The Daze of My Life

Bliss

2012-01-31T08:12:00.000+11:00

Before the past five weeks of holidays become just a faint memory, here is a little recap of all the fun we had....

Playing with good friends

Baking for Chrissy

Beach babe

Dad and son at the races

Tortured by big sisters

Harbourside picnic dinner

Visiting the museum

Just hanging in the backyard

Swimming at Balmoral

Practice putting up the tent

Mount Warning

Fishing in Pottsville

Hurt head

A lot of running on the beach.

Waterslides

Rain, lots of rain and floods.

Dancing on the beach

Good view for an Australia Day drink

More dancing on the beach

Goodbye beach...

....Hello, Sydney.

A little bit different

2012-01-30T11:46:00.001+11:00

Reality. She always comes a'knockin' no matter how hard you try and keep her away. Today she thudded on our door as hard as Seventh Day Adventists on a peaceful Saturday morning.

We made it home safely from the north coast, around a few flood detours. I had a bit of a heavy heart being home. It will be years before we get five weeks to spend together as a family again, it seemed to fly by. But we did a lot of fun things and created a whole bunch of memories.

Skip was back to work this morning. As he came out cleanly shaven, the girls barely recognised him with five weeks worth of beard gone.

Goosey went back to preshool, so eager to get there. Lil, D and I dropped her off. The teachers oooh and aaah'd over how much D had grown. Goosey ran around discovering her place again. Lil felt a little weird that it wasn't her preschool anymore and commented on the new layout.

Lil doesn't start school until the end of the week, so I'm enjoying spending time with her before she goes.
When we got home she commented: "I think this day should be called 'a little bit different day'. Because dad looked different and preschool looked different. It's all a little bit different."

She nailed it. There has been a definite shift. It's a new year and everything has changed from the last. Something new is in the air. Reality is here and it's time to get moving and shake the sand from our toes.

Floods and foreheads

2012-01-26T13:46:00.001+11:00

It's been wet. That is an understatement. On Tuesday the rain started coming down hard. Very, very hard and did not ease in the slightest until 4pm on Wednesday. I can say, without hesitation, I've never seen rain like it. Ever.

A couple of times I thought of going down in the lift to the chemist about 10 metres away and I didn't dare go. The weather was too awful.

Yesterday afternoon, we decided to go into town (Kingscliff) to get some supplies. Roads were flooded, the rain still pelting down.

We turned into Chinderah and the Tweed River had swallowed half the road. We were forced to drive in the breakdown lane. Just after we slowly drove through, the cricket on the radio was interrupted by a somber voice telling us that the small town was being evacuated.

We got our supplies and headed back to the village we're staying in, having to turn back a couple of times as the roads were flooded.

As we pulled in our holiday home the rain stopped. Finally. The wind dropped.

We seized the moment and took to the beach. It was far too rough to swim, but we ran and played and soaked in the fresh air. It was glorious.

Later that night, the girls had gone to bed. I was settling D when I heard a sickening thud. Goosey had dived and whacked her forehead on the metal corner of the bunk beds. I came out to see her pale and a dribble of thick red blood running down her face.

Having knocked her head a few times before and sat in the ER with her, I knew she didn't have a bad concussion. The gash was deep and probably could have used some glue or a stitch. That would mean driving in rising flood water at night. Instead, we managed to patch her up quite well.

So not the best day of our holiday.

Two more sleeps and we're headed home. Fingers firmly crossed that we get some dry weather to enjoy here and then for a safe drive home.

School , it a cometh

2012-01-21T14:31:00.001+11:00

While I've been away, I've had lots of time to think about Lil-Lil starting school. I must admit, I've never understood the mothers who weep at the gate as they wave goodbye on that first day of school. I've always thought it would be more exciting than sad. As the day approaches though I'm starting to get it.

Lil-Lil and I have been through a lot. Being a firstborn she's has the rough job of breaking me into motherhood. It's been a long journey these past five years, which is why I think firstborns have a unique relationship with their parents. Poor kid.

As I get ready to send her out into the world I'm starting to panic a little. Have done well enough by her? I should have has more patience, been more engaged, soaked up the days with her a little more. Will she cope being thrown into the deep end of school?

Maybe it's my anxiety, knowing all the challenges she's going to face. Bitchy girls, cranky teachers, teasing boys. Mental arithmetic. Urgh. Her innocence will be lost and at the moment I'm soaking in that gorgeous innocence. She's naively so happy about the 'fun' of big school, but it's really her first step into a lifelong journey of challenges.

Of course there is the selfish fact that she's going to need me less. That Maddy or Sienna or whoever at school is suddenly going to be smarter/cooler in her eyes. She will probably worship her teacher.

As much as I've downplayed it to myself, starting school is a big deal. And I will miss her. That precious time of her being a little kid at home is over, but I feel lucky to have had it.

I'm also a teeny bit excited to watch her blossom, as I'm sure she will. I will probably shed a little tear on that first day, but also a big sigh of relief that we made it this far. That we've survived the first leg of childhood relatively unscathed. Let's hope we survive the next!

Perception is every thing

2012-01-20T08:59:00.001+11:00

This morning while buttering toast I quipped to the kids that we had 8 sleeps left of our holiday.

Lil-lil promptly burst into tears and sobbed: 'eight sleeps? That's not long at all."

I tried to console her saying: "We still have eight whole sleeps. We've only been here for six sleeps. We still have lots of time to have lots of fun."

Tears stained her red cheeks as she tried to process this. She sighed and said: "It's still not long enough. I want to be here forever."

Me too, kid, me too. Not the optimist I wanted her to be, but I understand.

Making hay

2012-01-18T09:04:00.001+11:00

The weather where we are is shit. No other word for it. When the inclement weather leads the news, you know it's not good. Especially for a beach holiday.

We woke up yesterday to pelting rain, disappointed that our dreams of ambling across the road to the beach and hours of splashing and playing on the sand weren't coming true. It would have been easy to get grumpy, down about it, but you can't change the weather.

As soon as there was a gap in the rain we headed to the local farmers markets. The best I've ever been to. Small but every stall bursting with flavour and all local. Skip was in heaven picking out tomatoes so ripe they're about to burst, fragrant basil (a little too fragrant for Lil), cheeses and fresh laid eggs.

Feeling good we then headed to Byron Bay. The heavens opened up again. Instead of heading to Wategoes for a swim we stopped for a coffee. Skip declaring it the best coffee he'd ever had. After we munched down some morning tea, the rain had stopped and we headed down to the beach. The waves pumping, surfers were out in force. The girls decided to try their hand in the surf having a ball.

We managed about 30 minutes of the best fun before the rain started again.

Home for lunch and a rest, just in time for the clouds to roll back once again. We grabbed rods and took the girls fishing for the first time. They were surprisingly keen.

We fished and swam until dinner time.
I was smart enough to marry a man not only interested in food shopping but who loves to cook (and is brilliant at it). I sat with a G&T and watched him turn our purchases into nibbles and dinner. The girls lay in awkward positions and watched a Barbie movie.

Yep, for a rainy miserable day we managed to squeeze every bit of fun out of it. Now please, can the rain stop and we get some sunshine??

This silly Blogger app wouldn't let me put my pix in order, so it's like a little puzzle... Enjoy!

Boy joy

2012-01-16T15:20:00.001+11:00

This holiday has made me realise just how much I'm enjoying having D.

As I've said a million times before, I'm not a baby person, but he's an absolute delight. He's slotted into our family so easily, it's surprised me.

I tossed the whole third child thing in my head for so long. I really didn't know if I could do three. Could I go back to the beginning again? Would my life be unbearable. I then decided that I could see another little person in our life. I then decided 'yes' and I was pregnant before I could change my mind.

All through my pregnancy I encountered people who said they found three difficult, more difficult than they expected. I even met one person who said they regretted having a third, which terrified me.

I don't know if it's because I'm an old hand at this, if it's because the girls were "difficult" or because he's super easygoing, but this whole thing has been a lot easier than I expected. Even with his dramatic arrival.

Most of the time he's a joy. Sure he's a baby and he cries, often for no obvious reason. It's sometimes harder to get out and do things, but it's fun. He's so happy just to be here. He's gone from being frail and tiny, to being a delicious little dumpling.

I knew to expect the unexpected, I just really didn't expect it to be pure and simple.

He's made our family unit feel so complete. In a way I never expected.

I see the sea

2012-01-15T08:41:00.001+11:00

Sunday morning, rain softly pit-patting on the window, surf rolling and crashing. Chirping kids out splashing in puddles fetching me a coffee with their dad.

So far, holidays have been all right. Skip, not having taken leave in such a long time, has managed to take five weeks he'd accrued off - unheard of in these parts.

It's been great having time at home but it's even better to be away. Creating a new daily routine, even if it's just for a couple of weeks.

We drove up the coast, stopping just north of Coffs Harbour to pitch a tent for the night. The three kids loved it. I'm impressed we camped with a 4-month-old. Up the next morning for the next leg and more games of I Spy, we soon arrived at our apartment (which is bigger than our house).

We are enjoying the space, the time. Looking out and seeing the ocean. Sandy feet. Lazy days.

Hopefully I'll feel inspired to write again as inspiration seems to have vanished with Christmas.

My kids have holidayitis

2012-01-09T10:56:00.002+11:00

These kids make my head spin. There's no other way to put it. It think they are getting a little holiday frazzed. A little too much excitement. A little too much fun. Few too little vegetables and early nights. Any which way, they have got me up against the wall.

For example:

this morning Skip decided to take the girls to the zoo. I offered to stay at home while D napped, thinking of all the things I could catch up on - cleaning, washing, reading a book on the lounge. Bliss. About 30 seconds after the front door closed the wonderful peace was broken by a crying boy. Dagnamit! Why, oh why does this always happen? Last week when we wanted him to wake early so we could make the shops before lunchtime he decided to sleep for three hours.
For the past three weeks all I have heard out of Goosey's mouth is "Not fair!" or "I hate you, Mum." Delightful. She usually follows it up with "I love you" and cuddles, but then there's another hefty dose of "not fair".
The girls are iPad mad. I stupidly let them play with mine and they are now obsessed! They hassle me day and night to play it. Goose thinks her in-car DVD player is an iPad and won't be convinced otherwise, I think she'll be a little disappointed when we hit the road later this week. Lil-lil is so determined to get an iPad she told me that Santa will bring her one next Christmas, when I replied: "We'll see." She told me: "Santa will bring whatever I want, that's what he does and there's nothing you can do."
There are great tears when dinner is served and it's not sausages or something with tomato sauce.
Every day they want to know what special thing we're doing/eating today.
They are already asking when Easter is. Take a breath kids. Let's get over this holiday first.

They're high on the buzz of holiday routines. Empty threats are being flung around left, right and centre. We're hitting the road and heading to the beach for two weeks in a few days. I think we all need to get out of the house, suck in some fresh sea air, run on the sand and de-frazzify for a new year. Then it will definitely be time to get back to a normal routine.

Do you or your kids go holiday loco?

What is it like having three? No, really.

2012-01-07T22:27:00.001+11:00

I've been asked this a few times the past couple of days. Two good friends are about to have their thirds any second and they've been asking for the lowdown. My answer is this: "Its not as bad as I was expecting. Though it's kinda like when you have two and think 'I had no idea how easy it was just to have one'"

I've reached that stage when I don't remember what life was like before D. The only thing I remember was wondering what he'd be like and knowing I'd reach that stage of not remembering life before.

The girls are loving sleepovers at their grandma's at the moment, they adore going there, she adores them coming and we love the chance for some peace and quiet (and reliving how easy it is just to have one baby). Admittedly D is an easy baby, the other two were not.

This afternoon, Skip and I strolled around Manly pushing the pram, pretending to be parents to one baby. We stopped for a drink and a snack in a small funky wine bar, something we'd never normally be able to enjoy with three kids. D just tags along too small to run amok.

Tomorrow the girls will return with squeals of glee from all of us, because even though the peace is nice, we really are a family of five.

Below are shots from our outing. You have to love a mini burger, food always tastes better in miniature. The gin is actually a water bottle, though a Hendricks and tonic is my all-time favourite drink so this touch won me over at the Hemingway-inspired bar, so much so I went home and had a real one.

Holidaze

2012-01-06T15:01:00.001+11:00

Wow, almost a whole week without blogging. That must be a record for me. I've been too busy holidaying at home. Going to the beach, catching up with friends, cleaning up the mess that comes with having the five of us home.

To be honest, Fat Mum Slim's instagram photo a day challenge has been the sum total of my online life. I do love Instagram, def been my fave thing of the past few months.

All this time away from blogging has my mind swinging from making this blog the best ever in 2012 to just walking away from it altogether. Where will the blogging road go? I don't know. I'm pretty certain I'll be here in some form or another though. Once the kids are at school I'll work out what 2012 holds for the Daze. First things, will be a makeover, I think it's time, don't you?

For those not on Instagram, here's what I've been up to:

A good bye to the year

2012-01-01T15:31:00.000+11:00

Yesterday was the perfect end to the year. Skip, Demon D and I joined some good friends at the track for a nice lunch and a glass of French bubbles.
It was D's first day at the races and undoubtedly the first of many.

We picked winners, ate, drank and laughed. As good a day as you can have at the track.

At the end of the day we picked up our girls and I felt complete contentment to spend the evening with the people I love best. We picked up hamburgers for dinner, watched the fireworks on telly. Goosey wished us all a happy new Christmas before going to sleep.

The kids all tucked up in bed, Skip and I drank a nice glass of red, watched old video clips, listened to snippets of Jamiroquai and The Pet Shop Boys from the concert at Glebe Island as it floated in our window and tackled the big questions, such as:
Why don't people play the keyboard like a guitar anymore?
How many times on new year's eve does 'Fight for Your Right to Party' get played? We heard it three times.
Is A-Ha's 'Take On Me' the greatest film clip ever?

I then fell asleep on the couch about 1130pm.

We woke this morning to a most glorious day, which meant an early morning trip to the beach to wash away the old year.

Perfect!

How did you ring in the new year?

D checks out the form with Dad.

Tired at the end of a long day.

Race day accessories

NYE at home with my family.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who's read, commented, emailed or generally enjoyed my little corner of the web in 2011. I'm always surprised and grateful for your kind words and support. Here's to a fantastic 2012!

Hello 2012

2011-12-31T08:59:00.000+11:00

It's New Year's Eve, that time when we drag out the resolutions over glasses of champagne.
For the past five years we've stayed in on new year's eve, a glass of nice wine, takeaway and then tucked up in bed before the clock strikes midnight. Just the way I like it.

Before I drift off to sleep tonight, I'll no doubt be wondering what 2012 has in store for me. 2011 has been a massive year, with the biggest change being the arrival of our little boy. I'm pretty sure that 2012 will have some big things for us as a family too. Here's what I'm looking forward to and hoping for:

* Watching Lil-lil take on big school. I know she's going to grow in amazing leaps and bounds this year.

* Watching Goosey thrive in preschool and find her place in the world.

* Watching D grow up. This year he'll eat solids, crawl and possibly walk. He'll grow from a baby to a boy and his personality will be revealed.

*Watching Skip tackle and juggle the challenges of work and home.

* Enjoying time with Skip watching our kids grow. Laughing together and having time just the two of us.

* Creating a place for us to live, a sanctuary. Somewhere, somehow. Because this two-bed home is getting small for the five of us.

* Watching and sharing in my friends and family's milestones, happy moments and achievements.

* Finding more exciting things to challenge me personally and stretch my mind. Maybe through this blog. Maybe in some other way.

By this time next year, I'd love to be healthier and I'd also like to sit back and feel satisfied that I'd achieved some things just for me. Most of all, I hope that we make it through unscathed and happy and healthy, if we can manage that, that will be enough.

So, roll on 2012, I'm ready.

Image: supakitmod / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Living like the Jetsons

2011-12-30T09:15:00.000+11:00

The internet amazes me. You'd think that being a blogger I'd be all blase and cool about the internet and what you can do, but no, pretty much any time I get on the net I'm shaking my head in wonder. Is there anything this baby can't do? Catch up on news, online shopping, instant messaging, watch old TV ads from the 80s (I'm sad, yes). It really is amazing.

Since I've got my iPad, I've been amazed yet again. Getting my new toy has forced me to tidy up my music and sort my online self out a little bit to get the most out of it. Downloading music still makes me happy, you see I'm one of those people who go to JB Hi-Fi and buys CDs (I know, I'm a dinosaur) and I think I always will. Occasionally when I download some music I feel like I'm living in The Jetsons. You just think of the music you want, tap a few keys and BAM! there it is playing away on the computer. Amahzing.

Now I've got the iPad, I've decided it's time to download a book. Again just browse online, find the book you want and there it is. You don't even have to get off the lounge. Like wow.

When they first came out I pooh-poohed the iPad. Why would I need that when I've got a MacBook and an iPhone? Then those bloody ads started to win me over and I started to think, I'd like to do that. Then at blogging events I'd see people get their iPads out and I started to think 'Yeah, I''d really like to do that'.
Now I've got it and I can do so much more than I realised and I'm officially in love with it. It took my kids about 5.5 seconds to work out how to use it and I can hear them yawning when, in the future, I tell them about having to read books and go to libraries to do assignments.

Now, if it would only shoot out a steaming hot pizza or dress me in the perfect outfit, then I could really live like The Jetsons...

What technology amazes you?

2011, the year that was.

2011-12-29T07:02:00.003+11:00

This time last year, I could never have envisaged what 2011 had in store for me. It's been an incredible year, with lots of surprises. Trying to sell our home, travel problems, wonderful holidays, good times, worrying times, big milestones, hospital visits, having a new baby. Before we move on to 2012, here's the year that was in pictures...

January

Australia Day

We went on a Mini adventure for a weekend with some friends and had a ball

Lil-lil started preschool, a massive step for her (and me).

February

Goosey and I got to spend one-on-one time together for the first time.

Goosey got her tonsils and adenoids out.

Pink Patent Mary Janes and I went away to BabyMac-land for a weekend.

March

A quiet month, the autumn carnival and the blogging conference the only highlights. The lowlight was nausea...

April

We announced we were expecting our third bub.

We got stuck at Sydney airport for hours in a security breach

We finally got away on our wonderful holiday and had a fabulous time.

May

My bloggy buddy sent me an INCREDIBLE package from the US.

We spent family time together on Saturdays while our home was open for inspection (we failed to sell).

I made the Kidspot Top 50 Bloggers!

Skip had a birthday.

June

We went on a road trip to Western Plains Zoo.

Lil-lil went to the fire station on her first excursion, she talked about it for the rest of the year.

July

I had a birthday and had a gorgeous night out with Skip and a great day with the girls and the bump.

The girls continued to be the best of friends and worst of enemies.

The girls started to get used to the idea of having a new baby.

I finally got to see one of my favourite bands live.

Goosey had her third birthday.

August

Goosey started preschool

Skip and I had an amazing weekend in Tassie. One of the best weekends of my life.

I developed pre-eclampsia and our precious baby boy was dragged out 6.5 weeks early.

September

September was spent in hospital getting our boy well enough to come home.

Goosey had her first ever dance concert.

October

We spent time getting to know our little boy.

Lil-lil had a birthday.

November

The girls were flowergirls and Skip a groomsman.

Goosey got up close with the firemen at preschool.

December

My mum celebrated her 70th birthday with a party at our home.

Lil-lil had her ballet concert.

Our boy is thriving.

Lil-lil had her last day of preschool before starting big school in 2012.

Phew! No wonder I'm tired and ready for a month of relaxing! Bring on 2012! And plenty of blue skies ahead...

My favourite week of the year

2011-12-28T08:41:00.000+11:00

The week between Christmas and New Year is my favourite week of the year.

We're always on holidays, the rush of December is over, the fridge is full of food. We potter, go to the beach, catch up with people we love, chill out, go to the park. Nothing is ever rushed. Nothing is ever too planned. It's always fun. Most people are on holidays so there's that relaxed feel in the air.

This year we've got a special little boy to get to know a little bit better. He's developed a smile that lights up the room, so he usually has four people around him doing anything to get him to flash it.

Plans for the rest of week? More relaxing, trying to read, playing in the backyard, the beach, trips for takeaway coffees, a day at the track, reflecting on the past year and dreaming about the year ahead.

What are you doing?

Christmas Eve/Christmas Day/Boxing Day

2011-12-27T13:01:00.001+11:00

Wow, what a good couple of days! Don't you just love Christmas? The weather in Sydney has been craptastic for December, but about 2pm on Christmas Eve the sun finally came out and thank goodness for that. Three days of feasting, socialising and having fun.

Christmas Eve was spent at my Dad's place with my side of the family. There were presents, eating, drinking, swimming in the pool and going out on the boat. The girls had a ball with their cousins and were asleep before we got to the end of the street on the drive home. This was OK as it meant that they were bright enough to go and see Christmas lights later that evening with their dad, while I stayed home and wrapped the last of the gifts.

Christmas morning arrived in a flurry of wrapping paper, presents and joy. The kids were super-dooper spoilt. So was I, as I got an iPad! The sun was shining and the air warm, so we jumped in the car for our traditional Christmas morning swim at the beach. It was absolutely gorgeous at the beach and the swim was the perfect start to the day. By the time we got home, Skip's family was arriving for Christmas lunch. Another few hours of feasting, drinking and presents.

Boxing Day, a fridge full of leftovers and an esky full of drinks. Friends came over to generously help us dispose of them. Another few hours of feasting, drinking and catching up.

Today, it's cold and blustery. Perfect for a rest day at home. Lounging on the couch, reading, catching up. Everyone's a little over it and tired.

One of the best Christmases I've had in ages. Relaxing, stress-free and full of fun. Here are some shots from a fabulous three days:

Christmas lunch at my dad's.

View from my seat at lunch. Not bad.

Santa was very good to me...

Demon D ready for his first Xmas morning swims.

My trifle, which was a hit.

Spending time with family and new toys

Our shortbread and gingerbread

Loving every moment.

Happy Xmas

2011-12-23T13:27:00.000+11:00

To everyone out there, I hope you have a merry Christmas, filled with joy, laughter and fun.

Relax, enjoy yourself. Don't sweat the small stuff - if the turkey is dry, be thankful you have a turkey on your table. Appreciate the people you're sharing the day with, whoever they may be, even if they gave you a crappy thoughtless gift or said something silly. Smile, be gracious, be grateful. Do something nice for someone. Call someone you haven't spoken to for a long time and tell them you're thinking of them. Forget about grudges and ill feelings, bitterness hurts you more than it hurts them. Live this Christmas like it's your last.

Smile, laugh and love. Most of all have fun.

Happy Christmas, I'll see you on the other side.

PS: I wrote this this morning, then popped out for a couple of hours. While trying to park my car in heavy Christmas traffic, pouring rain with a crying babe in the back, a man felt it was necessary to get out of his car , block traffic and aggressively abuse me for slowing traffic. I looked at this guy, frothing at the mouth, full of rage. I'd slowed him down by about two minutes. Ironically, he blocked the cars behind for a further two minutes to abuse me. He must be very important.
How much easier would it have been to feel slightly irritated, sigh, think 'sill lady', smile and move on with his day. Instead, he chose to feel angry, make me feel shaken and awful, confuse two little girls. A bit of patience and kindness is so easy and goes a long, long way.

The best time of the year

2011-12-22T14:19:00.000+11:00

Christmas is that time where people are often brimming with stress and anxiety. Whether it's about getting all that last minute shopping done, trying to wind up the year at work, facing a day spent with or without family, enduring the rush and the crowds. Flitting from party to party or feeling down that you're alone at this time of year.

I like Christmas. I've been blessed to have family and friends who I enjoy spending the day with and who (generally) make it a stress-free and wonderful time. Now the kids are here, it's even better. When you have kids, you're able to go back and re-live that magic of Christmas as it was. Listening for Santa's sleigh bells, counting the sleeps, hanging out the stockings. Being 5 and 3, the girls are absolutely busting at the seams about Christmas.

For me, my favourite parts of Christmas are Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, rather than the big day itself. Christmas Eve has a spark and a crackle. All the mundane chores have usually been done, you've got all the holidays ahead of you and there's some excitement in the air. On Boxing Day, the formalities are over. You've got a fridge full of leftovers and a pile of pressies to enjoy. You can kick back, relax and get in holiday mode.

There's not much left to do. A couple of last gifts to pick up, some food shopping to do. Tomorrow, the girls and I will make shortbread and gingerbread. Then it's time to chill the bubbles and get ready to enjoy.

What's your favourite part of Christmas?

Halfway through day one of school holidays...

2011-12-21T13:45:00.000+11:00

...and I'm already insane.

We went to see Santa this morning and dragging three kids to the local shopping centre is a fresh kind of hell. Especially at Christmas. Car whiz through the car park trying to nab that elusive spot and I try to hang on to all three kids and stop them going under the wheels. Inside it's not much better.

There was a long queue for Santa, the kids argued with me insisting the pile of faux logs at Santa's feet were in fact sushi rolls and when I got to the top there was a sign that said: "Cash only".
When the kids finally climbed on Santa's knee we finally managed to get all three looking at the camera, everyone looked OK, except Santa. Oh well, he's not family. He then refused to give D back, insisting that he needed burping. I was just about to yell at the old man, when D spewed all over Santa's shoulder and he was thrown back in my arms.

While we waited for the pictures, I heard "I'm bored" about 15 times, then "I want to do something really special". Apparently seeing Santa is not special.

We then had to take D to get his vax, a week early as the doctor told us it was better early than late and with Christmas and all that. We wait in the waiting room. It's about as fun as being in a waiting room with three kids can be. The nurse finally came out and told us she wouldn't do the vax as it was too early, it had to be on the dot according to her. Awesome. We'd have to come back and do this again.

In the car home I made the mistake of asking what they wanted for lunch. The conversation went like this:

"What do you guys want for lunch? A sandwich?"
Goose: "I want rice and soy sauce."
Me: "I'm not making rice."
Goose: "But that's what I want."
Me: "You can have a sandwich."
Goose: "Ok, a ham sandwich."
Me: "We don't have ham. You can have an avocado sandwich. I don't run a restaurant."
Lil-lil: "Mum, we really need to get some servants. They can do everything and they won't say no like you do."

Yes, servants. Brilliant idea.
How many weeks until school starts??

And that is all

2011-12-20T07:54:00.001+11:00

First day

Last day

Today, I'm packing Lil-lil's preschool lunchbox and bag for the last time. It feels like the blink of an eye since I wrote this post about her first day of preschool, now it's all over.

Big school awaits next year. It's been a fabulous year, albeit a little too quick.

At the first day shed a few tears, one kid thought Skip was the prime minister. Now Goosey's at preschool herself, D arrived and Lil-lil is so much more grown up. I'll probably shed a couple more tears today.

An on we go!

Best buds

2011-12-19T14:01:00.001+11:00

When D first arrived on the scene, Lil-lil took him under her wing, often sighing: "I just love him so much." Goosey, on the other hand, liked him but thought he was a little dull, unless of course she pinched him.

Over the past few weeks, as D reacts more and more to his surroundings, he's become interesting to Goose. I often catch her having little conversations with him, telling him about the world, what's been happening, things she's going to do with him one day. He, in return, thinks she's pretty spesh and offers up some gorgeous smiles just for her. When he hears her voice his little head turns and looks for her.

I can't wait to watch their relationship blossom.

Crocs winners

2011-12-19T07:59:00.000+11:00

Here are the winners are the Crocs comp to spread a little Christmas cheer:

Cherie @ 'a baby called Max'
i-mumma
Mum on the Run

Congratulations!! Please email me your details so I can get your prizes out.

Merry Christmas

I have the best family. Seriously.

2011-12-18T08:23:00.000+11:00

Friday night brought the end-of-year Christmas concert at the girls' preschool. What a night!

We were so lucky to find this preschool for the girls. Simple, community preschool with a small dedicated, loving staff. It's made this year so amazing for all of us. It's everything I could ever have wished for my girls to start their education. No bells and whistles, no six course sushi lunches, no super-modern sterile facilities, just honest, warm and old school. I know the girls are going to have amazing memories of this time.

The Christmas concert had all the parents gathered in the decorated preschool grounds, everyone sharing a plate of food. The kids got up and performed two Christmas songs with gusto and huge smiles. Santa came out to everyone's delight and gave the children a book. The kids then gave their parents a bag and a book they'd loving created over the past few weeks.

Lil-lil's bag

A page from Goosey's book

I'm going to treasure these gifts forever!

Watching the girls singing together, so happy and excited had my heart swelling with pride and love.

When Santa came out my heart grew. See, Santa was played by Skip. He'd put his ego aside to be a bit silly, dress up and give the girls (and their mates) the biggest thrill. He'd given up a work function to do that for his girls. Made me so proud that he was the father of my kids.

So as I watched the three of them on the stage and looked at D strapped to my chest, I realised that we were in the midst of creating the most incredible memories. I realised that I'm lucky enough to have the best family ever. What more could you want for Christmas?

Rock your world

2011-12-16T13:36:00.001+11:00

Sick little D

Little D has his first cold. Nothing breaks your heart more than when you see your baby unwell and they don't know what the hell is going on. That croaky splutter, watery eyes and pale complexion.

Last night, when he usually screams the house down, he just groaned. He'd try to smile and then the effort would make him he'd cough. These little things make your heart do absolute flip flops. On average babies have 8 colds in their first two years or something crazy like that, but that first cold or illness is heartbreaking.

These little beings make your heart go to all sorts of extremes. They can make you crazier than anything else yet there's pure love at the same time. Once you have a child your heart is never the same again.

Some friends had their first baby yesterday, her name had a musical link and when I sent my congrats I said 'She'll rock your world'. And she will. On SO many levels. Life is never the same again, sure there's nappies, sleepless nights and guilt galore, but there's more. More love, more pain, more fun, more frustration, more joy, more heartbreak. It's like every emotion you've ever felt gets amplified by a million. Your nerves are stripped back so you feel every simple thing more keenly. Like up until now you've been living life with the mute button on.

That first cold breaks your heart into a million pieces. That first smile makes it soar higher than before. And it's just when you think your heart will recover and go back to normal, they do something else to astound you, to rock your world.

Christmas shopping Daze style

2011-12-15T11:59:00.002+11:00

Today I was supposed to go Christmas shopping. The last chance I'll get to do some without any kids. Then the baby got sick and spluttered half the night. Not wanting to infect the babysitter, I'm home with the poor little poppet. Thankfully, I already had an easy-peasy shopping plan to buy some lovely gifts, I'm going to share it with you.

Shopping with kids is a nightmare, as I'm sure many of you are well aware. To make the experience painless here are the shops and online shops I'm using this year to stock up for the festive season. If you're part of my family please stop reading now if you want a surprise on Chrissy morning. Disclaimer: While I know the people behind some of these shops, I've not been asked to do this and am not receiving anything for it. I just wanted to share these lovelies with you.

Artis & Grove

Artis & Grove descibes itself as "an online destination for hand-made, inspirational and functional pieces by artists and designers from around the globe." I call it a gorgeous little online store filled with unique gifts. If your looking for a gift for someone who loves to fill their home with unique and stylish objects this is the place to go. I know the lovely lady behind this Sydney-run business, so support local!

Tiny Trappings

Do something original and buy your loved one a piece of art. You can bet they won't be lining up in the sales to return it! Tiny Trappings is run by Michele Morcos, a talented Sydney-based artist (she also happens to be wonderful friend). Her tiny site has very affordable pieces that will brighten up any Christmas stocking.

Sienda

Sienda is a divine gift and homeware shop tucked away in a little arcade in Gladesville (in Sydney). It's run by two gorgeous ladies, Michelle and Lisa, who just happen to be my cousins. They've always had exquisite taste, the kind of people that get told 'you should open a shop' so they did and it's gorgeous. I love going in and I always wish I could buy out their stock (most of which is quality product made locally in Australia). Best of all, for me, is they entertain the kids and offer to make me a coffee (which I can't guarantee they'll do for you). Sienda is located at Shop 4, 225–227 Victoria Road, Gladesville (in the arcade between Victoria Road and Coles). They also have a website.

Kmart online

Now for something completely different. The kids will want a bit of fantastic plastic under the tree, so Kmart made it super-dooper easy. During their Toy Sale in July you could go online pick out your loot, pay it off and they'd hold on to it up until Christmas Eve. So we got toys cheap, didn't have to wander aisles looking at which My Little Pony was which, we didn't have to store it and we could pay it off, so the wallet was wounded all at one time. Utter, utter brilliance, methinks. The easiest Santa shopping ever, in fact Santa did the shopping one Sunday night while sipping a wine and listening to the wife snore on the couch. You won't be able to do it this year obviously, but keep it in mind for next.

What are your go to favourites for Chrissy shopping?

Croc rock + a giveaway

2011-12-14T08:59:00.001+11:00

My girls love shoes. They have a cupboard full of shoes. Sparkly, shiny inappropriate shoes they love to wear everywhere. Try and buy them sensible sneakers or sandals and they turn up their noses. It has to be pretty.

Which would be fine if all they did was go to tea parties, but Lil-lil loves to run. She'll run everywhere and anywhere. She ditches her bike and scooter as she just loves to run. Goosey is a scooter maniac, who terrorises everyone in the park with how fast she rides. So pretty, sparkly shoes just don't cut it.

Not so long ago we received some Crocs. Now before I go any further, I have never worn Crocs. I've always turned my nose up at them. The girls, well they LOVED them. 'Oh so pretty!'
Being the sandal-style version, rather than the clog, I had to admit they looked good.

Best of all, they've survived preschool, the park, swimming lessons. They can wear them to the beach. They're sturdy, they don't stink, they're waterproof. They're tough, but pretty enough to satisfy these active girly-girls.

So while I'm not ready to don a pair, I think the girls are going to live in their Crocs this summer.

To celebrate the arrival of summer (let's just hope it warms up soon), Crocs are offering 3 lucky readers a free pair of kids Crocs! Choose from a range of fun, colorful, and comfortable styles all made with Crocs’ unique croslite material which is odor resistant, impact absorbing, lightweight and waterproof. Visit their site to view the range available.

To enter, comment below and tell me what you're looking forward to this summer.

Entries open to Australian residents only. Entries close Sunday, 18th December 11.59pm.

What a card!

2011-12-13T12:54:00.000+11:00

I adore Christmas cards. I can be pretty slack in getting gifts and writing thank you cards (although I always think about it), but I'm good at the Christmas cards. I really like sending a festive note to those I know and love. It's the little bit of energy taken to sit down and write and post a card that I think is special.

As a kid, I loved it when the cards starting filling up the letterbox. Opening a shimmering card helped make the wait to Christmas go faster. I still love it know, thought the tradition seems to be dying.

The past couple of years, I've had cards made with a nice picture of the girls on it, to send to people we don't see every week. This year, time and getting a decent picture of all three has proven hard, so I bought cards that donated the proceeds to RPA Newborn Care. A way to acknowledge our gratitude for helping little D.

Last week, Goose was given a card with a candy cane by a preschool mate. She carried that card around all weekend and showed anyone she could, so chuffed to receive it. Yesterday, I decided to introduce the girls to the joy of giving cards. They picked out the cards they wanted and then sat down and wrote (or drew) cards for the special people in their lives. I let them do cards for whoever they wanted and it was interesting who they chose. They sat at our big table totally engrossed in the whole process for well over an hour.

I hope they continue to keep writing Christmas cards for many years to come.

Is there a tradition you love? That you'll pass on to your kids?

All I want for Christmas...

2011-12-12T15:11:00.001+11:00

If you're like me you're only just starting to think about tackling the Christmas shopping. I'm not what you'd call an early shopper. I never get going until mid-December. Here are some never-fail ideas about what to get your loved ones this year. Today, I'm talking bout books and DVDs – the never-fail Christmas option!

Books
It's not Christmas unless you get a book or two. In my opinion, the book is the best Chrissy gift ever.
Besides, isn't the holiday time in January just made for reading your Christmas books on the beach?

For Grandma try:

The Language of Flowers A Miscellany Mandy Kirkby & Vanessa Diffenbaum
This gorgeous book reveals the language the Victorians bestowed on blooms. Each flower has it's own special meaning whether it be perfect for a wedding of a funeral. Princess Kate's bouquet was carefully chosen to have flowers to reflect special meanings to her. The wonderful illustrations in this book just sets it off perfectly.

For Dad:

Dr Karl's Brain Food
Give your Dad enough dinner party chat material for the next year with Dr Karl's latest book. The science guru plates up our food and tells us what we're eating. Everything from fat germs, to modern crops and how the diet industry is booming despite failing 80% of the time.

For husband:

The Master by Les Carylon
He's won 12 Melbourne Cups, his face is one of the most famous in racing, he's allergic to horses and is arguably one of the country's best trainers. Carylon writes this tale as an observer of Australian racing for many years and one of Bart Cummings friends. One for Skip's stocking, for sure.

For Brother:

This is a Call: the life and times of Dave Grohl By Paul Brannigan
Whatever you think of him, he's been in two of the biggest bands of the past 20 years - Nirvana and The Foo Fighters. This is the story of rock'n'roll nice man Dave Grohl.

DVDs
Another top stocking filler. Plus, if the weather stays as crappy as it has been, then it's going to be a summer in front of the box.

Mad Men Season 4. Don and the gang are back with more boozing, better costumes and one-liners than ever. I love this show. LOVE!

Louis Theroux: The Strange and The Dangerous
Louis is the best. If you haven't seen any of these brilliant, insightful and hilarious documentaries. Go now!

Grand Designs: The Complete Series 1-8
Kevin McCloud and the entire series in one box set. Personally, the theme song alone calms me and makes me happy. A must for the wannabe architect in your life.

What's on your DVD or book wishlist for Christmas?

Festivus maximus

2011-12-12T13:25:00.000+11:00

Ahhh what a weekend. Eating, drinking and being merry. Festivus maximus.

Saturday morning, we went to a birthday party of the little girl of a good friend. Ice cream, cake, dancing. You know it's time to leave when the noise hits a certain pitch. You know that pitch of a kid's party that's about to go one step too far. When the kids have been filled with sugar, their fists are full of prizes and their eyes wild with fun.

The party hit that pitch, so we threw the kids in the car and moved to party #2. It was the kids' godfather's birthday, so we dropped in at the pub. A table outside where the sugar-fuelled kids could destruct and destroy. I glanced at the coasters and found the pub had pole dancers and lingerie waitresses on Fridays. On Saturdays the only boobs that came out were feeding babies. Some of the patrons that came in and saw my kids destroying the joint obviously wished it was Friday.

We headed home. The sun was out. We cooked a BBQ and the kids ate on a rug on the grass. D cried, being witching hour and all. We cracked a bottle of Veuve. I danced round the backyard with D strapped to my chest in the Baby Bjorn not daring to stop or else he'd start wailing. I sipped Champagne and looked at Skip and the kids in the evening light, laughing. A little photograph taken in my memory. A good time.

The next day we hit the shops and started our Christmas shopping. Better late than never. I didn't get much, but it felt successful.

When the kids started whinging we then headed to my Mum's for a Christmas lunch as she won't be here on the day. We ate, drank and chatted as the dark clouds rolled in and the rain came down. D slept, the girls played with (and taunted) their cousins. We ate some more. The perfect way to spend a rainy Sunday.

Yep, the party season is in full swing.

Are you in party mode?

So, this is Christmas

2011-12-09T13:26:00.000+11:00

Is it about him?

or him?

And what does it mean to you? How do you explain Christmas to your children?

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. For my kids, Christmas means decorations, trees, songs, presents, Santa, yummy food, holidays and spending time with family. I suspect it means the same for many of us.

I'm not religious person. Hell, my kids think churches are Cinderella castles and don't try and tell them otherwise. I haven't tackled the religious talk with them yet, mainly as, to be honest, I'm not sure what my beliefs are.

We had the girls christened and D will be too. Skip felt strongly about it, for me it was a nice family tradition. Our girls were christened in the church their great-great grandparents were married in, their uncles were christened there too. They wore a gown that my grandmother and my mother wore for their christening. So there's history, being a part of something, tradition.

Recently, we were at a playdate and the other mum said to Lil-lil something along the lines of "that's just the way God made her" in answer to a question. I was a bit taken aback, I must say. Lil-lil had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't say anything, but it made me start thinking about how or if I should instruct some of religious education. I don't want to start telling my children that life and everything that happens is because of God's will or design because I don't believe that. I don't want them to be ignorant about religion though, either.

I'm not anti-religion, but I don't believe in it. I've been brought up in a Christian world that celebrates Christmas and Easter, so if I have to align myself with a religion it would be Christianity. If it came down to it, though, and I had to pick I would probably chose a different religion for values or a way of life. For the moment, religion is not part of my life.

I want my children to be knowledgeable about all religions and I believe religion is so much more than simply belief. It's culture, it's literature, it's music, it's history.

The question is when do you start the religious talk if you're not religious? Or if you don't know what you believe?

Another one of those curly parenting moments.

What do you do?

Notes from my brain

2011-12-07T16:57:00.000+11:00

Things that have been whirling round my brain the past few days:

* I really need to purchase a Christmas album to get in the festive mood

- A request on Twitter provided some pearlers including Phil Spector's Christmas Album (which sounds awesome) and Xmas Now 2011 featuring everyone from The Dandy Warhols to Dean Martin.

* I still can't believe I 'lost' my baby!

- Just before the ballet concert last Sunday, I was sitting with Lil just before she went on stage. Another mum came up and asked "Where's the baby? Didn't I just see you with him?" To which I jumped a mile high and yelled a rather loud expletive. I aged 10 years in five seconds before I remembered I'd given him to Skip. I seriously thought I'd forgotten him somewhere. My friend laughed at me for about 30 minutes.

* Where are my Christmas decorations?

- Lost. Had to go buy more from Coles.

* What am I going to buy Skip for Christmas?

- Brilliant suggestions, anyone?? Skip??

* When does the arsenic hours stop??

- D is still screaming between 4 & 7 every.single.night

* I should really exercise more.

-No explanation needed

* I really need a fun night out.

-No explanation needed

* 2011 might just be Sydney's first ever white Christmas

- The weather is FREEZING and crap in Sydney.

* How long will it take for Mad Men to come back on. I miss it too much.

* I really need to get my tax return done.

* Why am I surprised a telco could be so incompetent?

* I really wish I was going to see Elton John/Eminem/Foo Fighters this week.

* Why is it the more I worry about petrol consumption, the more my car uses?

* How do my kids make so much mess so fast?

*Could I just have terrine, pate and rillettes for Christmas lunch. Washed down with Champagne.

What's on your mind?

Let me entertain you

2011-12-06T07:59:00.000+11:00

Skip and I love to entertain. We love to have people over, cook up some delicious food, chill some drinks. It doesn't have to be fancy, it doesn't have to be perfect, but we like to put some thought into what our particular guests might like.

A friend of mine keeps telling me I'm insane. Three young kids, including a new baby, should preclude me from entertaining. For some reason I find it easier. I love to see friends and catch up with the outside world, so having people over is the easiest way to do this with a new baby.

We don't tend to find entertaining stressful, we actually really enjoy it. Maybe it helps that we don't mind if things aren't perfect. We are the type of people who are likely to be surrounded by moving boxes and say "Hey, let's invite so and so over for dinner. We can just sit on the boxes and throw something on the barbie." I don't run around cleaning every corner and if there's a bit of chaos, well I figure they can go home feeling just a little bit better about their own home.

What we do like to do is try new things to cook or prepare. Some times it works, some times it doesn't. We have a think about the type of thing a friend might like and then try it out. We just like having friends in our home and genuinely enjoy the whole process of entertaining.

On Friday, before hosting mum's birthday party, I had a moment while standing in Coles with a crying baby and a bored 5 year old and thought am I mad? But that moment passed and I enjoyed making the food and planning where to put things and how to set things out.

I love sitting down after a good party or dinner or whatever and reflecting on the afternoon/evening. Sipping on a drink and say: "That was really nice."

Are you an entertainer or does the thought put you in a spin?

Party, concert & plenty o froufrou

2011-12-05T10:19:00.000+11:00

What an action-packed weekend!

On Saturday, I held a party for my Mum's 70th. All her family in Sydney descended on my backyard for a pretty tea party. The sun came out and it was a perfect afternoon. I baked scones, made finger sandwiches and my talented sister-in-law made mini quiches and tarts and an incredible tower of cupcakes.

I did something completely out of character and got crafty. Martha Stewart helped me make floral pompoms which I decorated the garden with. I know. Anyone who knows me well will be picking their jaws up off the ground cause I don't do craft. Ever. I'm game to try anything once and I think they looked pretty and set the party off well.

It was such a lovely afternoon and the best way to celebrate a milestone birthday. It was also nice to do something for my mum who spends her life doing things for everyone else.

Sunday was the day of the big ballet concert. This is Lil-lil's second big ballet concert and, like last year, I bitched and moaned about the time taken with rehersals, the strict instructions on how to do the 'ballet bun' and what tights to wear and the cost of the costume. As you can see I'm not going to be a stage mum any time soon.

Then I saw Lil-lil all dressed up and looking like an angel and when she took the stage I choked up. Swelled with pride. It was truly wonderful. All the bitching and moaning went out the window and every effort was worth it. She made me so proud to be her mum.

After the concert, Lil-lil was so excited to see everyone who'd come to see her moment of glory. She was busting that people she loved came to see her, for her that was the best part I think. Then when she went to greet her audience she got all shy.

So, it was a weekend filled with pink, purple and tulle. I wish all weekends could be.

Overwhelmed

2011-12-02T10:13:00.001+11:00

Christmas two years ago - Daze-style

Is it me being a little sensitive or has Christmas gone on steroids this year?

It's only December 2 and I feel like the decorations and Christmas chat has been going on for ages.

Yesterday, Lil-lil , D and I went to the shops and everywhere we turned it was Christmas. It was suffocating. I'm not a grinch, I love Christmas, but the longer I was there the more anxious I got. "I obviously need to get this and that for Christmas. Oh and what about that? I have nothing ready. What am I going to do?" Was swirling through my head.

In the end I had to leave.

Out in the car the anxiety disappeared. I've already got the kids presents. I never decorate until after Decemeber 8. I normally take a relaxed view of Christmas and really enjoy it. I love the weather, the buzz in the air. I don't care if my decorations aren't perfect, if I get presents at the last minute(half the fun I think), as long as there is some tasty (Christmas-y) food and family that's all that matters. So why was I feeling so overwhelmed by Christmas yesterday?

Me being sensitive or is it marketing overload?

Guessing game

2011-11-30T08:48:00.000+11:00

It's small, cute and sometimes annoying...

Life with three kids is busy. Not as insanely busy as I imagined, but juggling between the two biggies while feeding, changing and settling the baby is time consuming. Not much time for anything else. Thankfully the bub is a laid-back little guy, cause his sisters are high maintenance.

Getting the girls ready in the morning is a constant push. A lot of 'C'mon, c'mons'. Lil-lil has always had this habit of creating every request into a guessing game and now Goosey has picked up on it too. This can be particularly frustrating when you're trying to get out the door.

It goes something like this...

"Mum, I'm hungry."

"What would you like to eat?"

"I'd like something squishy."

"Bread?"

"No, something little and in the cupboard."

"What? Can't you just tell me?"

"It's something in a green packet."

"Sultanas??!!"

"Yes! You got it!"

This goes on for everything. What clothes they want to wear, toys they want to play with, everything.
To say it drives me mad is an understatement. I thought it would wear off after a while, but it's been going on for at least a year.

Gabbing with grown ups

2011-11-28T09:06:00.002+11:00

Our blooming garden.

Being a mum to small children (especially a stay-at-home mum) can send you bonkers. Over my five years of being a mum, I've discovered a few things that are essential to keeping the crazies at bay.

The number one, most important thing you must do is keep up contact with adults. Being with kids all .day.long. and not having at least a few adult interactions will melt your mind. Blogging definitely helps. As does Twitter. But it's essential to have face-to-face grown up gab too.

Last week I recognised that I was losing my mind and needed some big people time. Chatting about the finer points of Scooby Doo was doing my head in.

Fridays have become my day to catch up with friends. We have ballet and I get to see my good friend who has a life identical to mine. We, of course ,caught up with all the things we'd both done (a lot of 'me too's were said). I asked her and her girls over for lunch and then told her I had no food, so she brought a wonderful spread. I'm a great hostess like that.

In the afternoon, my oldest friend and her kids visited. We've known each other since we were 5. We grew up around the corner from each other and now we live on the other side of Sydney around the corner from each other. Our kids go to preschool together. It's always brilliant to catch up and chat with her. There's nothing more comforting than an old friend who knows you well. Who saw you throw up in a bin on your first day of big school. Who also saw you throw up at Schoolies. Who's also seen you throw up with morning sickness. That's a lifelong friend.

On Saturday, we had dinner at a good friends' place. They cooked up a truly delicious dinner. The kids had a ball. Goose stayed up bright-eyed until 11pm, partying on while her brother and sister slept. It's so nice to go out and laugh. Though I think I was a bit of a zombie. That's the problem, I find when I do see other grown ups I either talk their ear off or go into zombie mode.

On Sunday, another good friend came to visit. I haven't had a good chinwag with her for a long while, so it was really nice to catch up. Plus she brought sweet treats. What's better than that?

Blue sky! I'd forgotten what it looked like.

The lashing rain has finally stopped and the sun finally came out. The garden now looks lush and gorgeous. It feels like holidays are approaching. Late Sunday arvo, D and I lay on the grass in our back garden and watched the wind blow through the gum trees. It was bliss. It's so much easier to enjoy and appreciate the kids when I've had time to stretch my adult mind.

I feel sane and ready to tackle another week of kid-wrangling.

Mum mobile

2011-11-25T10:21:00.001+11:00

I'm not really a car person. A car is just something to drive around in. Unless it's something vintage and cool, I don't really notice. Saying that, I've always thought (hoped) I might drive something like this:

Nice, huh? Suits me don't you think? I love me a Merc. Classic cool.

I've never been fond of big cars. Especially big Mum buses. Clunky. Awful. You see mums do that lumber into them. Just not me. Or so I thought.

I then had three children and discovered that car seats, while useful in saving my kids lives, do not fit in pretty much any car if you have three of them. It was time to suck it up and get a Mum bus.

Skip has spent months researching cars. Getting frustrated at me because every time I he asked my opinion I'd just shrug my shoulders and say 'Meh!' If it isn't a 300sl Merc, I'm really not that interested.

My only input was: "Some bloggers at the Kidspot Top 50 launch told me the Territory fits three car seats maybe we get one of those."

So now we have something like this:

I have to admit, despite my loathing of a mum bus, I quite enjoy driving it round. Lots of room for all us. No more getting my hand stuck while putting the seat belt down the side of the booster. It's kinda like driving my lounge room around. Comfy. Easy. Not cool, but well, that's life.

I have to do the mum lumber into the car and sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in the review mirror occasionally and surprise myself. Wow, I guess there's no denying I'm a mum now. What with the mum mobile and all. And the little bits of crap ground into the car - spew, bread, spilt milk. Delish.

I guess I'm going to have settle for the fact I'll be a granny driving round a 300sl. Cause I will, one day.

Have you had to succumb to a 'family' car?

Note: this post was NOT sponsored by Ford or Mercedes. But if they want to, you know, send me cars or whatever, I wouldn't say no. Or even a driver. Or some kind of teflon coating so I could hose the car out of all the kid crap. I'll just leave it up to you, should I? Thanks

Never-ending newborn

2011-11-24T07:02:00.003+11:00

Biggest sister, little brother. Hand in hand.

The other day, a nice old lady came up and looked at Demon D and said: 'Oh what a gorgeous boy! What is he? Five? Six weeks old?'

Then came my standard reply: "He's actually 11 weeks old. He was almost 7 weeks premature so he's small."

It hit me shortly after, I often forget he's premmie. It doesn't really affect the way I treat him or think about him. I did realise though that maybe this is the fatigue that I'm feeling. I'm feeling like I've had a newborn for a really long time. In some ways I have.

He's 12 weeks now and he's only really just starting smile and respond. He's only just getting a bit of head control. He doesn't look 'freaky' as a lot of people say they think he might. He's 4.5kg so not tiny small, but definitely small for a 12-week-old baby. He looks like a large 5-week-old baby, which is what he essentially is.

Yesterday, I saw a baby that was a full-term 11-week-old and I felt a pang of sadness. Stupid really as I have nothing to be sad about. D is healthy now, doing well. I don't expect more out of him than I should, but seeing that baby made me realise how he's not a "normal" 12-week-old baby. This 11-week-old was so much more advanced than he was. I realised that this newborn phase is going to go on for a while longer. That the arsenic hour phase probably will go on for another 6 or so weeks. I've got a 'bonus' 7 weeks of newborn-ness.

I adore him and I'm enjoying him, but I feel like I'm running a marathon. Deep breath, dig deep, keep on going.

Food, fuel, fervor

2011-11-23T11:59:00.000+11:00

I've reached a point where I want to eat better, be fitter, feel fab and look good. It's 12 weeks since I had D, I've managed to lose all the weight I put on while pregnant with him (bar 1kg) though I wanted to trim down before I had him so there's still some flab to go. There's also the fact that while I want to lose a further 5-10kg, my body has had three children so is not the same shape it once was (and will never be). My blood pressure has gone back to normal, thank goodness. I'm now at the cross roads of how to embark on this. Make it something long-lasting, not just a quick fix.

To be honest it's all a bit confusing. I'm a strong believer in moderation. I don't believe in cutting something totally out of my diet, for me it doesn't work. There's a lot around on the internet and the media about cutting out sugar, carbs. Eating this and that. Smoothies, protein. All sorts of diets. I'm a sceptic about all of this, but I'm open to learn. I'm generally eat good, unprocessed foods. Exercise. A bit of what you fancy now and again.

My goals:

* To be healthy. To make sure my blood pressure stays down. Having extremely high blood pressure is pretty bloody scary. I want to hang around for a long time to come.

* To feel good. Having three kids, I want to have lots of energy. I want to be able to keep up with them. I want to inspire them.

* To look better.

Next step? How to achieve this...

Small step into big school

2011-11-23T09:06:00.000+11:00

Yesterday, Lil's preschool went on an excursion to big school. There's a primary school at the back of the preschool, while most of the kids aren't going to that school they went to get a little taste of what big school is all about.

Seventeen little kids lined up at the back gate and stepped wide-eyed into the playground, like they were climbing into Narnia. Lil's big school orientation happened the day D was born, as we were a little pre-occupied and she missed out. This was her first taste of the new world she's about to enter.

We walked through the playground, the library, the hall. Sat in a classroom and watched some Kinder kids, who looked huge and, oh so, grown up. The first thing I noticed was no blackboard. It's strange to think that something so ubiquitous in my schooling experience is something that will be relegated to a museum. "In the olden days you had blackboards? Wow, just like in the movies!" I can hear them saying.

We had lunch in the playground and then stepped back through the gate to the small world of preschool.

Lil-lil is SO excited now. It's starting to feel real to her and she's ready to go.

Me? Well, I just can't believe that my tiny little bundle is off to school. I swear it was just a minute ago we brought her home from the hospital wondering what the hell we were going to do with her. Just a minute ago that she rocked our world more than we ever imagined she would. A second ago that we sent her off to preschool. It's just crazy fast.

Thankfully I have all of December and January to prepare myself, I think I'm going to need it.

Eating truffles and watching soaps

2011-11-22T09:01:00.001+11:00

So, what do you do all day? With all your free time?

This morning, I managed to pack the preschool lunch, eat breakfast, drop the husband at work, clean the bathroom, make beds, instruct the big kids to dress themselves, re-dress them when they came out in inappropriate clothes, put a load of washing on and wash the dishes all before 8am. Some days I'd be lucky to do all of this before 5pm. Today is a very good day.

For the rest of the day? I shall drop eldest at preschool, do the grocery shopping, hang out the washing, supervise at a preschool excursion, take kids to swimming lessons, be late as I'll be mesmerised by a baby smile for a moment, tidy up, cook the dinner, bath the kids and then collapse. Of course through out this I'll need to feed the baby which takes about an hour each time, change nappies, wipe bums, oh and feed Goose too. Maybe I'll get to eat too. Despite this the house will look like a bomb hit it.

Whilst I'm driving to and fro, I'll be answering questions from the back seat , reaching back to put a dummy in and dreaming about being able to drop it all and escape, just for an hour or two. Perhaps catch up with friends and laugh over a couple of drinks. Dream about curling up in bed and reading a book. Catching a movie. Having an adult conversation without being interrupted every 30 seconds with: "MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!"

The other day, someone asked what I did and I told them I ate truffles and watched daytime soaps. They just nodded and said 'Ahhh.'

The witching hour(s)

2011-11-21T16:25:00.000+11:00

Demon D is going through a delightful stage at the moment. He has a routine where he's quite happy and sleepy through the day until about 4pm. Anyone who sees him at this time comments on what a 'dream' baby he is, so happy, so good. Then at the stroke of four he enters the witching hour, or should I say hours.

From 4pm until about 7.30pm he screams and cries and whinges. Anyone who sees him at this time thinks he's a complete nightmare. Nothing consoles him, nothing makes him happy. 'Is he hungry?' they ask. 'Tired, perhaps?' I shrug my shoulders. Silently wondering how much he'd fetch on eBay.

It makes dinner, bath and bedtime for the girls all the more challenging. He just cries for the hell of it. For some reason unknown to us.

On Saturday, it was just him and me during this time and it felt so much worse as there was no distraction. Just me and the crying baby who could not be settled. The crying seems so much louder.

The strange this is, I'm not too bothered cause I know this will end. My girls did it (well Lil-lil did it all day/night long). One day the fussiness will get shorter and it will become a mere memory.

Did/do you experience the witching hours with your babies?

Sick of the sound of my voice

2011-11-19T18:38:00.001+11:00

I haven't written for a while, well because quite honestly, I'm sick of the sound of my own voice.

Truly, I just hear this screechy whiny whinging. I read back over what I've written lately and it just seems annoying.

Life is hectic at the moment. Life is busy. Life is tiring. Life is trying. But it's also wonderful, funny and joyful. Some times it's helpful to write. I feel like I'm getting something out of it and possibly giving something to someone else. But at the moment, it feels negative.

I've spent the past couple of days just relishing in the kids and their meltdowns and their crying and their moments. And soon, I'll have something to write and share. For now I'm just going to live life in all its glory for a while.

Just a moment

2011-11-17T13:17:00.000+11:00

Sleep. It's a wonderful thing. I never knew I could survive on such a little amount. Seriously, the idiot who wrote: "Sleep like a baby" must have been the biggest moron to walk the earth.

It's amazing though that a little extra sleep has made me a little less loco. Last night I got more than I had in days. Snatches of 40 min sleep really is the stuff of nightmares. Anyway, the point is, I'm feeling better. Goosey's better too. We survived our little rough patch, bring on the next!

A while ago, Skip and I went to Tassie and had just the best time. When I'm in the middle of a whirlwind of crying baby, kids tugging on my sleeve wanting something and general chaos I go back there. To those moments of peace:

Then I can deal with and appreciate the chaos. And when I'm faced with this:

Or this:

I know it's just a moment, it will pass. There will be another moment.

Closing a chapter, surviving and a pity party for 1

2011-11-16T14:50:00.001+11:00

This week is all about survival. In a few different ways.

Yesterday, I strutted off to the hospital yet again (well, it was more dragging my arse but we'll pretend I was strutting). I got the good park out the front, a nurse offered to watch the kids while I wee'd in a cup (instead of juggling them in the bathroom while carrying my file which is the size of a volume of the encyclopedia Britannica like I normally do) and I got called in to see the doctor just moments after sitting in the waiting room. After 11 weeks of hospital visits and taking tons of medication, it was finally decided that I was OK enough to stop meds and stop visiting the hospital. This whole preeclampsia thing can be put behind me! Hoorah.

I was super happy as the meds were starting to have some odd and annoying side effects - swollen ankles, hot, burning knees. Also, visiting the hospital was a drag, especially when everyone else there is pregnant and there I was with an almost 3 month old! It was a bit of a surprise as things were taking so long to calm down I was worried that they wouldn't, the doctor speculated that I could be on medication long-term too, so to be rid of it is fab. Though, it's only a trial at the moment, so my BP better behave itself. In any case, I'm declaring that I've survived preeclampsia and I'm closing that whole chapter!

------------------------------

Goose is still sick. Nights have been fairly hellish as she's been moaning and crying through the night, feeling rotten. Sleep is being got in small snatches. I'm just surviving at the moment. Between looking after her and a newborn all night, I'm tired. At the moment, I'm just managing the basics like keeping us fed and clothed and clean (sort of), there is nothing else being achieved. Skip is being a good help and doing what he can, which I'm very thankful for.

There was a time though where nights like these were standard. The girls being awful sleepers meant that waking all night was my reality. It sucked. I must have been an awful person during those times. Just a shell of a person, really.

D is a fairly good sleeper at night, waking twice to feed and going straight back to sleep. Even so, I'm still at that newborn stage where you just survive. Tied to feeds, less available, baby-focused. Feeling isolated. Feeling like the world is moving on without you. Lucky he's a gorgeous boy! I don't resent it, he's only a baby for a short time.

The part I hate is just surviving. It frustrates the hell out of me. I want to be more. I want to be a better mother to the girls - more engaged, more available, less snappy. I want to be a better wife - more available, less tired, more present. I want to be a better friend. I want to be better to myself. I have all these things in my head that I want to do that never get done.

-----------------------------------
At the moment, I keep doing stupid things. Including:

A few weeks ago, I crashed our car. So stupid and expensive and time consuming - it puts pressure on our family, at a time of year with Christmas and holidays approaching, that you just don't need it. I'm so, so annoyed and angry at myself for that.

Losing shoes. I've had three pairs of shoes mysteriously disappear in the last couple of months. I'm no Imelda Marcos either. I really, really wish I could find them.

Being surrounding by chaos. No matter how hard I try, I'm losing the war with chaos. Each day, there is crap all around me. I tidy, I organise. Then the next day it's back.

Losing patience. I'm usually a very patient person and at the moment, it's gone. My patience is nowhere to be found.

--------------------

Got all that out now, so it's time to get back to the crying baby and moaning kids, all while dreaming about a long cool drink somewhere nice.

Monday-itis

2011-11-14T10:27:00.000+11:00

Monday morning arrived and I didn't feel good. Sleep last night was a distant idea. Poor Goosey was ill. Feverish, shivering and burning to the touch. Demon D was pretty good, but between him waking twice to be fed and Goosey unwell, it was a rough night.

We dropped Lil off at preschool and despite the sun blazing down Goose insisted on wearing her winter coat as she was 'coooooooooold'.

Today will be spent curled up on the couch under the fan. Snoozing and resting. (Praying that the rest of the family don't come down with it.... yeah right.)

Young kids apparently get 10 infections a year on average. We've been pretty lucky this year and have had nowhere near that many illnesses, so I can't complain too much.

How are you spending your Monday?

ErgoPouch giveaway winner

2011-11-14T08:59:00.002+11:00

Hope you all had an ace weekend:

The winner of the ErgoPouch wrap is AmberB. Please get in touch with me by Friday with your details.

Congrats!

Wedded bliss

2011-11-12T13:16:00.001+11:00

Oh what a night! The wedding was fabulous! A stunning bride. A smiling groom. A room full of love. I could write lots, it was such a good night. Instead, I'll sum it up

Highlights:

* Seeing my beautiful girls walk down the aisle towards their handsome dad.
* Hearing that during the ceremony Goosey told a bridesmaid she was hungry and could she have some chips.
* A simple yet lovely ceremony
* A gorgeous venue
* Laughing and telling stories with old friends
* Getting to know new friends better
* Seeing a new generation, babies being carried and then asleep in lined up prams.
* Dancing like a fool and being transported back 16 years
* Laughter, joy and sentimental tears

It was really terrific night. I went home feeling tired, but happy. Lucky to have a great bunch of people to call friends. Sad that we don't all get together that much anymore. Thrilled that the tangled web of lovely people hold so many treasured memories. Blessed to have a beautiful family.

Wedding belles

2011-11-11T10:07:00.000+11:00

It's a busy day in the Daze house today. We've got a wedding on. Skip's a groomsman and the girls are flowergirls and my god they are going to look cute. We had a casual dinner and drinks with the couple, their families and bridal party last night and the girls were in their element, soaking up the attention. Little D cried, as always!

Today it will be a blur of getting ready and sorting out bub.

I love a wedding. It's even more special when the couple are important people in your life. I have known the groom and his family since I was five, he's also one of Skip's best mates. He's marrying a gorgeous girl, who I can honestly say is one of the nicest, loveliest people you'll ever meet. My girls think she's 'beautiful' which she is.

Andrew & Kym, I hope today is truly wonderful. I hope that you have the most magical life together.

Stayed tuned for some pix.....

Sticky summer

2011-11-10T08:44:00.000+11:00

It's arrived! Finally. I'm a summer girl. I love balmy evenings and warm summer days. I love the smell in the air that summer brings. I love that it means Christmas and holidays are just around the corner.

This year, summer has taken its sweet time in arriving, but I think I can confidently say we're almost there.

Yesterday (and last night) was a stinker! After I picked up Lil-lil from preschool there was nothing for it, we had to celebrate the warm weather by buying ice blocks and sitting in the backyard making a sweet, sticky mess.

Yep, it's my favourite time of year. When is yours?

Sleep tight - plus a giveaway

2011-11-09T08:52:00.000+11:00

A few months ago, when I was pregnant, I received an email about a baby product that had won a bunch of awards called an Ergo Pouch. Now, I'm not one for 'miracle' baby products, when I was pregnant with Lil-lil, I went out and bought all the obligatory baby stuff, set up a room for her and all the other things I thought necessary. When she arrived she wouldn't sit in the pram, didn't sleep in her room (or bassinett or cot for the first three months). I discovered that babies don't actually need all that we think they do (or told they do), really they only need some clothes, some nappies, somewhere to sleep (for Lil that place was my chest) and something to eat. Most of the stuff I bought sat and collected dust and made the baby store rich.

The only other thing I think is a neccesity is wraps. My bubs wouldn't sleep unless wrapped tightly. After the girls I became an experts at wrapping them so they couldn't escape, the only problem was that Skip and other people who were around weren't great at the wrapping thing. When I read about the Ergo Pouch I was keen to give it a try with baby D.

The Ergo Pouch cocoon is a little pouch that zips up and keeps bub snug and secure. No need for tricky origami type wrapping. Plus it's soft, cozy and comes in different thicknesses for warmth. The double zip means that you can change nappies or put them in a car seat without having to wake or completely undo them. I was sold!

I emailed and asked if I'd be able to try one out.

It arrived and D arrived tiny, too small for the newborn size. I put it away until he got bigger. I then tried it a few weeks later and well, it didn't live up to my expectations. I was thinking I'd have to skip reviewing it (as I'm not going to put any product on here that I don't like), I then tried it again and I think D was finally at the right weight for it. It was easy to put on him, he didn't escape and it kept him cozy. He can also move his hands to get comfy, but controls the startle reflex and still keeps him snug. While he's not settled at the moment, he does seem to love his little pouch once I do get him to sleep.

D modelling the Ergo Pouch cocoon (although it has slipped around a little).

ErgoPouch is the brainchild of a clever Aussie mum! She's created a range of swaddles, wraps, sleeping bags and PJs too. Check them out here.

ErgoPouch have been kind enough to give one of my readers one of their gorgeous Buba Gum Bamboo Wraps, which is a super stretchy, comfy and colourful wrap. It would be perfect for a new baby gift.

To win, simply tell me about your favourite baby product or which product you've pinned your hopes on. Open to Aussie residents only. Giveaway closes 8pm, Saturday, November 12. Winner will be announced on Sunday.

Here we go again...

2011-11-08T08:44:00.000+11:00

I said on Friday that I wasn't going to write about unsettled babies, truth is if I don't then I won't have anything to write about.

My easygoing baby has vanished. The baby who happily self-settled, the baby who was content has been replaced with a squirmy, squally, unhappy bubba.

I can't tell you how much the distresses me. I've been here before. Loooooong days of crying. Looong days of rocking, patting. Looooong days of thinking; "what the hell have I done?"

I was hoping I may have dodged a bullet this time. I thought perhaps I'd gotten a settled, easy baby. I deserved one after all. All babies have their moments, I know, but this moment has lasted 10 days and is fast becoming more than 'a moment'.

You know I even felt a little guilty that I had such an easy baby for the first 8 or so weeks. Ridiculous.

Last night as he screamed and screamed and screamed, I thought: "What is it I do to my babies to make them like this?"

I know he has reflux. I've heard the gulping, spluttering, the rattly breathing and then the high pitched scream that follows. Being premmie and having a family history, he didn't stand a chance, poor mite.

It's stressful, exhausting and plain horrible. I did months of it with my firstborn.

I know it will get better, it's just surviving at the moment, getting past this time. It feels like an eternity when you're in the middle of it, but it will pass. I hate that, yet again, I don't get to enjoy this. It's a shame there are so many nice things going on at the moment that are being dampened by the crying.

The unsettled baby

2011-11-04T08:54:00.000+11:00

The only thing more boring than talking about sleep (or lack of it) is unsettled babies.

D has been unsettled all week. But, you know, that's boring. So I'm not going to write about it.

Instead, my head has been imagining it's here:

And here:

Happy Friday!

Time sucker

2011-11-03T08:53:00.002+11:00

Babies - the ultimate time suckers. I'd forgotten. Hours spent feeding, changing, settling - rinse and repeat. Then there's the time spent just staring at them. Babies are completely hypnotic.

I also have two larger, bigger time suckers. Ones that want me to watch them dance, draw, sing. Ones that demand tickling, toast and water. Ones that take complete advantage of the fact that often I'm glued to the couch feeding.

Yesterday's effort.

These three beings suck every minute out of the day. The basics get done (barely) and then the extra bits (like sheets that have been drawn on or play dough spread in tiny pieces across the back yard).

I know I'm not super woman. I'm not trying for perfection here. I'm not even trying to juggle work and home or be chairman of the board. It would just be nice to brush my hair occasionally, put more than five minutes into my appearance. Have a home that doesn't have crusty bits in the corner or piles of clean washing needing to be put away. But these things all get put to the bottom of the priorties. At least we're clean and fed. There are things I can do one-handed while feeding - blogging, story reading, drawing, nose wiping.

Don't get me wrong, it's chaotic and it's fun, I don't hate it at all, it's just that I'm going to have to lower my expectations for a little while. At least until I'm not spending 8 hours a day feeding the baby.

Friends, bloggers, countrymen

2011-11-02T09:03:00.000+11:00

Back in the olden days, when we lived in communities, villages, towns, whatever. Mothers would talk to each other over the back fence, in the street, the town square, wherever and share their tales. In knitting groups, reading groups, church groups. They'd get advice, comfort, joy, shed tears.

These days life is different. Women go out to work. We live more insular lives. Still mothers and women like to share. Need to share. That's why I think blogging is so popular amongst mothers. Blogging creates those connections and provides a place for us to tell our stories. Except we may be making connections a world away, instead of over the back fence.

I've been lucky enough to share my stories and have people read and react. I've been lucky enough to make friends. Good solid friendships. People who check up on me if they're concerned. People who laugh and cry with me. People who I've spent time with in person. People like Beth from BabyMac, Pink Patent Mary Janes. People who I'm yet to meet but who I chat to each day and send me care packages, like Eleanor from Shopping the Closet (who was kind enough to write about me today).

Then there's the people who read and comment. Every. single. day. Thank you for making my world that little bit bigger and brighter. I really, truly appreciate it.

I have a great circle of friends and family who I share my life with, but blogging provides another dimension. It makes the stay-at-home job easier. I kind of think of it like having friends in the workplace. People to chat with over the water cooler.

A pumpkin, a cup and being un-Australian

2011-11-01T08:51:00.000+11:00

Yesterday was Halloween. I have to admit I was surprised at the anti-Halloween sentiment on the webs. A lot of chat about being Americanised, etc. Having spent time overseas in my younger years and trick-or-treating, I quite like Halloween. I personally think the American influence is far, far stronger in other parts of our daily culture that no-one bats an eyelid at, but whatever, Halloween seems to hit a nerve with some.

Each year on Halloween, our neighbours hold a big picnic in the park across from our home. Kids and parents dress up, share food and generally run amok. Then the kids split up in groups and call on the houses with decorations. Everyone is out on the street laughing and chatting. Most households were standing at their front gates with bowls of lollies. We just went to the homes around our house. The girls scared our neighbours and they oohed and aahed at their costumes. Everyone happy.

Spooky witches

Today is Melbourne Cup day, the day that everyone becomes a punter. The day where Skip's phone starts beeping early as everyone wants tips. What am I doing today? Well, when the race is on we're supposed to be at swimming lessons, but I think we may chuck a sickie. It's the Cup after all.

I read in the Sunday paper, that some employers were telling staff they could only take 3 minutes and 20 seconds away from their desks for the race, anymore then they'd have to take annual leave. What?! To me, thats un-Australian (god, I hate that term). For 151 years, the race has been part of our culture. My mum said they used to have sweeps at school and listen to the race (she went to a Catholic school). If you had to work Cup day it meant a long lunch and a glass of champagne with workmates, sweeps and fun. It was the one day of the years where you could let your hair down a bit. I think it's good for morale.

I think employers should factor it in, a boost for their staff and bit of fun, even if it's just for half an hour. I think its mean-spirited to crack the whip and force them back to their desks.

What do you think? How did you spend Halloween? What are you doing for the Cup?

Is Halloween un-Australian? Is not watching the Cup un-Australian? Is hating the term un-Australian, un-Australian?

Driven to a song

2011-10-31T14:31:00.001+11:00

I love singing when I'm driving. Like seriously one of my most favourite things to do. Nothing better than cruising down the City-West Link onto the Anzac bridge crooning a fab tune. On a rare quiet moment the other day in the car, Goosey said to me: "Why aren't you singing, Mum?"

The other day when I went to pick up Goose from preschool we were a little late as I had to finish singing the song on the radio before we went in (House of Fun, Madness), Lil-lil happily joined in.

As I was belting our the final bars, I started thinking, "What is the best song to sing while driving?"
I don't think it's a song that's necessarily a favourite. It's not something you'd put on at a dinner party. It's something that just feels great to belt out.

To find out what is the best song, I decided to ask some bloggers, some friends and some family to find out. Interestingly, the 80s came up trumps, though that may just be the demographic I asked.

Julie from Mama of Two Boys said: "I LOVE singing in the car and there are oodles of songs I enjoy shouting out. Probably my faves would be anything by The Killers... maybe Mr Brightside or Powderfinger... maybe Footprints or This Life."

Pink Patent Mary Janes revealed: "Don't You Want Me, Human League or Barry Manilow's Copacabana (Yes, I am that daggy!"

Eden from Edenland said: "At the moment it's GunsNRoses' Get In The Ring. Downloaded it last week and can sing EVERY word." (Eden, I think Skip will want to divorce to and marry you after reading this)

Cherie from A Baby Called Max said: "Hands down, To Her Door by Paul Kelly. For some reason, it's one I feel an intemse need to sing at the top of my lungs."

Eleanor from Shopping the Closet said: "It's got to be Don't Stop Believing by Journey. A classic meant only for belting out in the shower or car.Or if you are drunk at a wedding."

Beth from BabyMac chose another classic: "Sister Christian by Night Ranger."

Maxabella Loves... revealed: "In the privacy of the car where no one but the kids can hear me scream? Oh, that would have to be Tammy Wynette: Stand By Your Man!"

My good mate Michele from Tiny Trappings (who only recently got her licence at 34 years old) said: "It has to be The Police! I am a sucker for a little '80s rock... doo doo doo da da da da, Message in a Bottle, Walking on the Moon... Ahhh they are all classic car songs!"

Skip, husband extraordinaire, said: "Either Gomez or Coldplay. Probably Gomez' Get Myself Arrested."

Daniel, a friend who likes singing loudly anywhere, occassionally sings with his own band and appeared on this blog driving minis, said: "The Shock of the Lightning, Oasis."

Goosey said: "Just a spoon full of sugar!"

Lil-lil said: "Wonderfully Pretty!" (Love Cats by The Cure)

Now, my thoughts.... Well it has to be something you can really belt, one that makes you feel like an awesome singer. My first thought was something Motown, but that's just cliched. My second thought was Footloose cause when isn't Kenny Loggins awesome to sing in the car?

But then I realised, it was this song. Perfect. Especially if you can get some back up singers in the back seat...

What's your favourite song to sing while driving??

My new focus on blogging

2011-10-28T09:20:00.000+11:00

I love this blog, but most of the time I feel like I'm just writing crap on the internet (and let's face it, I am). I'm surprised when I discover people actually read it.

You can imagine my surprise when recently Ford gave me a brand-new Focus to drive for a week. That's right, they dropped off a brand-new car at my front door, gave me the keys and said 'Here you are, enjoy!'. All just for writing my thoughts on the webs. I thought that was quite brave of them. I thought they might have changed their mind when they saw a floor to ceiling tower of toilet paper in my hallway, but I assured them I wasn't a crazy toilet-paper hoarding lady, I'd just won a year's supply from the lovely Bianca (see the interwebs just keeps on giving).

The car was a bright and shiny, I'm no Jeremy Clarkson so I won't tell you about horse power or whatever, but it was a lovely shade of blue.

The kids kept asking why we had this new car, I told them I wasn't quite sure, but as we opened the door we all became high on the new car smell.

The downside of the Focus (or possibly upside) is that it wouldn't fit our three car seats across the back. This means we won't be going out and purchasing one any time soon. What it did mean was that both Skip and I were eager to go out and run errands we would normally fob off to the other. "Oh I'll run out pick up that BBQ chook." "I'm happy to go to Bunnings and get those screws." "Let me go and fetch the coffees."

Driving it was a pleasure - great stereo, comfy ride, it will even park itself. Though living in the inner west of Sydney I pride myself on my ability to reverse park in the tightest of spots, so I don't know that I'd use this feature, though it is cool

One thing I found was if I put my foot down not much would happen for a second then BAM! You're off! Speedy Gonzales.

Biggest con of the Focus? The vision, I found even with my mirrors the vision wasn't great and I never felt 100% confident.

Biggest plus of the Focus? Fuel economy. We drove and drove and the gauge barely went down, which was a delight after our gas-guzzling car. Something that I really love in a car, cause I hate filling up the car.

Biggest surprise of the Focus? The attention it got. Not being a car person, I barely notice cars, but the Focus raised a lot of comments. A friend who came for a BBQ said 'Did you see that new Focus out on the street?'. A neighbour came over impressed and quoted all the features to us. No-one ever comments on our current car.

Did I just write a car review? Maybe I can become Jeremy Clarkson after all. If nothing else Skip was impressed and now thinks this blogging caper is all right after all.

Small joy

2011-10-27T17:06:00.002+11:00

My boy in the NICU

If you're a reader of The Daze of My Life, you'll know that my little boy was born 6.5 weeks premature just two months ago. His early arrival opened my eyes to the world of the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) and the stress and worry a premature baby can bring.

November is Prematurity Awareness Month. Did you know that a premature baby is born every 12 minutes in Australia? Prematurity is the leading cause of death in newborns? Some premature babies can spend months in NICU and special care nurseries, this can be a completely overwhelming and stressful time for parents.

There are support groups and parent groups that are trying to help parents as well as give back to the NICUs that helped them.

Life's Little Treasures is a national charity that provides support and information to parents of premmies.
On Novmber 4, they will hold the "Walk for Prems" fun run/walk to raise much-needed funds. Walks are being held in Melbourne, Shepparton, Sydney, Perth, Hobart & Adelaide. Click here for details on how to join in.

A group close to my heart is Little Wonder which is a fundraising and support committee for RPA's Newborn Care Unit. The group's president Jody Beddoes says: “The birth of a premature baby is an overwhelming and traumatic experience. In those first few days, virtually every agonising minute of every hour is spent watching your baby struggle for life.”

Jody decided to start Little Wonder to give back to the incredible carers and services of the Newborn Care Unit that supported her. I can vouch that the staff and the work they do is simply amazing and it's something really worthwhile to get behind. The unit relies on support from the community to ensure they continue the work that they do,

Little Wonder also support and offer friendship to parents whose babies are being cared for. Father's Day fell during our time in the unit, we were delighted to find a gift and card next to D's crib on that Sunday - it was a lovely book and card to Skip with D's footprint stamped on it. Little Wonder provided both. It was a bright moment in otherwise difficult time and it really can make a difference.

If you'd like to support Little Wonder they have a seminar by Leanne Cooper for expectant and new parents on what to feed your baby. It's on Monday October 31 from 10am - 12pm at Petersham Town Hall. Tickets are $20 at the door or $18 online at www.greentix.com.au

Another way to help is purchase Christmas cards, which is what my family and friends will be receiving this year. Packs of 10 are just $6.50, email rpalittlewonder@hotmail.com to place an order. Or visit their Facebook page (click on shop at the side of their page).
Thanks!

Stand corrected

2011-10-26T13:26:00.001+11:00

About 10 days before D was born, I wrote a post about being vigilant when undertaking medical care, standing up and speaking out when your instincts tell you to. I still agree with a lot that I said, though what I didn't know at the time was how incredible that medical system can be too.

When I had my girls, I went through the private system. Whilst I had no complaints, I never really felt that I received exceptional care, especially for the money I was paying. When I fell pregnant with D, I decided to go public - my pregnancies and births had always been straight forward and easy so I decided to go public. Who knew that this pregnancy was going to be vastly different?!

I have to say the care I received was phenomenal. I saw top specialists and the care and compassion I received from every midwife, nurse, resident, registrar was top notch. I'm still an outpatient and each week this care continues, I always feel that my concerns are important. The treatment D received in the neonatal unit was amazing. He received the best of everything available. I haven't had to open my wallet once.

We are so blessed in this country to have free health care of such a high standard available to everyone. It is something to treasure and protect.

Preschool, pimples and other torture

2011-10-25T09:52:00.000+11:00

Doing the preschool drop-off for Lil-lil should be an Olympic sport. It takes skill and endurance. It's often gruelling, only difference is you don't get a shiny medal at the end.

Preschool at 9am, there's parents, teachers, kids and siblings. Bags, water bottles and lunchboxes flying around. Some kids are crying, others are throwing things. It's chaos at its finest.

There are two kids at Lil-lil's preschool who have assigned themselves to making my job tougher (don't they realise I already have 3 who do a stunning at job?). They see me, glue themselves to my side and trip me up with their chubby feet and curly questions as I try to wave goodbye to Lil.

"Corinne, how old is the baby?" The same kid has been asking me this everyday since I was six months pregnant.

"How did the baby get out? Did it hurt?"

"Why does the baby eat your boobs? Can he eat an apple?"

"Does Lil have head lice?"

"What is that big red thing on your forehead? It looks sore."

"Your tummy is really big, do you have another baby in there? Are you sure? I think you might."

Then while dodging questions about my adult acne and oversized girth (which, believe me, is always a pleasure), I'm trying to stop snotty-nosed kids from smothering D with their crusty fingers. All while gathering up Goosey before she tips a puzzle all over over the floor (that I'll struggle to put back together) and say goodbye to Lil.

It must be something about five year olds, as dropping Goosey off is a pleasure in comparison. One thing for sure, I'm not cut out to be a preschool teacher!

Have you had other people's kids ask you 'interesting' questions?

48-hour party people

2011-10-24T08:46:00.000+11:00

Well what a weekend that was!

WE started on Friday, with Lil-lil's birthday. After ballet class, some lovely friends packed a picnic and set up in our backyard for the first celebration. With the sun shining, we ate and chatted and sang happy birthday before I had to dash to Coles and prepare for the evening festivities.

Lil-lil's family and godparents came and had a sausage sizzle (seriously, is there anything better than a snag sanga??). Both girls were spoilt rotten with presents and cake. The weather was finally warm and sunny and I think it was just one of many BBQs to happen in our yard this season.

Once the girls were in bed, it was time for a glass of wine and to pack the party bags. Some chat and laughs with my sister-in-law, Lil's godfather and Skip made the job easier.

Saturday arrived and it was time for birthday celebration phase 2. I got started on the cake while Skip and the girls set up. It was time for me to shine in my role as dodgy kids' cake maker. A unicorn was requested and Lil declared that the end result looked like a camel. You be the judge....

Dodgy cake, made with love.

Twelve preschool mates descended on our house. There was colouring, trampoline jumping, dancing, pin-the-horn on the unicorn, same cake eating and then it was all over for another year. Phew!

A quick change of clothes, girls off to Grandma's and Skip, D and I headed to a friend's 40th. It was held in their home, the most beautiful family home I've ever been in. There was some serious house envy going on. Home again, by the time I fed D it was past 1am and I collapsed into bed.

Sunday morning with just the baby, Skip and I pretended we only had one child and pushed the pram up the street for a quiet cafe brekky. We stopped and chatted to friends and neighbours we bumped into along the way. Soaked up the sun. Enjoyed the peace.

Before long, the peace was broken and the girls arrived home hyped up from a weekend of fun.

Now it's Monday morning, once again. Another week to tackle.

How was your weekend?

So wonderfully pretty

2011-10-21T08:59:00.000+11:00

"So wonderfully, wonderfully, wonderfully, wonderfully pretty.

You know that I'd do anything for you."

Today, my big girl turns five. Five! Five! It feels like minutes ago she was a baby, but like she's been here forever.

What a girl she's grown into it. Kind, funny, clever. Long and lean.

This is the year she started preschool and learnt so much. Lil-lil is always eager to learn about and discover the world. She loves to sing and dance. She's curious about everything. She knows so much already and is much cleverer than I was at her age.

She's met friends and become so social. She adores her family and loves nothing more than a family get-together. Having friends and family over for a party is her idea of bliss. She's well-loved and well-liked.

She's become a big sister again and thinks her baby brother is simply the best.

She's always worried about her little sister, but loves her to bits.

She worries too much for someone her age, but is always so thoughtful about those around her. She's a thinker. She can be loud and then so quiet.

She loves tuna, sushi, dumplings. She loves The Cure, Scooby-Doo and anything a little bit 'spooky'.

She wants to visit Egypt, Russia and Paris. She wants to see snow 'at the bottom of Australia'.

She wants to be a vet when she grows up.

She has her dad wrapped around her little finger.

She's my first-born baby.

She's light, love and pure joy.

Happy birthday, Lil-lil! We're so blessed to have you in our lives.

Life wasn't meant to be easy - my 600th post!

2011-10-20T09:09:00.000+11:00

I came in here to write a post about how life is a constant road of ups and downs, then as I clicked in I noticed that this was my 600th post. Wowsers, that's a lot of crap I've written on the internet.

For me, life often feels like a lot of stops and starts. You'll be cruising along, enjoying the ride, happy that you've got a good run, then BANG. Something jumps out at you forcing you to hit the brakes or the the traffic builds or often both and the ride suddenly feels annoying, tough and frustrating. You think, why didn't I take that turn-off? Why didn't I go another way?

The smooth ride and the wonderful momentum is gone and you're left cursing whatever is in your way. Cursing yourself for thinking this good run was going to last longer.

That's me this week. I've done some silly things and life's thrown in some obstacles. Nothing terrible, just things that make life annoying and you've got to navigate your way through them again. It feels like two steps forward, one step back.

A friend and I were chatting recently that it often feels like you're the only one struggling and that everyone else seems to be doing it easy. In fact, everyone has their own stuff to wade through, even when they say otherwise.

Life is never easy. It would be boring if it was. You wouldn't get to enjoy those good runs when they do happen.

Blogging has been an outlet for all this 'stuff' – 600 posts worth in fact! Here's to 600 more.

Everybody's talkin' at me

2011-10-19T09:05:00.001+11:00

I had planned to write a bit of political piece today. Being at home with kids all day, sometimes I want to stretch my brain a little past the antics of Scooby-Doo. But I couldn't do it this morning, I was interrupted with too much chat.

My girls can talk. A lot. Non-stop, in fact. One of the things I like about D is that he doesn't talk, even if he could he wouldn't get a word in. Everywhere we go, they stop and talk to everyone. Long involved conversations. Some of the conversations are cute, some funny, some just plain odd. It often feels like I'm living in a Monty Python sketch. Here are some samples from the past couple of days:

Goosey was watching me take some tablets and asked: "What are you doing, Mum?"

"Taking all my tablets, Goose"

"Why did you take all the tablets? There won't be any left for any of the other mums. But that's OK, the doctor can make some more, can't he? It was just an accident, wasn't it?"

"Ummmm OK. Yeah."

---------

Lil-lil: "Mum, can I stay with you forever?"

Me: "Sure, if you want to."

Lil-lil: "I do. I'll stay with you until I'm 10. Then when I'm 11 I'll move out."

---------

Lil-lil: "I don't like pocket money, I liked it better when Dad and you just bought me whatever I wanted."

---------

Me: "What did you do at preschool today?"

Lil-lil: "I don't want to talk about it." (That last about 15 seconds before I get a detailed response)

--------

Goose: "Mum, I think I have too many pairs of undies on."

Me: "Why? I only gave you one pair to put on."

I then check and discover that earlier in the day she put on five pairs of undies. As you do.

-------

Lil-lil: "Mum, when my kids grow up you'll be dead."

--------

Goose: "Mum, I'm in love with Oliver. We're going get to married."

----------

Lil: "I've changed D's middle name, it's now Cuddles."

---------

Goose: "I want a museli bar."

Me: "Sorry, we've run out."

Goose: "Dad better work some more so we can buy some."

---------

Goose: "You're going to make D sick just giving him milk. He needs some proper food."

--------

Lil-lil telling our neighbours: "It's really not fair, D keeps my mum up all night always wanting to be fed. It's really not nice."

Edited to add one from this morning: Goose: "Mum, that's the shop where you get the germs that go inside you and make you sick."

Nothing to fear but unsettled babes

2011-10-18T13:29:00.000+11:00

Yesterday was one of those crap days. I was tired - no sleep will do that to you.

We got to preschool an hour late.

D decided not to sleep. He just wanted to cry. All. Day. Long.

Nothing jangles your nerves like no sleep and a crying, unsettled baby.

Panic seeped in. Oh god, here we go again. My easy-going textbook boy was going to turn into my girls and become a non-sleeping screamer. The thought had me quaking in my boots. I tried to remain calm, but the memories of unsettled girls were too raw.

He was unsettled until about 9pm when he finally collapsed with exhaustion, me following soon after.

Today is a better day. He has gone back to his easy-going self. I feel less crazy. I can cope on broken sleep. Give me a couple of hours of zzzs and I'm OK. I cope with unsettledness as long as it's not constant. On no sleep and a lot of crying, I withdraw and start to become a crazy lady. I know, I've been there.

Who knows what tomorrow brings. I won't stop fearing until he's about 15!

The good, the bad and the truly ugly

2011-10-17T09:26:00.001+11:00

Monday, monday can't trust that day. A massive week ahead. At least we don't have to worry about a Rugby World Cup final now (some sort of upside from the Wallabies losing last night??). I'm starting the week on the back foot. Bloody tired. So I need something.

The sun finally came out this weekend and it even felt warm. Skip and I pottered round the house, doing things that needed doing. Lil-lil went to a birthday party, which seems to have become a weekend fixture now.

We had a really nice catch up with friends on Saturday night. The kids (and baby) behaved and gave us a chance to relax with friends in the backyard. We chatted, ate, laughed. A really good night with some fabulous people (and I'm not just saying that cause I know they're reading). There's nothing better than a catch up with old friends and it's even better to see them so happy and in good places in their life. Skip and I went to bed content Saturday night and feeling lucky to have good mates.

I was happy too as it was the first night I didn't have to wake D to feed, I could let him sleep if he wanted to (and he did).

Sunday rolled around and it was another day of odd jobs around the house. Skip went out to get lunch on Sunday, Goosey yelled that she could hear him outside so we went to greet him. It wasn't Skip it was our neighbour who's been away for two months. We caught up on all the gossip and she said she couldn't wait to meet D. I was telling her that he was asleep when I turned around and there was Goosey - with D in her arms. My 3 year-old had gone inside got him out of his bassinette and carried him outside. I almost collapsed with a hear attack then and there. All the things that could have happened....

Last night I didn't have to wake D. He decided to stay awake all. night. long. And not in a good Lionel Ritchie way. First Goose wet the bed, so there were sheets and PJs to deal with. Then about 11.30 D woke and didn't go back to sleep until 4am. Then woke at 6am. I'm stuffed.

But there's preschool drop offs to do. House to tidy. Washing to hang. Goosey to entertain. Baby to settle.

Yes, I really do live the glamourous life.

Due date

2011-10-15T11:35:00.001+11:00

Today is little D's due date. It's quite odd to think that if things had been the way they were meant to be, he'd only just be making his way into the world.

Instead, he's already been with us for 6.5 weeks. Already has grown out of clothes. Already been places and met people. Had cuddles. Been smothered by his big sisters. Shed tears and caused tears.

Instead of being a new creature, he's already sealed his place in our home and lives.

Instead of October 15 being a big day in our lives, it will just be another day. It will just mark six sleeps to Lil-lil's birthday.

It makes me realise how little you can actually control or plan life. We're all just along for the ride.

Secret Mother's Business

2011-10-14T12:50:00.001+11:00

Friday is ballet day, the day where I drive far too far for Lil-lil to do her class. She loves it and one of my good friends also takes her daughter so I persist.

The five mums are stuck outside the class and we chat and gossip for the 45-minute duration. With two of the mums pregnant and one with a newbie (me), the topics tend to centre round pregnancy, birth and babies.

The conversation today went something like this:
"Why don't people tell you how crap and hard it is before you have kids."

"I don't know, why is that?"

"Because no-one would believe it."

Nods from all round. "Yeah, you're right. How can you explain it?"

"You can't."

"I'd really love another though. Like really."

"You can have one of mine."

TV fuel

2011-10-13T17:05:00.000+11:00

When you have a newborn you spend so much of your day (and night) feeding. Glued to the couch as they suck the life from you.

With each child I've found TV show that I become obsessed with. That fills in those feeding hours. It has to be an hour-long program as that's how long they usually feed for.

With Lil-lil it was Law & Order. They'd have double episodes and then a marathon on Friday which worked brilliantly as she too a long time to settle. Lenny and the gang always bring the goods.

With Goosey, it was ER. Lil-lil would have a nap the ER team would come on and I'd be happy as.

It's funny I haven't watched it since, it was just the feeding show,

Now with little D, it's Louis Theroux. I discovered his docos a few years ago, well actually Skip did, and we'd watch it occasionally on the weekend while the girls were napping. Now it's come back to our house in a big way. If you've never watched any of his shows - go now, run, they are brilliant. He's a British journalist who goes and discovers people, places, sub cultures, from all over the world. From jails, to the streets of Johannesburg, to twins, to Nazis, to psychics - you name it he's probably done it. He has this uncanny ability to get all sorts of people to trust him and speak to him. He immerses himself in their lives. I'm amazed he doesn't get seriously hurt as he does push the envelope quite a bit. He's nerdy and unassuming, so gets away with it. It's enthralling viewing.

Skip last night asked what his background was. I didn't know, the only Theroux I knew was American novelist Paul Theroux, so I was surprised when I Googled and discovered Louis was his British-raised son.

Louis Theroux is on BBC Discovery and ABC2, go check it out. You won't be disappointed.

Racing away

2011-10-12T13:38:00.000+11:00

We're a horse racing family. No, we're not the Waterhouses, the Cummings or the Inghams (I wish!) We're just average Joe Blows who like to go to the races. Most Saturdays we're either at the races or the races are on the telly or the radio.

The influence is all Skip, it's his passion. For as long as I've known him, it's horses that have brought him joy. If he hadn't been 6f 3i, he would've been a jockey. His brain is filled with so much knowledge on the subject that I often think it's a waste that he doesn't use it professionally.

Anyhoo, he's past that interest on to me. No I'm not an avid fan like him, but I do enjoy it. Our little boy is even named after a jockey. Embarrassingly, I even got a little teary because one of my favourite horses died during track work a few weeks ago (I blame tiredness and hormones for that!).

The Spring Carnival is in full swing, but sadly I don't think I'll be getting to any meets. I'd happily take D along, but I just don't think it's going to happen. So the frocks will stay hanging in the cupboard and the fascinators on the shelf.

For a lot of people racing is just about gambling or swilling champagne. There is a lot more to it. For Skip, it's sport and form and spectacle and history (though a win that pays for a meal out doesn't disappoint either). For me, it's social and fun. It's a great day out to share with friends and we've met interesting people through racing. There's nothing quite like the sound of a field of horses as the approach the winning post. I love that it's an event where the Queen and you're average working person could attend and enjoy with the same enthusiasm. How often does that happen?

It makes me smile when I see Skip and the girls cheer on a race together. D has even sat with his dad watching the races. I'm sure it's something we'll continue to love and share as a family for years to come.

Does your family have a shared passion or hobby?

Six weeks

2011-10-11T14:21:00.000+11:00

I went back to the hospital today as I do every Tuesday to have a check up. When I went today and saw all the familiar faces it felt weird. Some people nodded, some smiled and said hi, others walked past not noticing me. Which is weird when someone has cared for you in such an intimate way, but hey, they see and care for hundreds of people.

It's six weeks today since I was admitted to hospital and six weeks tomorrow since D arrived unwillingly in the world. For the first few weeks, my mind could not stop going over and over and over the events of those few days. Trying to absorb and process it all. It was such a shock. It didn't feel real. It felt like maybe I had over-dramatised in my head, maybe it hadn't really happened. Slowly I've begun to stop the thoughts from whirling in my mind.

Slowly my body has healed from the trauma. Just until a few days ago, the soreness of my stomach was still there lingering, the headaches from the high blood pressure were too. Now, I'm feeling stronger. I look at D and he's getting bigger and chubbier. I can barely think of him as that tiny being on a ventilator.

I've begun to block out that whole month. Like it never existed. It's weird.

On the weekend I kept saying things like 'Oh when such and such happened a couple of weeks ago." And then realising that it was actually a couple of months ago. It's like now normalcy is starting to return, those few horrible hard weeks are being erased. Maybe it's just my mind healing too.

When you have a baby, they tell you it takes about six weeks to recover. I'm amazed that it's true.

The people in your neighbourhood

2011-10-10T16:49:00.000+11:00

Lil-lil arrived into our lives just a few weeks after we moved into our house. The one thing I loved about our house was that it was a couple of minute's walk to a major strip - cafes, restaurants, gift and fashion shops, a cinema, a supermarket, butcher, two good book shops. It meant when life felt suffocating and lonely at home I could throw bub into the Baby Bjorn and walk up the road and be part of the world. If everything went to hell and bub started screaming I could be home in flash.

Over the years, we've spent a great deal of time wandering back and forth. Recently though we haven't. I don't know why.

This arvo Goosey, DD and I went up the road. Our mission to get Goosey a pair of shoes.

We had a ball. We caught up with all the shops owners on the strip with cries of "You've got another one! Look at him!" "Look at Goosey, she's so big and her hair is so long." "Corinne, I've missed you" ( the last one from the owner of my favourite dress shop, is it bad she knows me by name?)

I'd forgotten how nice it was to go and 'visit' so close to home. No big shopping centre. How we could kill a few hours happily in our 'hood. Run into friends and neighbours. Shopkeepers and locals. We're pretty lucky really. The shops are great, but it's the sense of feeling part of something and having good people around us that is special.

In a flash my companion had finished her drink and was off chatting to the cafe owner.

"Mum, I want that cake for my birthday"

Trying on shoes is a serious business.

New shoes!

Winners are grinners

2011-10-10T08:23:00.000+11:00

Morning!

Just announcing the winners of the Butterfly Essence prizes are:

Permanently twenty three
butterflytameR
Mama of 2 boys

Please email me your details so I can send out your prize.

Finding my way

2011-10-08T17:15:00.000+11:00

Each time I have a new baby, I feel trapped in a land of limbo. Stuck in the baby bubble, where it's so easy to feed and stare at your bub and let the rest of the world go to hell. At the same time, longing to get out and amongst it again

Each time I feel a little isolated, like the world is moving forward and I'm not sure how to get on board too. This time I know it will just take a little time before I swept up in it all again. Time for me to get used to being this child's mama. For him to get used to being in the world.

Each time, I feel like I'm watching the world from behind a glass wall. I miss my husband and my other kids. My friends. Even though they're right here. I don't quite understanding why I feel that way.

It's a time where days have no start and no end. No day and no night. It's just feed, burb, settle. Feed, burp, settle. Stuff everything else - life, eating, bathing, sleeping - into the snatches in between.

At the same time, this will soon be a memory. The days will become longer, nights shorter. Life will swallow us up again

Feeling uncomfortable

2011-10-07T09:49:00.000+11:00

It's been an interesting 24 hours in cyberland and media world. Twitter, Facebook, blogs, the news sites have been a buzz (in Australia) with two topics - the death of Apple's Steve Jobs and the screening of The Slap.

Both have provoked an uncomfortable reaction in me.

Over the past few years, the Apple adulation has sat a little uneasily with me. The obsession over what Apple will do next, throwing one iProduct out for the next not really knowing why they need it (only that they need it) and when stepping into an Apple store I've often left feeling like they'll be handing out the Kool-Aid soon. If you say a bad word about Apple to an ''Apple person" it's like you've said something against their religion. I remember asking someone a couple of years ago why they had to get the updated iPhone the moment it came out and they said: "Well, it's got a compass in it."

Skip and I have often joked about the cult of Steve Jobs.

Before I go any further, let me say I'm an Apple fan. The first computer I used was a Macintosh, creating complicated programs to draw a square. Pretty much ever since I've only ever used Apple products – at work, at home. I'm writing this on a MacBook, I have an iPhone, I have an iPod. I would never even consider using anything else to be honest, but for me it's a product not a way of life. I also love my Foxtel IQ and my fridge and my car.

I guess it's the feeling that it's being put on a pedalstal above all else that doesn't sit right with me. Then again, maybe technology is the new religion. Maybe people are so glued to their smart phones, tablets, laptops that it is the meaning of their life. I probably seem a bit of a luddite writing this and I probably am.

I was saddened (though not surprised) to hear about Steve Jobs' death. It's always sad to hear about the untimely loss of a successful and talented person. Though the attention it got yesterday felt like we had lost something more than someone who ran a hugely successful company.

I have probably offended people (and even my family) writing this and I'm sure most out there don't agree, but the immense reaction sat uncomfortably with me.

Last night, The Slap aired on ABC1. It's a tele-drama based on the highly acclaimed novel of the same name by Christos Tsiolkas. I read the novel a few years ago, while I thought it was well written and I could not put it down, I didn't love it like a lot of people did. The characters are all fairly nasty, unlikable people and it left me feeling a bit down about the world.

Despite that I was really looking forward to seeing the series. A well-written Australian novel, being made into a well-acted Australian drama is something to support. I actually enjoy watchinglast night's show more than reading the novel.

Seeing the Twitter stream I see that it made a lot of people uncomfortable. Watching Skip watch it, he was more than a little uncomfortable. Which is the point. Feeling uncomfortable, raising issues that provoke reaction, talking about issues we might not otherwise talk about. Disagreeing with each other. Seeing other points of view.

Sometimes feeling uncomfortable isn't such a bad thing. Feeling uncomfortable has got my mind whirring again and the cobwebs shaken out.

The butterfly effect - a giveaway

2011-10-06T09:40:00.001+11:00

If you read this blog for more than five minutes, you'll know my girls have always been fairly crap sleepers. Over the years, I've been desperate and tried many, many things to get them to sleep. Once upon a time, I bought a lavender bubble bath that promised to promote deep, restful sleep. Yeah, I know, I was desperate. It may not have made them sleep but it sure smelt nice and then the girls smelt sweet too, even if they were awake.

Recently, I was sent some gorgeous baby bath products to celebrate baby D's birth. The Butterfly Essence range is all organic, no nasties and is made in Australia.

The Lavender & Chamomile bubble bath produces lots of lovely bubbles and smells divine. The girls absolutely love it and have started asking for it at every bath. Baby D just screams when I bath him, but I'm sure he likes it on the inside.

The powder is all natural, talc-free and made from Australian white clay and essential oils. I have to confess I've been using this after my shower, it reminds me of my grandma who used to smother me in lavender talcum powder when I stayed with her.

The shampoo smells as good as the other products. The girls like it on their hair and have not fought off the usual hair washing. Baby D has basically no hair so has no opinion. I like that my hands smell nice afterwards and the girls go off to bed in a lavender haze.

I have three packs each featuring these three Butterfly Essence products to give away to three lucky readers. Each pack is worth A$45.85.

To enter, just comment below and tell me your most desperate attempt to get a child to do something (or if you don't have a child, someone else). Open to Australian residents only.

Entries close 8pm (AEST), Sunday 9 October, 2011.

Kids these days don't know what they're missing

2011-10-04T17:18:00.000+11:00

The school holidays are upon us and I'm sure the kids of Sydney must be bored and it's no wonder, they're deprived of good old family fun. These fabulous family entertainment establishments no longer exist in Sydney. Why not?? They were fantastic, plus they had the best ads. Ever. I dare you to get the Old Sydney Town jingle out of your head. I dare you.

Check 'em out:

My personal favourite:

The perfect storm

2011-10-04T12:16:00.000+11:00

The October Monday public holiday 2001 won't be one that I'll want to reminisce about. There won't be holiday snaps in the album with smiling, happy faces.

Have you ever had one of those days, when all the forces of nature come together to create the perfect storm? A day so crap you thought it couldn't really exist? I'm sure you have. For me, that was yesterday.

The storm began to brew on Sunday, when I suddenly discovered I was out of one of my blood pressure medications. I was due to finish it up on Monday anyhow, so I decided a day early wouldn't make any difference. By late Sunday I had a headache brewing, Sunday night Demon D decided to partay.

Monday morning came, my headache was beginning to build and I was tired and cranky. Skip had to go to work, so it was like a normal old Monday morning. As the weather wasn't great, I decided the girls and I would make a cake and they could decorate it however foully they would like - pink and purple icing, millions of sprinkles. That killed about half an hour.

The headache grew and grew. I started to feel really unwell. I felt so agitated and the headache made me think my head would explode. I thought I might have to make a trip to the hospital. Instead I called the doctor (who had given me his mobile number and said to call him if I was worried), when I told him I stopped that tablet, he said "Well, that was stupid. What do you expect me to do over the phone?" I don't think he appreciated his public holiday golf game or yacht trip being interrupted some how. He told me to take some of my other tablets and we'd sort it out on Tuesday.

My mum appeared at the door and took one look at me and said: "Get some rest, I'll take the girls to the park" Bless her.

I lay down but could not sleep. I ended up looking on Dr Google about the tablet I'd stopped. It said: "Do not stop suddenly. It could cause: nervousness (tick), agitation (tick), headache (tick), severe or life-threatening hypertension or even fatal stroke (Oh. Awesome)."

By the afternoon, I felt better and the end of the day was in sight. Skip would be home soon, the girls would be in bed with D following soon after and I could call it a day. Oh how wrong I was.

My mum went home with me assuring her I'd be fine, it would be smooth sailing for the rest of the day. Skip called shortly after saying he'd have to stay on at work for a few more hours and was I OK? I assured him I was fine and the kids would all be fed and in bed and it would all be honky dory.

Then little D decided he didn't want to sleep, just I was doing the dinner. Then he decided he was going to scream. And scream he did for the next three hours, which went really well with my headache. I bathed the girls and he screamed. The girls dressed themselves and he screamed. I told them they'd be no story tonight and they screamed. Goosey tried to sing him to sleep and then got angry when it didn't work and said over and over: "It's really worse having a baby. Let's get rid of him."

Finally the girls went to sleep and D stopped screaming. Though he wouldn't sleep. He just lay in my arms and stared, eyes wide open. Skip came home to find me sitting on the lounge crying. He jumped into action and helped me. Finally at 10pm, D went to sleep. I half-expected him to scream the night away. Thankfully he didn't.

I don't think Skip got much sleep as he was worried and kept checking I was OK.

Surprise, surprise the old blood pressure was high today. So back on the tablets I go. High ho. High ho.

Yes, I should really take my health a little more seriously. Like I said I would in my last post. I come from a long line of people who utter 'Oh it's just a flesh wound"about their health issues. Seems I've inherited that gene too.

Anyhoo, today is a new day.

Mums united

2011-10-02T14:41:00.002+11:00

Every day, my inbox receives a lot press releases and emails about products and events. A lot of it doesn't interest me, but then occasionally something catches my eye.

The Heart Foundation recently sent me an email asking if I'd like to be involved in their Mums United campaign. Being very interested in heart health, I was.

There is a strong history of heart disease in my family and so it's something that I have to be very thoughtful about. Also, with my recent encounter with pre-eclampsia, my risk of developing chronic high blood pressure is also a concern. But I'm not the only one who should be concerned about heart disease.

Did you know that heart disease is leading cause of death in Australian women? Sixty per cent of Australians are overweight, and with increased weight brings the risk of heart disease.

As mums, we're the ones who often guide our families in eating and exercise. It can be hard to know what is the right way to go with nutrition and being active. I know I get confused. The Heart Foundation have set up a Mums United website that offers free recipes, gives advice and has fun ways to get active. It will help show you how to look after the health of your family's hearts and why it's important.

I'm planning to get healthier for my heart and my family. I want to hang around for a while longer and be active with my kids.

So, go on, go check it out. I've placed a button on the side of my blog, click on it and get a healthier waistline and heart for your family.

Silvertails, champagne and hair cuts

2011-10-01T09:39:00.000+10:00

This weekend is starting out well, with Skip taking the girls and Demon D visiting so I can catch a few hours to myself. Yay, Skip.

For the rest of the weekend:

* Then the girls are going to visit Grandma this afternoon. So it will be feeding and settling while eating and watching the races and the AFL.

* Tomorrow Lil-lil has a birthday party, so Goosey and Demon and I will hang together.

*Skip is going to the NRL grand final to watch my team trounce those fellas from across the ditch.
Skip is cheering on the other team. That's OK, he's used to losing with Manly knocking his team (Broncos) out of the comp last week. ;)
Unfortunately my other team, the Jets, didn't make the grand final in the NSW cup.

* It's Skip and my 14 year anniversary this weekend (since we got together, not married). We'll have a glass of champagne to celebrate.

* I finally got my hair cut and I'm loving it. Nothing like a new 'do to make you feel good. Like cutting away the heaviness of pregnancy and being unwell and moving on.

What are you up to this weekend?

Flogging a dead horse

2011-09-30T13:41:00.002+10:00

Years ago, when I was but a wee lass I went to Hyde Park Barracks. I had a small amount of money and desperately wanted to purchase something from the gift shop. I bought a small badge that said 'Pie and dead horse'. I think it was the only thing I could afford, not sure why I bought it other wise as I had no idea what the badge was on about. My mum explained something about rhyming slang and tomato sauce and I took that tommy sauce was made from dead horses. As you do.

I kept away from tomato sauce for a few years after until a sausage sizzle reignited the love.

My kids love tommy sauce as most kids do. Lil-lil has been known to request sauce sangas. I have been known to put sauce on certain food just so they'll eat it..

Yesterday, Fountain sauce invited the girls and I to a cooking class to launch their salt and sugar reduced tomato and BBQ sauces. I saw it as a good way for the kids to be entertained while I sat at the back in a sleep deprived haze and be served drinks by lovely PR ladies. Thankfully for me, It worked and this is exactly how it panned out.

The kids had a ball dressing up in chef's outfits and rolling up Wagyu burgers and slow-cooked lamb pies. They have not stopped talking about it. While there, Lil-lil got a new audience to talk to. The girl has not. stopped. talking. all. week. I heard her voice lift above the crowd with these gems: "I'm four and my mum's 25." (well, close enough). "My aunty Hol can't eat wheat. She ate pasta once and she was so sick." "We made burgers with my dad but they're a little but different" The lovely PR girls listened and gave her the interest she was looking for.

We then got to gobble up the burgers and pies, which were bloody tasty. I bit into my pie, when I was reminded I might like some sauce with it. Derrr Corinne, that's why we're here after all.

I have to say the sauce was good. Even without the salt and sugar (and apparently there's very little of it). Most salt-reduced stuff tastes pretty nasty, but I wouldn't have known if I wasn't told.

Maybe I could start feeding Lil-lil tomato sauce sangas after all....

Motherhood crazies

2011-09-29T09:17:00.000+10:00

I'm lucky to have a couple of close friends who are mums and who are honest. When they've had to watch hours of Dora just to get through the day, they admit it. When they've fed their kids plain pasta for a week straight cause that's all they'd eat, they don't pretend they've been whipping up organic gourmet meals. When they've been hit by the motherhood crazies, they don't pretend they're perfect and loving every minute of their life.

From my experience and those of my friends, there's a time (of at least a few months) in the first year of their child's life when we go a little loco. Whether it's the sleep deprivation, the loss of independence, being completely 'touched out', or it's the hours of feeding or crying or settling or a combination of all of that. Maybe it's just forgetting who you are or missing the life you used to have. It doesn't mean they're not coping or don't love their kid, it's just, well, it can all be a little much and you lose your mind for a while.

It happened with my (and their) first and second babies. I fully expect it to happen with the third, I just hope it doesn't last as long and that I deal with it better. It helps that I have friends around who understand the crazies period and know I'll come out the other end.

One of my friends said to me once: "Someone told me I was really crazy there for a while, they've now got their second baby and acting a little crazed themselves. We all go through it."

Another when I enquired how she was doing said: "I'm good now, I think I'm over that crazy time."

Motherhood can be hard at any time (or all the time). There are times when we struggle. When we're not the best we can be. When we wish we could run away or when we do run away mentally. There's no shame in admitting it or turning to someone and saying: "Wow, I'm not doing this very well at the moment." Most importantly, listen to someone when they're going through their moment and share a moment of their own.

Those moments pass. Hell, I've gone back a third time. Those friends I mention are going back a third time too. Maybe because we could share and deal with crazies together.

Becoming his mum

2011-09-28T08:33:00.000+10:00

When D was born, there was no post delivery cuddles, no cot next to the bed, no feeds. He was whisked off and I got to see a photo. It was quite a surreal experience.

When I did see him, I had to get permission to touch him through a hole in his cot,

I felt like he hadn't been born, more like the end of the pregnancy had been outsourced as my body couldn't finish the job.

I received a stream of congratulations messages and people saying they couldn't wait to meet him. I couldn't wait to meet him either.

As I got better and got to spend more time in the nursery, it still didn't feel quite real. The nurses were kind and encouraged me to care for him, but in the end they decided the way things went. Goosey said to me each time she visited: "He thinks you're his big sister and the nurses are his mum." While that cut a little, it only did so cause I had thought the same thing.

I used to sit in the nursery and look at him and wonder what impact this whole experience would have on him. Being ripped out of the womb before he was ready, he was angry and red those first few days, not wanting to be out in the world. He gradually settled into life and I wondered how the lights and noises and poking and prodding would affect him or shape him. I recently read his discharge letter which detailed all that had been done to him - intubation, feed line, IV drip, etc. While I knew all of it, seeing it together in black and white made me sad. So much for such a tiny being.

At home, I've fed him, changed him and cuddled him. I've looked at him and thought of the strange start we've had together. Disjointed. Surreal.

Yesterday, his big sisters were desperately trying to touch him and cuddle him and just love him and be a part of him. Their noise and attention was too much and he screamed his little lungs out. I rescued him from their over-enthusiastic clutches and he snuggled his head into my chest and quietened immediately. Like he knew this was where he was safe. Like he knew I was his mum.

The midnight hour and my girl

2011-09-26T09:50:00.000+10:00

This was the weekend the sleepy baby decided to wake up a little (well a lot ). In fact, on Saturday night he decided to stay awake from 11.30pm until 5.30am. The joy! He went to sleep just in time for the girls to wake up.

Poor Skip, who was unwell and unslept, took the girls out so I could grab a kip. Bless him.

Newborns love playing that trick where they sleep for the first three to four weeks, lulling their parents into a false sense of security. The parents think: "I've got a great baby who just sleeps at all the right times." Then BAM. They wake up, they cry. The parents are left wondering what went wrong.

This was also the weekend that Goosey had her very first dance concert. It was ridiculously cute. She and two others danced to 'My Girl' in their pale pink tutus. Goosey focused more on singing the words than doing the moves, but she did really well. She looked so grown up on the stage. I think it was our first outing to the outside world as a family of five. It also made me realise how entrenched in the local community we are. There were so many neighbours and friends at the show, all coming up for a glimpse of little D.

It's holiday from preschool this week. Lil-lil was asking when we were going to catch the plane (spoilt, much?) and I had to break the news we were staying at home. So I'm faced with two weeks of three kids, all day, every day. The eldest two getting bored and then fighting. I'm a little over it and it's only 9.30am on the first day! I'm sure they don't enjoy watching me feed a baby either. I reckon if we can survive the next two weeks, well then we'll be able to get through anything.

I have to run as it's Winnie the Pooh's 36500th birthday and I've been invited to his party. I think it's going to be a long day...

Newborn haze

2011-09-23T08:53:00.000+10:00

I'm currently in that newborn haze. Broken sleep, changing multiple nappies, tied to the lounge feeding. It's all coming back to me. Walking around with a head that feels like it's stuffed with cotton wool. I'm used to sleep deprivation, but the newborn daze is unique. You can't hiss at them to go back to sleep in the wee hours, they can't tell you what's wrong. The outside world gets shut out for a while. You start to wonder if life will ever be the same again.

It's definitely easier third time round. Not so much time to focus or worry or obsess. You know this phase won't last, that a new phase will pop up before you know it. An easier phase, a harder phase.

I'm definitely not a good baby mum. I adore him and he's gorgeous, but I'm looking forward to the running around, talking phase. That's when I do better. Babies make me nervous. I'm making sure I do enjoy it more this time and soak it in, as I'm sure it will be the last time I do it. So excuse me while I go back to those milk drunk cuddles.

Dazed and reviews: 1

2011-09-22T11:45:00.000+10:00

Weeks ago before all the dramas, I decided that I wanted to do a regular reviews post. I get sent a lot of stuff, some fab, some not-so-fab, but I'd like to share with you some of the better stuff that I get sent. Especially kids books and movies. So here is the first 'Dazed and reviews'. With my 100% honest opinion on what's out there.

Zoe and Beans and the Magic Hoop by Mick Inkpen and Chloe Inkpen, Pan Macmillan, RRP: $14.99

I was excited to receive this gorgeous looking picture book as Mick Inkpen's Wibbly Pig books are a favourite in this house. His latest picture book doesn't disappoint. It's a cute tale about a girl and her dog and a magic hoop that changes her pet into an array of different animals. The illustrations are divine. My girls have put this book in high rotation and it's been read most nights recently. It would make a wonderful gift. In fact, I'll probably be giving at the many parties Lil-lil has on her upcoming social calendar.

Dora's Ballet Adventure, DVD RRP$22.50
I have to say that I'm not a Dora fan. In fact, I spent many years trying to prevent Dora from infiltrating our house. It's her shouting voice that drives me mad. I was unsuccessful though and the girls are tried and true fans. Goosey especially. When this disk arrived they were over-the-top, jump-up-and-down excited. Dora and ballet together in one disk, nothing better in their eyes. A few weeks ago, when I wasn't feeling well, the disk gave me some much needed feet-up time. The girls loved it, so I was able to forgive the Spanish- speaking diva. They watched the ballet episode over and over and over again. So if you don't mind Dora's screechy voice or if you need some quiet time from some Dora-loving kids, this DVD is just the thing.

The Lion King 3D, starts today at selected cinemas in Qld, September 29 in all other states.
Last school holidays the girls and I were invited to a preview of The Lion King in 3D. We had a terrible time with public transport getting there, but it was worth it. I'd never seen the movie before so was super keen to check it out and the kids were enthralled, though Goosey was a little scared at times. I think they're a little bit young for 3D and they wouldn't keep their glasses on, which I understand as I'm not a 3D fan either. It would be great for older kids though, especially as a school holiday treat. The music, the story and animation are all classic Disney, something that all ages will enjoy. It's only showing at the cinema for a limited time and will then be released on DVD in October 12. Don't miss it!

Life with 3

2011-09-21T14:29:00.000+10:00

Home sweet home. We're all home together at last. The past three weeks have felt like an eternity! We're lucky, though, that our little boy blue is home sooner than we expected. He's done exceptionally well and is so far being the perfect baby. Sleeping and eating, sleeping and eating. Being the third time, I know that this won't last so I'm enjoying it at the moment.

The girls are super excited to have a baby brother and are bursting to do things with him. I think it's a little disappointing that he just sleeps and eats at the moment. Goosey told me to put him on the ground so he can crawl around and then said I should just give him milk as he'll get a tummy ache. I think the novelty may wear off soon.

Life juggling three has been interesting. The car is packed and there are some logistical things to overcome when going out with them all on my own, but so far I'm managing better than I expected. Ask me again in a few weeks when little D decides to wake up and scream, though.

D has been put on a strict four-hourly routine at the hospital so it's feed, express and put to bed and then start again. He pretty much wakes on the dot of four hours or else I have to wake him. This is a new experience for me as the girls were quite the opposite as newborns. Especially Lil-lil who decided that sleep was evil from day one.

Expressing is a whole new ball game too, I've never really expressed before but being in the nursery it's become part of the daily routine. I have to say there are many moments when I feel like little more than a dairy cow, but I know it's helping out the little man. Also, with all the meds I've been on I've needed to express to boost my supply. I was very lucky to receive an electric AVENT breast pump from Philips to help me. It's been the bomb and saved my sanity, so I must give a big thank you to Philips for their generosity, it's totally helped me through this time.

It's weird to think that D should still be inside for another month. I do feel a little short-changed. It's like watching a movie that suddenly ends and you think, is that it? Mentally I wasn't prepared, I never reached that moment when you think 'Yep, I'm ready for this baby and ready for this pregnancy to be over.' Coming out of hospital I felt a little fragile. It's taken me a week and a bit to feel back to normal. The thought of going out, even just doing the pick-up from preschool made me apprehensive. I'm not sure why. Skip and I went out for dinner before D came home and it did me the world of good. Spending time just the two of us, talking over everything and just having a bit of fun. We also caught up with some good friends and had a good laugh, I think that made all the difference. It's amazing what friends and laughter can do for your soul.

Skip has been fantastic. He has been so supportive and helpful, despite being busy with work. He has been a lifesaver. I wouldn't have been able to do this without him. I'm very lucky.

All in all, I feel good now. Moving onwards and upwards. Glad this whole hospital business is now behind us. Glad that D is healthy. Glad that I'm on the road to being healthy. We've been incredibly lucky. It's time to move forward!

Baby D's birth

2011-09-17T19:55:00.000+10:00

Having a premature baby is something you never expect or plan for. Having baby D at 33 weeks is something I think I'm only just coming to terms with. I think I've been in a state of shock for the past few weeks, doing what needs to be done without really processing it.

One ordinary Tuesday morning, I went for a check-up with the blood pressure clinic at my hospital. The week before I'd been admitted for 24 hours with high blood pressure, I was put on medication everything was under control but I needed weekly monitoring. I thought I'd chug along to the end of pregnancy pretty comfortably. I went for my first appointment at the clinic, very swollen and thinking they might need to up the meds slightly as I was on a very low dose. Skip decided at the last minute to come with me 'just in case'. We had little Goosey with us. I saw the midwife and my BP was slightly elevated but not too bad, my urine however had 4+ of protein which is high. I knew at that moment that things weren't good. I met up with Skip outside and fought to hold back tears.

I went and saw the renal specialist shortly after and by that time my BP was starting to spike at 160/90. He sent me off to day stay to be monitored for a couple of hours as he was confused why my BP was so different from earlier in the day. Within an hour or so of being at day stay, the midwife had called the doctors in as my BP was going up and up and up. It was decided then I needed to be admitted straight away and they told me I needed to have steroid injections in case they needed to deliver the baby. I never really thought that they'd need to, but agreed to the shots. Soon I was whisked off to a room, little did I know I'd stay in that room for 11 days.

They laid me out on the bed, put two canulas in my arms. By that time my BP was 210/100. They started a drip of magnesium sulfate, a catheter and started IV anti-hypertensive drugs. To be honest, I don't know how long the doctors stayed round my bed. I just remember lying there with a doctor on one side, a midwife on the other and a stream of other doctors coming in and out. The renal specialist coming in and putting his hand on his chin and shaking his head. The obstetrician coming in and introducing himself. A lot of whispering between them.

A doctor from the neonatal unit came in and talked to me about expected outcomes of having a baby at 33 weeks and explaining the NICU. I don't think any of it sank in at all.

A little while later I remember Skip coming back in and being slightly taken aback at me splayed on the bed with drips and catheter.

The talk about doing a C-section that day ceased and I was left alone for a little while. Skip stayed with me until I went to sleep that night.

The next morning, all seemed calm until the renal specialist and his registrar came in and said he wanted to get the baby out soon as my blood tests had shown my kidneys and liver were deteriorating at a fairly rapid rate.

Then the obstetrician came in and went through our options. Before I knew it people were all around me wheeling my bed out and talking about getting Skip into scrubs.

The C-section was quick and quiet and strange. The nurse quickly pushed baby D into my view and then whisked him off before I knew it. Skip followed baby D and I was left on the table to be stitched up by a doctor and her assistant as they chatted about their weekend. All I could think about was D. Was he OK? When could I see him? When could I hold him?

I was wheeled into recovery where I was left lying alone. I have never felt so empty and alone in my entire life as I did then. I asked if I could be wheeled to the nursery but was told no. I was taken back to my room and my temperature was low so I was covered in warm blankets and left alone again. Alone without my baby.

Eventually Skip came back with some photos of little D. It didn't feel real. Six hours after his birth, they finally agreed to wheel me down to the nursery to see my son. I was wheeled into the intensive care unit where a kind nurse explained the ventilator he was on, the drugs they needed to give him, etc. I couldn't touch him and I just looked at this tiny being covered in wires, etc, lying in his humidicrib. The whole experience, the drugs I was on and the warmth of the unit started to make my head swirl and my stomach churn. They took me back to my room and I promptly threw up in a bowl that Skip held.

The next day, I stayed in bed. It wasn't until that evening that I was put in a wheelchair and wheeled down to the nursery. Finally they let me hold him for a couple of minutes. 30 hours after he was born.

The next days were a blur. Each night my BP spiked and I was put on the drip and catheter again. I barely saw my son. By the following Monday, I was off the drips and I started to be able to go down to nursery more and more. I got to feed him with a syringe through his feeding tube and change his nappy through the holes in his humidicrib. Occasionally they let me hold him.

Soon D got well enough to be taken out of the humidicrib. Then he got upgraded again to the next level in the nursery. The next step was to attempt a sucking feed on the breast and bottle. Now, he's taking all he's feed from boob or bottle. This means we'll get to bring him home soon and the whole hospital experience will be over.

Life in the NICU is a lot of hand washing. Mum and dads staring at their babies with a glazed look of love and shock and bewilderment. When a new baby comes in soon after being born, the dad follows with a look on his face like he's been slapped with a cold fish. He looks around, scared at what he's seeing, trying to absorb it all, disbelief that he's there. Within a few days, this foreign place starts to feel normal and you can see them relax into the routine of hand-washing and sitting and watching. Then it's the glimmer of hope that they may take their bub home, one day soon.

The nurses are wonderful and kind. I've been lucky enough to get to know one quiet well. She's sweet and she adores looking after D. She makes me feel welcome each time I walk in. It's the saving grace of this place.

This whole experience has been a wild ride. Not one I'd ever want to repeat. So, so, so different from the girls' births. So different from what I ever imagined it would be like.

Update

2011-09-15T08:19:00.001+10:00

Well, I'm home again. It's wonderful to be back with my girls and Skip. It's busy though - running back and forth to the hospital a few times a day, taking the 22 tablets a day for my blood pressure, being there for the girls, pumping milk every few hours and all the other day-to-day stuff.

Skip has done a stirling job. He did 11 days of solo parenting, plus worry about DD and me. I couldn't have survived without his support. So, I'd like to publically thank him, it hasn't been easy for him.

It's been such a whirl of emotions for all of us. Unsettling for the girls. A struggle at times for Skip and me as it's not something you expect or plan for. But all in all we're doing good and getting through it all.

DD is being a star in the nursery and will hopefully be home soon.

Thank you to all the readers who've sent me messages, I've really appreciated them. Xxx

We'll be back to normal programming soon.

It's often absurd

2011-09-08T17:39:00.001+10:00

The past 9 days have been a whirlwind. I have been really ill and only just realising that now I'm feeling better. Having a baby in NICU is more complicated than I ever imagined.
There's been 850 emotions.

There will be a few blog posts on all these experiences once I process it all.

For now, it's the absurd moments that are sticking with me.

Each night my blood pressure has been spiking, which means that a doctor and midwife have to sit next to my bed and give me IV meds to bring it down. And then they measure it until it does. So this usually begins just as I'm ready to go to sleep.

The first night it happened it was scary, everyone rushed around in a panic. As it happened night after night, the same doctors came and everyone was a bit more relaxed, except for the midwives experiencing it for the first time with me.

We now have casual talks, watch TV, gossip about what's happening in the hospital.

The staff have come out with some ridiculous comments in the boredom of the night, that have me shaking my head.

"your c-section scar is really pretty"

"I like movies with black people in it, they are always good"

"you need a little dog to walk, that will help your blood pressure. Just don't take it to Cafe Bones"

"8am is just too early for a glass of wine"

I just lie in my bed and say "Ok".

-------/---/-----------
They keep asking why I haven't gone mad from sleep deprivation as they wake me every hour to measure my blood pressure, but having two kids who don't sleep has prepared me.

Though I'm sure my blood pressure jumps each time a strange person walks in and grabs my arm when I'm deep asleep.

It's a weird little bubble to be living in.

Take the pressure down

2011-09-07T08:34:00.001+10:00

Sorry for the silence here. I'm still in hospital and the urge to write has just not been there.

Little DD is doing really well. He's still in special care nursery and will be for a while, but he's doing well and progressing each day. He's getting cuter each day too.

It's amazing to look at his fragile teeny tiny little self, not quite 2kg, and think that one day he'll be a great big man. He's just divine and makes all of this worth it.

My blood pressure has still been high and the remaints of the pre-eclampsia giving me grief. My nights have been sleepless as a doctor and nurse sit by my bed measuring my blood pressure and giving me injections to bring it down. To say I'm over it is an understatement. My arms are covered in bruises from numerous needles. And the top if my arm is black and blue from have my blood pressure taken so often.

I know all of the doctors, midwives, med students who work in maternity by first name. As I stroll the corridor to the nursery I'm greeted with calls of:
"Hi Corinne! You're still here!"

I'm looking forward to going home, sleeping in my own bed, hugging my girls when they wake in the morning, even Skip jabbing me in the ribs when I snore. It's funny how the things I miss the most are just the mundane things which drive me crazy normally.

Really it's all pretty boring.

Though, the support and kindness and generosity we've had has been wonderful. Skip and girls have had meals made for them, gifts, flowers, time offered. It's quite lovely.

So that's where I'm at. I'm sure blogging will resume to normal soon. X

Beep, beep, beep

2011-09-03T16:16:00.001+10:00

Beep, beep, beep, beep. That's the sound that's keeping me company this Saturday afternoon.
Magnesium sulfate being pumped into my veins. Stopping my blood pressure from causing a stroke. Everything is quiet, except for the odd door thudding closed now and again.

My little man is in his nursery on another floor; getting a little stronger every day. It's going to take a while though, weeks really. I haven't been able to see him today and have only got to hold him twice so far which is so strange and awful. Stupid cords on me, stupid cords on him. Getting us better but making this hard.

A week ago, I whinged about how tough it was going to be to have a newborn - feeds, vomit, sleep. How I would love that now.

Instead my little guy lies in his special crib and I can't do any of the normal things to help him.

On another floor in the building my blood pressure spikes yet again and I lie surrounded by doctors and needles and suddenly feel scared that I won't be there for my girls either. It suddenly all seems terrifying again. I thought this part was supposed to be over. Being unable to move from my bed makes it that little bit worse.

Having a baby was supposed to be simple. I never imagined it to be this.

I just hope in a few weeks this will all just be an awful memory and we can move on. The five of us, healthily and happily.

Beautiful boy

2011-09-01T08:45:00.001+10:00

My little boy D arrived yesterday. Six and a half weeks early.

He's absolutely damn gorgeous.

It took 6 or more hours between his birth and when I got to meet him. So,so hard.

My heart soared with love and pride when I met him. Then broke in a million pieces as I wished I could have done better by him and kept him in longer.

I just can't wait to give him a cuddle and be his mum for real. C

Good weekend, good week start

2011-08-29T07:36:00.000+10:00

Skip finally arrived home on Friday night and we were all happy and relieved to have him back, especially after the week that was.

Saturday, Skip and the girls made sausage rolls for our newest favourite family outing – Saturday arvo at the footy. The girls took great delight squishing and squashing all the ingredients together and I must say Skip makes a damn fine snag roll.

We met some friends and my brother and nephews at the oval and settled in for a fun arvo. It didn't disappoint. As my brother said it's the perfect mixture of good enough quality footy with a fun, relaxed atmosphere and a bit a retro cool.

Goosey has a complete obsession with money. She always has a pile of coins wherever she goes.

My nephew gives the penny farthing man a high five. He rides around the field with kids chasing
him every time the Jets score a try.

A BBQ and a Wallabies win rounded out Saturday night.

Sunday, these bad boys arrived back at house:

All of our crap that we put in storage when we attempted to sell our house. I must admit I never expected to see them back in this house again. It looks like we'll be here for the moment, maybe permanently. I never say definitely cause who knows what the future holds. But at the moment we're happy and settled with this.

We've always loved our street, we've got good neighbours, a massive park across the road where the kids play with their mates (and we don't have to maintain the garden), a cul-de-sac where the kids are pretty safe, good friends who live close by, a real sense of community. The kids also have a fantastic preschool and an excellent public school in walking distance. All these are starting to say to us, perhaps these outweigh having a bigger block of land to live on. This weekend showed how much we do love living where we live. Who knows what the future holds though. We could change our mind again tomorrow. I reserve that right!

Sunday arvo we went to the park and took a long walk. We played, scootered and stopped for ice cream in the late afternoon sun, which is lasting just the bit longer as winter slowly slips away.

Last night, I struggled to sleep. I slept about fitfully and dreamt about razor blades (thanks, Underbelly). I got up early, while the kids still slept (a miracle). I showered, got organised and despite being tired, feel really ready to tackle the week. I think it's going to be a good one! Here's hoping.

A blue streak

2011-08-27T08:20:00.000+10:00

Yesterday's post and comments got me thinking about swearing and my kids.

When I grew up my mum wasn't really a swearer, but my dad never censored himself, always enjoying a good expletive to express himself. I have a memory of my younger brother counting the swear words that came from my dad during a car trip, just for a bit of hilarity.

I don't think this ever effected me negatively. It was just something my dad was allowed to do, but I wasn't – like drive the car or drink beer.

Now with my own kids, it's a kind of similar situation. Skip doesn't censor himself, I let fly occasionally and the kids understand it's something that grown ups say and they can't. Swearing is definitely more common place now than it was when I was a kid. TV shows and music have far more swearing than they once did. It's hard to protect kids against it.

We also let our kids get away with 'toilet' humour at home as well. Mainly because I'm a complete juvenile and find it funny, but the kids are aware it's something they can do at home and not at preschool or other people's houses. Also, it's not allowed to be used in an agressive way toward anyone else.

Each family is different, I know. The family who was shocked by the use of 'damn it' that I mentioned, there was another playdate we went on recently and Goosey got upset at toy she was playing with I think she then said it was 'stupid'. The other mother gasped and said: "Did she say the s-word?" I assured her no, she didn't she just said stupid. The reply came: "That's the s-word in our house". I was a little surprised. I wouldn't like the girls to call each other or anyone else stupid, but I probably wouldn't (didn't) notice if they said it to an inanimate object.

It's kind of interesting the limits and the values that different people put on language. There's never a right or wrong, it's just interesting.

I have had an issue with the girls using the word 'hate'. They've started saying they hate me or they hate each other and they've been quickly told: "You can be angry, upset or frustrated with me. That's fine. I just don't want to hear you say that you hate anyone. How would you feel if I said told you I hated you?"

How do you feel about swearing? Are there taboo words in your house?

Playdate

2011-08-26T13:36:00.000+10:00

With Lil-lil starting preschool this year, a new phenomenon has entered my life – the playdate.

Sure we've had plenty of playdates with people who are my friends and the kids get told: "These are your friends". They're fine. They're great. Our kids can play, I feel I can relax confident in my parenting style. I get to have a good chat or catch up with someone I like.

It's these new playdates I'm not so fond of. The ones that involve Lil-lil's friends from preschool. I've done a few and it always feel a bit weird. I have to make small talk with the parents, who aren't always people I'd choose as friends. I hate small talk, more than anything. There's always that awkwardness of how far can I go? I don't want to look like a delinquent parent and it seems that most of Lil-lil's friends have quite conservative parents.

Example: "Little XX came home from preschool the other day and said 'damn it'. I couldn't believe it."
I sat there wondering what the problem was, when I suddenly realised it was the 'swearing'. Then realised it was probably my kid who was teaching the colourful language and probably much worse.

Then Goosey usually ends up in some sort of altercation with the younger sibling of Lil-lil's friend. Which is embarrassing and then you have to do that whole song and dance and the poor kid doesn't really want to be there anywhere.

If they're at my house, the house is usually completely trashed. There's always some sort of argument over toys. The whole thing is more hassle than it's worth.

The latest thing that happened this week was Lil-lil was invited over for a sleepover. Personally I think she's too young to stay over at someone's house I don't know well. It just doesn't sit right.

I write this as I'm procrastinating about calling a new friend of Lil-lil's who left a note inviting us over for a playdate. As much as I'll dread it, I'll call and organise a time, cause Lil-lil will have the time of her life and this is what kids do. I'll suck up my shyness and loathing of small talk. Who knows, I might even strike gold and meet a parent who can become a friend.

Soon enough, she'll be old enough to do the dump and run. Then, of course I've got at least another five years with the other kids. Sigh.

Do you do the whole playdate thing? Do you love it or loathe it?

So not nesting

2011-08-25T08:01:00.000+10:00

After my little hospital visit this week, I've started to think it might actually be time to get ready for this baby's arrival if it does happen to come sooner than we thought. I'm not really one for decorating nurseries or having heaps of 'stuff''. Babies really don't need very much when it comes down to it, despite what people like to tell you. Just somewhere to sleep (which is often my chest), some clothes, some nappies and that's about it.

We got a new pram, so that's something. Our friends our looking after our other bubba stuff so I'm not too concerned. The only thing I'm thinking I might need is a new baby carrier to go with the Bjorn, perhaps a sling. In reality, I'll probably put my head in the sand for another few weeks when I hit a sudden panic and organise everything in a day.

To be honest, I've been too busy planning outings, dinners and catch-ups with those close to me. Focusing on just hanging with the girls. Putting my feet up and reading a book. Enjoying quiet evenings while they last, in case I end up with a bub that loves to scream at witching hour. Things that will be a little harder or I'll be a little bit distracted from in a couple of months. Sure I know life doesn't end, but having a baby hanging off me and being super sleep deprived does make these things a little more difficult and little less enjoyable. I can always send Skip out for a packet of nappies once the bubba is here after all.

So today, I think, I'll dream about our summer holiday instead.

From holiday to hospital

2011-08-24T07:46:00.001+10:00

Well it's been an interesting couple of days! From waking up in a hotel room on Monday morning to waking up in a hospital room this morning.

After a weekend of bliss, I was physically feeling rather average. Probably evident with my boot/crying incident at the airport. I was feeling so swollen, I was like Violet Beauregard in Willy Wonka, just not blue. And there were no Oompa Loompas to take me off to the squeezer.

I rang the hospital and went to get checked out. Before I knew it I was being transferred upstairs to be monitored by a kindly Shirley Valentine-type lady who lectured me about not coming in sooner. I wasn't too concerned as I'd been through the same thing with Lil-lil. At worst a couple of pills and I'd be on my way.

After tests, tests and more tests, my quiet room was suddenly invaded by two doctors, prodding poking, taking blood and inserting canulas. I was being admitted to the ward, administered drugs immediately and there was talk of steroids if I needed to deliver the baby this week. It was now that I started to get concerned.

"I thought I might just take some tablets and go home the next day?" I said to one of the docs. "With your blood pressure you'll be here days at least, and at worst you'll be delivering this baby," the serious doctor told me. Now I was really concerned.

Within the hour my blood pressure started to come down. All the panic began to subside. The doctors went off to other emergencies.

I'm still in a hospital bed, but with any luck I'll be home today, as everything is looking ok.

My hopes for a good night sleep were dashed by a cranky nurse who came in every few hours to take my blood pressure and feed me drugs. I think I prefer a sweet little person waking me up!

The worst thing about hospital? Having this canula in the underside of my arm, as they couldn't get it in anywhere else they normally would,

The best bit? Being brought tea and biscuits, even if the tea is aneamic and in a styrofoam cup.

I have to say, especially after my rant about the medical system last week, my experience has been great. The doctors and nurses have looked after me and listened to me and explained everything to me. My room is private and enormous. Can't ask for better care.

Now to get out of here!