Tuesday 17 May 2016

You old hag

As I was doing Goosey's hair this morning, she was looking wistfully at a picture of herself as a toddler and said: "I wish I was three again, I don't like getting old, Mum."

Stifling a chuckle, I replied: "Well, it's not that bad and you can't change it, Darbs just wants to be old like you, remember."

I'm rapidly approaching the big 4-0 in a couple of months and while it feels weird to be almost 40, I have to say I don't mind at all. It's much better than the alternative and not turning 40! I'm healthy, my family are healthy and that makes me luckier than a lot of people in the world. Last year, when I was diagnosed with my tumour, I was forced to think about the possibility of life being cut short about not growing old, so bring on old age I say!

Plus, I think life gets more interesting as I get older. I think I get more interesting as I get older. So, if that's the case, who wouldn't want to get older?! God, it would be so boring to stay 25 or 30 forever. The other thing, being a mum, I'm always brought back to earth. When I was talking about my birthday and maybe having a party, Lil-lil said to me: "Why? It's not a big deal or anything. It's not like turning 10." Of course not, what can be more important than turning 10?

The only downside of turning 40 is the fact that it's all starting to go by so fast. There's so much I want to do and all those lazy days you feel you could waste when you're young start to feel a bit more precious. A minute ago I was picking out a cot and a pram, these days we're picking out high schools. Before long it will be formal dresses, universities and schoolies (perish the thought).

With that though comes more time to explore for myself. Now the kids are not so reliant on me every minute of every day, I can start to read more books, write more, squeeze more time to follow my pursuits. Maybe even a sneaky adults-only trip away.

So you see, I'm really looking forward to turning 40. For a brief moment, I thought about doing one of those bucket list 'before I turn 40' things that a lot of people do. Then I didn't really see the point, for me  40 is a new, exciting chapter and I think it's going to be a great time in my life, I really and truly do. So,  I'm going to start a list of things to do after I'm 40. I feel wiser and more prepared for it than any other stage of my life. I can look back at what I've done and what I've achieved and know that what ever gets thrown my way I can get through, I can go forth not feeling fearful.

I almost feel like I'm turning 18 and that life, real grown up life, my life, might start now. And I might actually have a little bit of control over it, although as I've learnt we have no control over life. Just like babies, life is predictable in its unpredictability.

Image courtesy of Bulldogza at DigitalFreePhotos.net


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