Byron bliss

Over the weekend my family and I decided to take a little road trip. Go exploring.
We headed down the coast when Skip said: "why don't we keep driving to Byron Bay" and we decided why not indeed! Before we knew it we were sipping coffee as we wandered around The Farm and then devouring fish and chips next to the sparkling sea.

Byron has always been my happy place, somewhere I've just felt relaxed, rejuvenated. I went there for a day visit when I was 15 and then went to schoolies there 22 years ago when the love affair truly began. Then there were end of Uni-year getaways, which eventually morphed into family holidays and most recently Skip and I escaped for an adults only vacay.

When Skip and I went on our kid-free Byron, I was saying that I believed self-help is going to be the next big thing (again) for all the 20 and early 30-somethings who have lived their adult lives on social media who are suddenly looking for more. Looking for meaning beyond likes and summing up themselves with emojis. This idea fascinated me, so I've been reading a lot of the self-help stuff that's around and realised what a lot of drivel it is. Really it offers "motivation" and "taking control of your life" and finding "inner happiness" but most of it is written in a way that can be adapted for any situation. So it's a one size fits all approach, you can read into it whatever you want to read into and then hold it up as "proof" of a way to live or a "key" on your journey to fulfilment. In my mind it's just telling your whatever you want to hear to justify your choices.

As we were wandering around on our day exploring we can across a lovely guy with Down syndrome busking. He had a sign up saying he was an international rock star, he wore a glittery hat and he danced like there was no tomorow. Pure joy right there. He was having the time of his life and his joy made us all smile goofy smiles.

The thing is the real key to happiness is right there in front of us. It's jumping in the car and driving somewhere special. It's singing your lungs out in the car to a song you're heard a million times. It's giggling as you watch the kids jump over waves. It's dancing without inhibition in your lounge room. It's licking the salt and grease off your fingers of a decent piece of fried fish as your toes dig into the sand. It's laughing until your belly aches at something silly or inappropriate. It's dreaming about doing it all again next weekend. It's closing your eyes and dancing to your beat.

So yesterday was a magic day. Being in my favourite place with my four most favourite people on a most gorgeous day. That right there is happiness. A little memory that I'll carry with me.

Instant Karma's gonna get you

Karma. Reaping what you sow. Treat others as you'd like to be treated. What goes around comes around. Whatever you call it, as a parent this is a lesson that I (and I know most parents) try and try again and again to teach my kids. I think it's one of the tougher lessons to learn too, because when there's something you really want (a lolly, some money, whatever) just sitting there, the temptation can be too much, why not take it? When there's a chance you're going to get in trouble, why not lie? I'm trying to reinforce that those few moments that feel good or stop you getting in trouble may be great, but the bad stuff coming is far worse that resisting temptation.

I'm really big believer in Karma or reaping what you sow. I truly believe that you get back what you put out, so I know that I try to live the best life I can live. Of course, I'm never perfect and stuff up a lot.  I can be negative, cynical, bitchy, whatever, but I would never go out of my way to hurt others and I try to catch myself and stop any negative behaviour. Basically, I think if you consistently lie, cheat and steal (literally or figuratively), essentially treat people badly then it's going to come back to you in some way or another. It may not be today or tomorrow, but that negativity is going to come back to you in equal, or larger, measures. I think if you try your best to do right by people, treat them with respect, be honest with them, listen to them, just be there for them, then a whole lot of good things come back to you. When you hit those speed bumps in life (as you always will), there will be a lot of good people around to support you. I want to live life knowing that whatever happens, I've done the very best that I can do.

Which is why I'm trying hard to teach my kids this lesson. Lessons like, if you lie, you lose people's trust and that is a really hard thing to regain. Trust is one of those things you don't realise how important it is until it's gone. Trying to teach them to be good to each other as siblings, as hard as it can be at times, because the family living under their roof are the people they need to treat the best. The people they need to be able to trust and rely on. Mostly their eyes roll or glaze over when I talk about treating family the very best and always being there for them, but I hope that one day it will sink in. That they'll be good citizens. Good people. A good basis to build a good life on.

Do you believe in Karma?

"Nothing happens by chance, by fate. You create your own fate by your actions. That's Karma"

- Unknown.

The Butterfly Effect

The skies above Brisbane at the moment are filled with the fluttering white wings of butterflies. Where ever you look they are fluttering here and there above the trees and bushes. It's quite something. Apparently it's an annual butterfly migration, but one this big only happens every decade or so.

Last week, the kids were invited to a friend's house and they told us of a butterfly tree they'd found in the reserve behind their home. So, of course we set off into the bush looking for it. Setting off down the dirt track, it wasn't long before we could see hundreds and thousands of flapping white wings over this one tree. The lady who showed us the tree had lived there 16 years and said she'd never seen anything quite like it. 

The kids were mesmerised, as was I, it was amazingly lovely. 

As I look at all these insects fluttering over our heads, I think of the butterfly effect. Are all these tiny fluttering wings above a sign of change to come? Do their tiny wings herald a big change ahead?

I'm not sure that I believe one tiny event can change the whole course of our life, I would really like to believe in destiny and that we'll end up where we're supposed to be whatever path we take. But can it? Can one tiny action or event change everything for ever? Can we see it if it does?

This makes me think about change and why things are always evolving. The past short while, I have had this stomach-churning feeling that change is on its way. (Now don't see this as a read into anything about American politics, because whatever happens will happen there, this is more for me). Although, in my recent life, change has been constant, so maybe I'm just used to constant change. I don't know. I'm a person who goes on gut instinct and I just feel something is on its way. I'm hopeful it's good. In fact, I'm hopeful that it's wonderful. Or maybe I'm just hungry! 

Knowing that I'm powerless to change other people or things (as much as I'd like to at times), I'm focusing on making change in myself good, as that's all I can do. So, I try my best to be there for my little family. Be honest and good to myself. Be positive. Be true. I figure, whatever happens or if nothing happens, then it's not a bad way to live. 

In the meantime, I'll enjoy the spectacular show of wings overhead. 

  

Lonsome

Moving and having to set up all over again definitely isn't easy. Putting yourself out there, making small talk, trying to find 'connection' is pretty tiring. It's also way out of my natural comfort zone.

I have found it far more difficult to do it here in Brisbane than in Dubai. Here people aren't as receptive to new friends. But I feel like in the past week or so, I have turned a corner. Now when I walk up to school pick up I have people who yell out "Hello!" and stop for a chat. Ask how I got on with something. It really makes a difference.

Feeling alone and feeling lonely are awful feelings. Unfortunately Skip has to travel for work a lot, which doesn't help and I really miss him being around. It's also hard for Skip when he's been working all day and then coming home to a wife who wants to chat, chat, chat, when he's already been talking all day. Of course, I light up with excitement when he gets home, when all he wants to do is chill out for a while.

We had visitors last night from Sydney and it's always fantastic when people come visit. Of course, though, I ramble on with rubbish just because I'm so excited to have actual adults to converse with! So much excitement on my behalf they'll probably won't want to return for some time!

Hopefully, this is the start of building new friendships and the lonesome feelings will disappear.

Happy Halloween

Snapchat filters make for easy Halloween costumes...

My young boy came running in this morning just after 5am (damn Queensland and it's resistance to Daylight Savings). "Happy Halloween!" he cried. With hugs and kisses all round. You would have thought it was someone's birthday!

For the next three hours until I could drop him at kindy, there were approximately 150 more "Happy Halloween!" My sweet-toothed boy who loves to dress up could not be anymore excited on this Halloween day. He ran up to everyone on the street and in the playground making sure they were filled with the happiness of Halloween. His joyful cheers put smiles on every face he met, even the biggest Halloween cynics.

I know there are a lot of people who dislike Halloween out there in Australia, but I think there's nothing wrong with dressing up, eating some lollies and meeting some of your neighbours. At the very least putting a smile on someone's face on a dreary Monday can't be a bad thing.

So happy Halloween!

Then, here and later

"It's just I'm surprised that five years on I'm still surprised how relentless it is. The lack of time that I thought would be abundant to do things for me. Dreams of pursuing a dream or exercise or reading or anything else are still just dreams. Even to sit and dream is just a dream."

The above is a quote from a blog post I wrote five years ago about being a parent. How that before I became a parent, I believed I'd be this mother earth type who'd suddenly have all this time to dedicate to myself and my child. I was obviously deluded and the reality was actually years of relentless hard work. While I might get depressed about this and tell myself that my life is slipping away or monotonously mundane (which it no doubt is), it is just one part of many parts of my life.   

I was recently watching Dazed and Confused again, I hadn't watched it in years and it brought back lots of memories. There's a line near the end of the movie though that goes something like this: "If in 20 years time, I say that school was the best time of my life, please kill me".

I don't think there's a parent out there who hasn't been told: "Oh soak up this wonderful time, it goes too fast." And as you stand there unshowered, unslept and with spew and poo down your front, think you'd really rather forget it all, thanks anyway.

When you're in the middle of the grind. The tedium. Whatever stage of life. You often fail to take note of the good stuff that's happening around you. You may lament that it's  not as you thought it would be, let's face it, it rarely is. We spend all of our lives, waiting for life to really start happening. Then that waiting for something becomes life. As time moves on, you forget the tedium and all those good times, however minuscule, are the ones that remain. Spending all day, every day with your friends. No bills. Little responsibility. Laughing as your baby giggles uncontrollably. Watching them take their first steps. A glass of wine and a singalong after a long day.

It's like when you go on that holiday or camping trip. At the time you're obsessed with that lost piece of luggage. Getting ripped off by that guy in the market. The rain that poured down and flooded your tent. Missing that train. All these things are going to destroy what should be the time of your life, dammit. Down the track, all you remember is that cocktail on the beach. How good that gelato in the square tasted. Long hours of conversation round the campfire. When you do remember the lost luggage or getting ripped off, it simply makes for a rollicking dinner party story.

The rise of social media, ensures that we can curate the 'good' bits and edit the bad in the here and now without the necessary passage of time to help soften the memory. We are reassured the good moments are indeed good by how many "likes" we get. And if we don't get enough likes, we can try again with another "good" moment. That scares me, I have to admit. The pressure on those "good" bits has escalated to a point where we don't even enjoy them anymore (unless we get validation from someone else that yes, that's good and we're liked). Then we have to up the ante and find another good moment. Ironically we stop enjoying those small gems of good time. Those simple joys are suddenly promoted to the time-of-your-life moments. Such a lot of pressure. 

Hindsight is always 20-20. I could go back and tell myself to not worry so much about school. I could tell  my 18-year-old self, to not cover up on the beach embarrassed because, love, that's as good as it's going to get. I could tell my 25-year-old self to stop wasting so much money and put something away. I could tell my 30-year-old self to stop worrying and enjoy that tiny baby. The thing is I wouldn't listen, even to my older and wiser myself. What I can do, is to tell myself now, that this is just one moment in time. That sleepless night worrying about XYZ won't matter in 12 months or 10 years time. The small gems of joy that may escape my vision right now will appear later on, like a developing photograph. 

Working it out

Life is a funny thing. Blogging is an even funnier thing. I was just having a quick look online when suddenly I was drawn to start reading an old blog post of mine Things Will Always Work Out.

Funny because, at the time five years ago, we were trying to sell our house and find a 'family home' that would fit us all and our impending arrival (Darbs). It felt like the biggest thing in the world. We didn't sell our house. We still own it, in fact. And yes, things did indeed work out. We did live somewhere. Dubai. Then Brisbane. The adventure of life and not really knowing what's around the corner. Life can take you some great places if you let it.

I do still believe that Things Will Always Work Out, and that's not because I'm an eternal optimist because at the moment I feel like I am quite a pessimist with a good dash of cynicism thrown in. I now believe that Things Will Work Always Out simply because they have to. We just don't have a choice. It's sink or swim. So when I now say "Things will work out", I think I really mean "We'll work things out, whatever is thrown at us". Unfortunately (or fortunately) you can't plan for life as it often has very different ideas.

This week marks my 10-year anniversary of being a parent (otherwise known as my eldest's 10th birthday). What a ride that has been. Being a parent has taught me more than anything else in my life. Those first few days, weeks, years were so overwhelming on so many levels. I lost myself there for quite a while. I'd even go as far to say I'm only now starting to raise my head and look around and take a breath. Ten years of parenting young children will no doubt do that to you. I'm older and wiser, pretty bashed around edges. I do have three amazing kids to show for it. And they really are incredible. I don't feel worthy of them sometimes.

As I've said here recently, I'm taking some time to work on myself at the moment. Focus on me, pour goodness on me and hope that it trickles down to my family. My husband. My kids. I guess I want to like myself more and I want my husband, my kids and my parents to be proud of me. I don't really care what anyone else thinks of me, but as long as those people are happy to call me their wife, mum and daughter, well, I think I've done alright. I know that if I can be a better person, it will make my family better. So I'm eating better, exercising more, taking care of myself.

None of us are going to make it out of here alive. Bad stuff is definitely going to happen. We can't stop it no matter how #grateful #blessed we tell everyone on Facebook we are. People will get sick. People will die. Nasty things will happen. The only thing I can control is how I am in this moment. How I treat those around me. How honest I am with them and myself.

Gratitude is the big thing at the moment. If we show we're grateful for what we have, that will make us happy. It's the secret to life. Or so they tell us. But let's face it, we're human and we'll always secretly be wanting something more, something better, something else. So, I don't really believe in gratitude.

I think appreciation is the secret to happiness. Let that person know what you admire about them. That you miss them. That you love them. Listen to them. Be there for them. Support them. I think we often forget to do this and take those around us for granted. When they are the building blocks of our lives. We think "Oh they already know we love them. Are there for them", but do they? I know I'm guilty of this. When things do go wrong (and there will be times they do), we will need those around us to keep us up and to work things out.

Recently, a friend just sent me a text saying "I miss you". It's funny how three small words can make you feel appreciated, important and loved.

I stuff up and I continue to stuff up on an almost daily basis. I'm sure this will continue for the rest of my life. Things will work out, I'm sure.