing up to a certain service where I can pay to find out first what Lleyton and Bec Hewitt have called their newest addition.

I mean, I didn't even know she was pregnant. So paying for the privilege of receiving an SMS to find out they've called it Brooklyn or Moses or whatever, not really my thing. It all seems, well, just a touch tacky. Yes, I know they're not known for their taste.

I'm all for celebrities taking control of how information is presented to their fans, but this reeks of drama and attention seeking to me. Holding on to the name for an extra week to build up drama, perhaps get a few more subscribers to pay 2 bucks a pop? Hmmmm.

I think they should take a look at Jamie and Jools Oliver. After the birth of his son, Jamie released the news and a pic almost immediately for free over Twitter. Soon after the family posed for photos outside the hospital looking radiant, Jools proudly showing off her baby belly and looking like a blissfully happy mum who'd just had a baby. No drama, all class. Sure there were some raised eyebrows over the name (they are celebs after all), but I think everyone admired the fact they behaved like normal excited parents. Natural and honest. No hiding away until the paid-for glamour spread appeared in a magazine.
Personally, I'm more inclined to watch one of Jamie's shows or take a look at his books, because the way they handle themselves is more appealing. I'm not going to roll my eyes when he pops up on the telly.
Isn't this what celebs are after anyway?

Anyhoo, back to baking those muffins and hanging out the first load of washing....

What's the hurry?

Sometimes the universe tries to teach you a bit of lesson, sometimes we take notice, a lot of the time I think we simply ignore it. The past few days, something keeps on coming up and so much so I just can't ignore it.

It started last Thursday and Friday, as I got the girls ready to get out to their different lessons. As usual we were trying to get out the door and things kept coming up – Goosey wanted to change her shoes, we couldn't find goggles for swimming, a nappy needed changing, etc, etc. I kept hearing myself say: "Hurry up," "Move along," "Come on," "Quickly!" "Let's go". Hurrying them along. I hate being late, I'm a punctual person, always have been.

While most of the time I feel like I spend my days running in circles chasing the girls, I spend the other part hurrying them along. Like all little kids, they get distracted by all the small wonders of the world. They like to stop and see what that snail's doing. Stop and pick a flower. Stop and say hello to a neighbour. While nice, being a typical adult I just want to get there and get things done. Gone are the days when you can jump in the car and buy some milk in 5 minutes, that task now takes 45 minutes.

But the other day as I was hurrying them along, I really hated the way I sounded. Pushy, rushed, flustered.

Then on Saturday, we had to go to our local shopping centre to pick up a couple of last minute things for the party. The girls were slowly negotiating a steep flight of stairs in the car park, when a 20-something girl with a phone glued to her ear pushed past us like we were invisible, almost knocking the girls over. 'What's your rush?' I thought.

Ten minutes later, in the shopping centre, negotiating another flight of stairs, an almost indentical girl with a phone glued to her ear did the exact same thing. 'Jeez,' I thought. 'Rushing around to nowhere.' I realised that I had once been that person, rushing around, trying to get from A to B asap. Never stopping to think, 'Gee it really is a nice day today.'

Last night, as I put the girls to bed I said: 'Quick! Into bed.'
Lil-lil looked at me and said: 'Why do I have to do it quickly?'
That question stopped me in my tracks, the only real reason was I was tired and wanted to crash on the couch as soon as I could. Which I admit is precious for me, as time to sit and not hear "Mum!" is not bountiful.

After they were in bed, I realised we had no milk for the morning, so jumped in the car to go to the shop. On the radio, Steve Biddulph was being interviewed (he's written the highly successful books Raising Boys and Manhood) and was saying "Hurrying sucks the love out of relationships and families."
He said that families should take extended time away before school got too busy, to fall into their own groove and reconnect. Take the hurry out of family lives for a while.

It was then I realised I was really being hit over the head with this lesson about hurrying.

The minute you have a child you instantly have to stop. Fall into their time frame. When a baby needs to be fed, it needs to be fed now, it can't wait until you finish what you're doing. You can't hurry a baby along when it's feeding. When Lil-lil was a newborn, I felt like the rest of the world was whizzing past me while I was trapped in a little bubble. While it was wonderful, it also felt a little isolating, I missed my friends who were whizzing past me and most all I missed Skip who was able to move at his own pace a little more freely and I missed being at his side.

You slowly catch up with the world again, and there is this pull to try and push the kids into the fast pace of life, when really they have it right, I think. Take your time. Enjoy the small things. Take note of the small joys. Don't be in such a hurry that you lose sight of what and who is really important.

Kids are hard work, but this is one of the most important lessons they teach a parent. The responsibility and hugeness of the role of a parent is balanced by life being stripped back to the basics and taking things at a slower pace. Even though raising small kids does seem like a blur of chaos a lot of the time, it's important to stop. Push the hurry to side.

While I do enjoy the slow life with the kids and try to relish the time, I do get frustrated at just how slow they move sometimes. I'm guilty of thinking about all the things I could be getting done while changing their clothes for the 16th time that day or reading that same book yet again or stopping to look at that dandelion on the nature strip. I'm going to try and take a deep breath this week and slow down a little. Forget about ticking absolutely everything off the to-do list, I know some of my list can wait until tomorrow. Try and not hurry so much. Try not to hurry them along so much. Most importantly I'm going to try and take a look at the world through their eyes just a little more than usual.